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Nintendo 3DS Review: Heavy Fire – The Chosen Few

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Choking on its own mediocre visuals and limp gunplay, the revolting Heavy Fire: The Chosen Few signals the cliff face drop-off point for punishingly stupid military shooters. As a society, we should be questioning how the blossoming popularity boom of saturated browns mixed with assault rifles carries enough retail heft to spawn trash like publisher Mastiff’s “franchise.”

A cavalcade of sleepy explosions introduces Will – sans rank, face, or other identifying feature – who guns down terrorists draped in camouflage, effective only because smeared textures match one another. Skewed polygons represent shootable limbs, one shot to a kill. Will’s pistol creates death by shooting a small toe.

Heavy Fire exists to murder without repercussions, splattering bodies that limply collapse as an excuse to paste cover art of a nondescript soldier wearing copious amounts of eye black, unflinching at posed action in the distance. Impressionable kids will eat it up, pretending to be Mr. America as they save the world from bad guys who were harvested together in luxurious beach side properties.

Guns are unseen, a bright red cursor (controlled via the touch screen), a beacon of ludicrous death that spews preposterous amounts of ammunition. Even Italian film knock-offs of Rambo would be embarrassed by the lunacy of Heavy Fire.

Light gun shooters, from the digitized criminal mayhem of Konami’s Lethal Enforcers to Namco’s Time Crisis work because of their guns. Physical attributes make them attractive and stylish, glitzy in their sharply-honed action. Mastiff drops their bomb on a portable screen of little consequence, stop-and-go action deliriously dopey as run-and-gun drug dealers or nuke traders parade across the screen. Their patterns are stripped of excitement, and aim obtusely inept. Cardboard cut-outs have a better shot at Will.

Heavy Fire feels drugged, languishing as it fails to keep up within its own code. Chugging audio avoids music, leveraging hope that strands of flattened gunfire or gruff, repetitive shouts for mortar fire will blend for dry ambiance. Machine guns sound like glass shattering or even laser blasts. Birds chirp happily amidst the jungle, oblivious to the war on the ground, the sound library culled from cutting room floors of legitimate software.

Weighted movement automatically shifts an often silent Will from spottily designed locations, swaying as stray opposing soldiers blindly fire in the distance for senseless points. Heavy Fire offers players a score if only to infuriate middle America moms who continue to associate videogames with bludgeoning dead hookers. For once, you do earn points for killing the handicapped, opposition apparently unable see ahead of their hail of muzzle flashes.

Suffering through the menagerie of MS Paint-level comic book interludes will eventually drop virtual cash, splurged on fresh weaponry that kills as effectively as the previous gun. Statistical differences terminate with clip ammunition; the starting pistol is equipped to drop rows of ill-conceived villains in the same way as the final assault rifle.

Subtitled The Chosen Few, this inconceivably moronic, warmongering gun-fest must refer to those who unknowingly purchase these trite, low aggression flops. Then again, purchasers are not chosen, just naïve.

Heavy Fire – The Chosen Few is rated T (Teen) by the ESRB for Mild Blood, Violence.

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About Matt Paprocki

Matt Paprocki has critiqued home media and video games for 13 years and is the reviews editor for Pulp365.com. His current passion project is the technically minded DoBlu.com. You can read Matt's body of work via his personal WordPress blog, and follow him on Twitter @Matt_Paprocki.
  • Nathaniel Nehrbass

    I am so sorry you had to review that:)

    • http://www.doblu.com/ Matt Paprocki

      It did not make me happy, I assure you.