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Obamas Prepare for Societal Breakdown, Plant Survival Garden

Following the example of thousands of concerned families around the country, the Obamas are preparing for the worst-case outcome of complete social collapse by starting a garden on the White House lawn. In past eras presidents have put in swimming pools and bowling alleys, but times are grimmer and their choice of lifestyle enhancements represents an awareness that for many survival and keeping food on the table have become bigger concerns than entertainment or exercise.

The Obamas' victory garden is going to be 1100 square feet and visible from the street, like a beacon to the homeless and hungry who congregate in Lafayette Park in ever-growing numbers. It follows in the tradition of presidential vegetable gardens maintained by Abigail Adams and Eleanor Roosevelt, but with a more modern and fashionable selection of vegetables, including a healthy selection of soul food greens and trendy peppers and leaf vegetables. They hope to turn out enough vegetables to provide for family meals and lay some organically grown pride on the table for visiting dignitaries.

Of course, the rest of us who may be following the Obamas' example by necessity, rather than as a hobby or symbolic gesture, might want to focus on more practcal food sources than arugula and exotic herbs. For us, it's likely to be potatoes for the high carb content and chickens for the eggs and occasional bit of meat protein. Add in winter cabbage, onions and summer tomatoes and you've got a viable peasant diet. Since the current goal of our government appears to reduce us all to living like peasants, being prepared with low-cost, high volume garden items is essential.

If the Obamas are setting an example by planting a garden to feed their family they are also sending a message, and maybe not the one they intend. They're telling us we'd better learn to be self-reliant, because while there are many things which government may take from us, we really can't count on it to take care of us, to feed our families or provide us with any real security. It's a little hint of the truth which Obama can't admit to the followers for whom he promised to create an all-encompassing nanny state — the truth that if times get really hard there's a limit to what the government can do and when it gets as bad as his policies are going to make it, we'll be on our own and relying on our little gardens.

About Dave Nalle

  • Cindy

    Yikes bliffle,

    First of all, don’t they kill them by freezing? Second, any that would be left won’t be the kind that infest people. That is the point of the sushi chef. Third, you’d just eat them and they would be food.

    In some cultures food is huge white grubs.

    (I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr.D had a few of these in the pantry next to the daffodils.)

    Now, I am erasing this from my mind.

  • zingzing

    aww, bliffle is scared of tiny widdle penises sticking on raw, fishy matter… bliffle is scared of sex!

  • roger nowosielski

    unprotected sex, zing. Only if we could put little rubbers on those suckers . . .

  • roger nowosielski

    BTW, the Japanese make the best condoms in the world – paper thin. Did you know that?

    Not that I’m an enthusiast.

  • STM

    Rog: “BTW, the Japanese make the best condoms in the world – paper thin”.

    I realise those Jap condoms might be big sellers in America, but they just don’t sell at all in Australia … way too small.

  • STM

    Doc: “Cadbury’s Cream Eggs”

    Mmmmm. I grab one this time of year every time I stop at the servo to get petrol. Bad luck about the Kit-Kats.

  • STM

    I used to eat Sushi every second night when I was split up from my wife a few years back.

    Well, sashimi (tuna, kingfish, and salmon) actually – with heaps of sliced white radish, fresh ginger, miso soup and a small bowl of rice.

    With a small pot of green tea, total cost: $8, at a place – yes, this is for real – called Kirrakaze … they even had the aeroplane propeller hanging on the shopfront.

    Cheeky name, great food. It’s high energy stuff all-round and I don’t think I’ve ever been fitter in my whole life.

    They also made the best katsu-don I’ve ever tasted. Also about $8.

    They were actually Japanese too, rather than Korean-Japanese, who tend to run many of the sushi joints Down Under.

  • zingzing

    stm: “I realise those Jap condoms might be big sellers in America, but they just don’t sell at all in Australia … way too small.”

    oooh. actually, i’ve yet to see japanese condoms over here, so the point is invalid!

    and korean food trumps all asian cuisines. at least when not actually in asia. chinese food, in china, is a revelation.

  • Clavos

    Doc and STM,

    You do realize that you have the Aztecs to thank for chocolate, don’t you?

    You’re welcome.

  • STM

    Interesting dietry mix for you, then Clav … Guiness, potatoes cooked six different ways, smoked herring and Aztec-brand choccy :)

  • STM

    Wouldn’t mind trying a pint or five of that, though …

  • STM

    Cindy: “In some cultures food is huge white grubs”.

