It’s easy to make fun of sorority girls. I come from a long line of them myself, and as I grew up among them, I realized it was like shooting fish in a barrel. Collegiates love to pick at the stereotypes of sorority women — your typical boozehound sluts who jump around in naked pillow fights. At the same time, we rarely consider the positive things sororities represent, like friends for life, philanthropy, and AA meetings on Tuesday nights.
And while it’s easy to mock, I admit that in the second semester of my freshman year, I did indeed join a sorority. Surprisingly, it’s a decision I have never regretted. And within a year of my initiation, I rose to the position of chapter president (and by “rose” I mean “slept with the right people”).
I am thankful for the opportunities I have had to meet sisters from across the continent. However, it’s widely known the rift that exists between northern and southern Greek systems. Many southern Greek institutions abide by “old school” rules, and are taken much more seriously than we northerners take it. But after meeting several president from southern chapters, I have come to one conclusion:
Southern sorority girls are freaking insane.
Somewhere through the annals of time, southern sorority girls have lost their minds. The AquaNet may have pervaded their nasal cavities and rotted their brains, or the thick layers of makeup may have contained lead paint that seeped through their pores. At any rate, they are pure, 100% batshit.
Northern sorority girls during rush.
Some examples of these essential “differences” (and by “differences,” I mean “ways that Southern girls are freaking crazy”) include:
Intimate Relationships: Many Southern Greeks find it unfathomable that I as a sorority girl and more so, a president, would date a man who is not of equal Greek status.
Southern Sorority Girl: So what fraternity is your boyfriend in?
Me: He’s not in a fraternity.
SSG: I don’t understand.
Me: He just never joined a fraternity while he was in college.
SSG: So what fraternity is your boyfriend in?
Me: My boyfriend is not in a fraternity.
SSG: (Yelling like I am deaf or retarded) WHAT FRA-TERN-I-TEEEE IS YOUR BOOYYYFRIEND IN?
(continues until I walk away)
Recruitment (formerly known as “rush”): Southern Greeks are known to be recruiting machines and often have extremely large chapters. Because Greek life is not necessarily as popular on northern campuses, chapter sizes are typically smaller.
SSG: So how big is your chapter?
Me: Well, we have around 50 girls coming back this fall.
SSG: That’s it? Oh my Lord, how does your chapter stay open?
Me: We’re about average-sized on our campus, I guess.
SSG: Well, my chapter has about 250 …. thousand. And we recruit about 3,000 girls every fall with 100% retention and we think we’re a bit too small … there’s a small outhouse in Louisiana who hasn’t accepted our bid … yet.
Image: Southern women are impeccable. Perfectly airbrushed makeup, hair that does not move within an inch of Armageddon, and perfectly tailored, outrageous wardrobe choices. Northern women, myself especially, seem to be more low-maintenance.
(During our 10 a.m. breakfast.)
Me: I dragged myself out of bed at 9:30 and I didn’t want to get up.
SSG: You woke up at 9:30 and did your hair and makeup when?
Me: Um … when I woke up.
SSG: I was up at 7 a.m. getting ready!
(At this point, SSG is eyeballing me up and down critically)
Me: Well, I guess I’m just quick at getting around …
SSG: Can I give you a makeover?
A southern sorority girl on her way to a pledge event.
Legacies: Legacies are daughters, granddaughters, or sisters of a member of the sorority. Many southern sorority women are part of a longstanding legacy tradition within the sorority.
SSG: My mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and all six of my sisters were sisters in (insert our sorority here).
Me: Nobody in my family was a (sorority name here).
SSG: So how did you get in?
Me: Umm, I guess the girls just liked me for me.
SSG: I know you said no before, but can I give you a makeover now?
While I was re-insulted, she sure did a number on my roots. Peer pressure’s a bitch. Then again, Peer Pressure was a legacy so we had to give her a bid.
I have no ill-will toward my sisters from the south. But it’s clear they are raised with different notions of Greek life than us northerners. For example, they are raised with the idea that if you are not in a sorority, your arms and limbs will fall off in a horrible bout of leprosy. And they have the pictures to prove it.
Nothing like that happens to northern sorority girls. Any loss of limbs will only come from a severe herpes epidemic.
And while we northerners are content with simply passing out on the front lawn of a fraternity house, southern women will outdo us once again, chaining themselves to the fraternity men’s beds and allowing the upstanding gentlemen of Tau Beta Alpha (which I just made up and if it is a real fraternity, I apologize) to take a dump on their heads. I think it’s called a “Gomer Pyle.” Gol-ly!
So in the end, northern and southern collegiate women really aren’t all that different, and in time, we will be able to expand our relationships across the Dixie Line. And hopefully those southern schools can clean up all those letter-less lepers on their campuses.