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One of The Purest Forms of Grief

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Have you ever thought about past relationships, how much easier it is to let go when angry? Walking away from a person is so simple when anger propels the action. It doesn’t matter if it’s a love relationship or a good friendship or just a casual acquaintance. I want to stay away when I’m mad. Anger just seems to cancel out love or any good feelings, for that matter.

I think that’s why blame is such an issue. If you can blame someone then they’re at fault and if they’re at fault you can try to justify anger. It’s a cycle of sorts and if all of the pieces are there, they interlock quite beautifully. It’s truly a mind game that I know I play with myself. Somehow I try to convince myself that it’ll be easier to slam the emotional door if I’m mad.

I think that letting go without anger is the most painful thing in the world. When two people need to part but the love and respect is not lacking. When people cannot be together in spite of the need and desire for that. When things just aren’t right… Even though they really could, would be perfect… If only…

I think as we get older we all inevitably experience this hurt. Maybe it’s the friend that just conjures up the worst in you or the love of a lifetime that arrived too late. It could be a child heading down a self-destructive path or a parent too lost in themselves to see the damage and hurt they cause others.

[ADBLOCKHERE]Walking away while feeling nothing but hurt in your heart is hell. I don’t think that it ever really fades away either. It’s one of the purest forms of grief, losing a love simply because it is time to do so. Admitting to yourself that you wish for it to be different, allowing yourself to really imagine how different it could have been… Knowing that in fact it will likely never will be…

Just when you think you’re over the hump and past the worst part some little thing appears out of nowhere and triggers everything again. Life has a way of allowing a person to heal only so much before the emotional scab is ripped right off again. There you sit feeling the pain as intensely as you did on the first go-round. It may as well have just happened because it sure feels as though it did. I think each time we get tossed back in time the vicious circle gets a little bit bigger at least. I choose to believe that anyway.

Letting go in love, it’s just devastating.

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  • zingzing

    i wish i hadn’t read this. i’m in that position now. well, not yet, but i can see it coming. i’m really hoping things work out for the best, but that may mean that we can’t be together… *sigh*…

  • goombah

    Third line up from the bottom should be: vicious