    Yep, that’s us – witchety grubs … they taste kind of nutty (and juicy). You’re supposed to eat them raw and wriggling, but I prefer them cooked on the barbie for a couple of seconds and then straight down the hatch.


    Mind, you, I DO prefer a good medium-rare rib-eye.

  • Cindy

    We call that a ‘grill’ Stan. A barbie is an anorexic doll who’s had breast implants, but whose nipples appear to have been removed in the process.

  • Clavos

    Oh no, Cindy.

    You’ve just destroyed my favorite kinky fantasy involving “prawns (shrimp) on the Barbie…”

  • Dr Dreadful


    Barbie’s surgical mishap(s?) pales in comparison to what my youthful curiosity discovered had happened to Action Man (the British version of GI Joe)!

    No wonder he wanted to get hold of the biggest, ugliest weapons he could find and blow to smithereens everything in sight.

  • Cindy

    Some Barbies from Mattel’s Contemporary Capitalism Collection:

    Generation X Barbie (Comes with ‘Will Work For Food’ sign.)
    Lap Dancin’ Barbie
    Millionaire’s Mistress Barbie
    Border Patrol Barbie
    Shoplifter Barbie (Comes with stuff from other playsets.)

    Barbie Double Sets:
    700 Club Barbie & God Barbie. (Anti-Christ Barbie sold separately.)
    Bikini Wax Barbie & Liposuction Barbie
    Third World Dictator’s Wife Barbie & CIA Bodyguard Ken

    Barbie’s Friends:
    Angry White Ken
    Repressed Memories Skipper
    Hyperactive Skipper (Ritalin sold separately.)
    Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell G.I. Joe

    Barbie and Friend’s Accessories:
    Ken’s Pimpin’ Fun Outfit
    Barbie’s Crack House
    Barbie’s Juvenile Detention Center
    Ken’s Tough Love Bootcamp (Comes with duct tape and taser.)
    Barbie’s Fun-Time Survivalist Bomb Shelter
    Barbie’s Illegal Sweatshop
    Barbie’s Patriot Playset (Includes American flag, M-16, and a ‘Grow a Brain Morans’ counter-protest sign.)
    Barbie’s Bodybag (unless included in above)

  • Dr Dreadful

    The counter-protest sign is my favourite.

    Those damn Morans*!

    * (They’re almost as bad as the Hannigans.)

  • Cindy


    That moran guy even has a band named after him.

    Poor Action Man. They did the same thing to Ken, you know.

  • Dave Nalle

    I assume you’re damning the Morans because of their ongong involvement in the IRA.

    BTW, there were some items left off your list:

    Anarchist Ken and Anarchist Barbie (come with black jumpsuits and black masks permanently glued on faces with eyeholes in the back)
    Tranzi Barbie (comes with Au Pair Kira and suitcase full of Euros)
    Au Pair Kira (complete with Action Burkha)
    Human Rights Activist Barbie (comes handcuffed with bag over head and a Hezbollah flag)
    Terrorist Ken (Anarchist Ken with his mask on forward and an AK-47)
    PETA Barbie (comes with bull condoms and body bag)
    Dhimmi Ken (Anarchist Ken with leg shackles and no hood)
    Student Activist Ken (comes with a stack of very small handouts, a mini Q’ran and a Pace flag)
    White Slave Barbie (comes with shackles, heroin kit and burkha)

    Barbie’s Anarchist Workshop and Meth Lab (burnt out trailer)
    Barbie’s Riot Gear Action Pack (foam full-body shield, molotov cocktail, red spray paint)
    Barbie’s Dream Madrassa


  • Cindy


    I am laughing so hard my stomach hurts.

    But Dave, PETA is all yours. It’s a Capitalist organization. I met a PETA person at the march in D.C. I tried to talk with her (for a limited time only). She figured that since PETA was marketing to Capitalists, their ‘I’d rather go naked than wear fur’ campaign was A-Okay. Hey we’re talking about saving animals here. Who cares if we have to exploit women to do that.

    No doubt about it Dave, a Capitalist organization, if I ever saw one.

    (moves PETA Barbie to the Capitalist collection)

  • STM

    People Eating Tasty Animals?

  • Clavos

    Whoa Cindy!

    PETA capitalist??

    They object to:

    eating meat

    wearing fur

    wearing leather (as in shoes)

    use of animals in medical research

    etc., etc.

    If we accepted all their premises there would be no capitalism — or capitalists (or anyone else, except for a few prehistoric communards), for that matter…

  • Cindy


    Okay what can we call them? Maybe they are insane Capitalists. Oh wait!

    Like I said…they’re Capitalists…