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Ninja Gun – Noise Pollution In Valdosta, GA

Ah, the hatchet piece, the post modern Carducci, Meltzer, bmarkey blast I know I’m completely capable of is here in Valdosta, GA where I’ve journeyed to discover just what in the hell is a Ninja Gun where you’ll find “Johnny Cash meets T. Rex” slogan t-shirts in the Salvation Army store soon. Not since the halcyon days of Donnie and Marie has there been a group of individuals this “just a little bit country” and “just a little bit rock and roll” as are the guys in Ninja Gun. Who can I blame for this? Is it the alternative country movement as spearheaded by Uncle Tupelo’s ascendancy to demi-god status or just a product of Ninja Gun being from the South? Ninja Gun’s tunes can’t even rise to wearing cowboy boots in a mosh pit. The rock doesn’t rock and the country might be better if they would just get drunk. At least the Osmonds had “Crazy Horses” in their repertoire, a song even Led Zeppelin would be hard pressed to match.

Ninja Gun are hot shee-it in Valdosta where folks must get all of their exposure to music through MTV and the mall and there’s a whole country of eager types probably foaming at the mouth for miniature ninjas fired from a gun. They’ll delight to the angst of lead singer, guitar player, and songwriter Jonathan Coody lamenting that he’s 25 years old and not making a “smooth transition” to adulthood. They’ll find the “Barbara Ann” snippet at the beginning of “Jessie (She’s Only Gonna’ Dance With Me)” hysterical, instead of terrible. “Picture Of A Boy In His Prime” will be hailed as genius, instead of puerile crap lyrically and musically. The countrified tracks on Smooth Transitions will be taken as nods to Ninja Gun’s Southern roots, instead of schizophrenia. I live some 70 miles from Nashville and there are half-wit meth abusers with more country music chops than these young lads. It all sounds so half assed they’d get the screen door slammed in their faces if they came around trying to play around here.

To Ninja Gun’s credit they probably will try. I spent a few years playing in a garage band and the biggest failure there was we never really tried to make it big. Rock and roll is full of lousy bands that made it big through sheer perseverance. How else do we explain bands like Journey, REO Speedwagon, Styx, or Triumph to name but a few? If you tour enough that you become ubiquitous a hit record is bound to come no matter the quality. I just hope Ninja Gun can come up with something a shade better if and when it happens than the noise pollution they are currently peddling. Greatness can come from mediocrity – just witness how Dr. Dre survived being a part of the LA Dream Team. For now, just get me out of Valdosta on the first bus so I can get back home to my Osmonds records.

Visit the Soulfish Stew for more fine reading.

About Wally

  • http://biggreenhouse.typepad.com bmarkey

    the hatchet piece, the post modern Carducci, Meltzer, bmarkey blast

    Um, thanks?

  • http://www.wallybangs.blogspot.com wally bangs

    bmarkey,

    Dropping your name was not meant to imply you do hatchet pieces, but that I think your writing is some of the best rock and roll writing I’ve seen in years – right up there with Joe Carducci and Meltzer. I was just hoping the sarcasm laden review I wrote on Ninja (yuck) Gun would come within a few thousand miles of the great job you do with your reviews.

  • http://www.valdostakid.org Joe Reynolds

    wally bangs,
    i feel that personal liberty is the greatest vehicle for making the world and our communities all that we believe can be true. In that spirit, I would like to call you a big, old, fat daddy dickhead.
    sincerely,
    Joe Reynolds
    Valdosta Kid

  • Johnathan Coody

    I don’t mean to be the guy who gets a bad review and lashes out at the douchebag who served it up, but here goes…I’m sure your failed attempt at “success” in rock’n’roll could have been the catalyst for your bile, but I think it’s kind of pathetic for a hack/failure like yourself who really has nothing to say to write some review to probably impress a small group of nerdy hack friends. If you came to our show looking for a bunch of illiterate punks in cowboy boots trying to pimp out some form of fashion, then I’m sure you were both confused and let down. You see, people of your ilk can only comprehend superficiality. Originality is most likely lost on you. If it wasn’t, you would be contributing something to culture by creating. Unfortunately for you, those who can’t do…review. Oh yeah, Nashville sucks. I would get my lame family and get out of there as soon as possible if I were you. Here’s a news flash genius…country doesn’t live there. Never has.

  • weatherm

    I think they are very good so you can shove it :) Just because you can’t play a musical instrument doesn’t mean you have to hound some people that can.

  • DiGGeR

    lol. The lead singer just e-pwnd the reviewer.

  • NinjaGunFan

    [Edited] Wally Bangs, there isn’t an ounce of positive criticism in that entire review. You can have your own personal opinions, but to be a successful reviewer (the job you are failing at) you cannot have biased views. [Personal attack deleted by Comments Editor]

  • NinjaGunFan

    Anyone who wants to read a professional and fair review of Ninja Gun.