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Objectum Sexuality: Loving Objects

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The house was large and white. It was old, and the paint was peeling off the front shutters, but the yard was very well kept, as if someone had spent many hours a day working on it.

I knocked on the large wooden door, and within seconds a small woman was standing before me. She led me in and offered me tea before we got started.

This person was Miranda Seagraves. Miranda is in love with her house. I visited her home in order to interview her.

“So you say that you are in love with your home. How does that work exactly?” I scanned the small dining room in which we were seated. Besides the table and chairs it was nearly empty. The walls were covered in pink and white wallpaper that was very faded and in some places peeling. The entire house seemed somewhat empty. It was obvious she didn’t often have visitors.

“I am very much in love with Howie, and he is very much in love with me.” Miranda sipped her tea. She was wearing a long skirt and a white blouse. She had neat blond hair tied into a tight bun that sat on top of her head. She peered at me through a pair of small pink glasses.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but did you call your house Howie?”

“Yes. That is his name.” Miranda fixed her dark brown eyes on me, studying me from where she sat. She set her cup on the small table separating us.

“OK, so tell me more about your relationship. How did you meet each other?” As Miranda watched me, I couldn’t help but get the impression she was judging whether I believed her.

“Well, I suppose it’s just like any other relationship. One day I was driving by and I saw the most beautiful house I’d ever seen. That’s what initially attracted me to Howie, you see. I guess it was just fate that he was for sale.” Miranda picked her cup back up and crossed her legs, still eying me. “I bought him as soon as I could. I really just wanted to be with him.”

“So in your relationship with Howie, and your past partners, do you have sexual intercourse?” I stiffened, slightly embarrassed at the question.

“Yes of course, and that’s private.” Miranda was obviously embarrassed as well.

“Have you had other relationships in the past, with people?” I rushed to my next question, hoping to ease the tension.

“Oh no. No, no, no.” She shook her head, smiling.

“Have you had other relationships in the past, with objects?”

“Oh yes, many of them I still maintain. I am still in love with George, my guitar. We see each other very often.” Miranda took a long sip from her cup and placed it back on the table.

“Does Howie allow your relationship with George?”

“Oh yes.”

At that she offered to take me on a tour to see the rest of her home and introduce me to her other, numerous lovers. Miranda had been “seeing” many different objects for most of her adult life. They ranged from a child’s toy to real-life monuments represented by plastic figures such as the Eiffel tower.

Miranda is one of the many Objectum-sexual people who are not currently in love with a national landmark. Those who are in love with more public figures are more often thrust into the public eye, while people like Miranda continue to live alone, privately living a life of relationships with inanimate objects.

Objects of OS vary. Many are household items, while some are national monuments. Still others include such abstract beings as computer programs and images.

Miranda is one of the estimated 40 people in the world who consider themselves objectum-sexual. Objectum-sexual people, or OS people, generally have had problems relating to people in their past, and Miranda was no different.

“I just don’t see how someone can bring something into this world and then not love it.”

Miranda’s parents were divorced, and she was taken and put into foster care when she was less than a year old. She also, like many other OS people, has Asperger’s syndrome. People with Asperger's are by no means necessarily OS, but they often have a hard time relating with people and forming relationships. Some find it easier to relate to inanimate objects.

Miranda and I finished the tour and I left. I went in to this thinking OS people were crazy, but now I have a much different understanding. Miranda showed me that she is perfectly sane. She’s just in love with an object. While this may seem contradictory to some people, doesn’t it seem sane to have a relationship with someone who will never leave you for someone else, and loves you completely forever?

Most OS people believe that all things, including "inanimate" objects, have souls just like people. These souls often have sexes and personalities, which relate to people in different ways.

The media has done a good job of sensationalizing OS in the past. They portray OS people as being openly sexual. While this may be true in some cases, Miranda assured me that the OS community is very keen on preserving the integrity of the objects of their affection, and that all intimacy is private, as it should be. The thought of openly fornicating with an object appalled her.

One of the more famous OS people is Erica Eiffel. She has been featured on many popular TV shows, such as Good Morning America and Nip/Tuck. She is featured in the documentary I Married the Eiffel Tower for obvious reasons.

Miranda enjoys being OS, and would have it no other way.

“I don’t want to be normal. If I had to do it all over again I would.”

She really is in love with these objects, and just like many "normal" people wouldn’t trade her past relationships for the world. Most OS people, as they go through their lives, go from relationship to relationship, just like regular people.

So next time you hear someone say, "I love that house," give a moment's thought to Miranda and the rest of the tiny minority of objectum-sexuals among us, who just want to be free to love as they choose.

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About Aaron Gayle