Our two little knuckleheads, two and six, are — like atomic particles — either a blur of frenetic, squealing, flailing, bonking motion; or they are inert. When inert, odds are they are watching some form of Nickelodeon (Nick, NickToons, Nick Jr., TEENick, Noggin). As a result, I see a lot of Nick; and unlike the kids, who never seem to tire of their favorite episodes, who luxuriate in the familiarity, if I see Spongebob and Patrick steal that balloon one more time, something is going to pop.
So, it is with much personal pleasure and relief that I announce a bounteous lineup of Nick premieres for May sweeps beginning tomorrow night, May 5 (Cinco de Mayo, no less, time to bust out the Coronas and margaritas). Cartoons SpongeBob, Fairly Odd Parents, Catscratch, Avatar, Danny Phantom, and a BRATZ movie are included in the fiesta; as well as live actioners Ned’s Declassified, Romeo!, the new girls’ soccer/buddy show Just For Kicks, and Icelandic pre-school oddity Lazytown.
Friday, May 5th
7:00 pm SpongeBob #70: “Chimps Ahoy/Ghost Host”
(70A) SpongeBob and Patrick help a distraught Sandy by taking over her work and finishing her inventions so her undersea treedome funding won’t be cut by the chimps who foot the bill. What keeps her air-filled dome from floating to the surface, I always wonder. Love the Bob. (70B) The Flying Dutchman (Bill’s brother Brian Doyle Murray) takes up residence at SpongeBob’s house where he proceeds to scare, startle, and surprise SpongeBob around the clock; to which the sponge eventually becomes inured. The ghost freaks — SpongeBob helps him learn to scare again (the first cut is the deepest).
7:30 pm Catscratch #115: “Two of A Kind/Core-uption”
(115A) As their families prepare for battle, Waffle befriends the Chumpy Chump brother known as Lunk. (115B) Kimberly’s teacher fails her on her project: a model of the earth’s core, made of glitter, cotton candy, rainbows, and other pretty stuff. Seeing Kimberly upset, Gordon travels to the center of the earth, and tosses her project into the core — the earth transforms.
8:00 pm Avatar #207: “Zuko Alone”
Traveling without Uncle now, Zuko wanders alone into an Earth Kingdom town where he bonds with a local boy. Meanwhile, Zuko is haunted by memories of his own youth. Anime=ick.
9:00 pm Danny Phantom #39: “Double Cross My Heart”
Sam’s got a new crush: Gregor, a goth transfer student from Europe. And Danny’s jealous, although he won’t admit it. Is Sam truly in danger from Gregor and the Guys in White, or is Danny just jealous of Sam and Gregor’s growing romance? Something bugs me about this show: it isn’t really very funny, nor scary, nor visually appealing.
Saturday, May 6th
8:00 pm Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide #218: “Music Class/Class Clown”
(218A) Ned and Cookie try to survive the boredom and tedium of learning an instrument in Music Instruction class while Moze gets Mozart music stuck in her head in Music Appreciation and can’t get it out. (218B) When the Class Clown moves to Cleveland, Ned, Cookie, and Moze do an all out search for a new clown before things get to depressing at Polk. Ned is a dork.
Sunday, May 7th
7:00 pm Romeo! #306: “Baby on Board!”
With Angeline’s labor imminent and Percy out of town on a business trip, Romeo is in charge. When complications arise in the delivery, Romeo blames himself. Percy arrives and convinces Romeo that he did a great job acting as the man of the house. I wish Romeo wouldn’t mumble so much.
8:30 pm Just For Kicks#110: “I’ll Cry If I Want To”
An early morning game in Queens causes groans from the team, except Vida. With her house only blocks from the field, she invites the entire team over to spend the night so everyone will be well rested for the game. “Slumber party!” We watched this show the other night — it’s more tweeny and realistic than other Nick shows — has possibility.
Friday, May 12th
7:00 pm SpongeBob #71: “Whale of a Birthday/Karate Island”
(71A) Mr. Krabs wants to give his daughter Pearl the best birthday ever. While he works on the party, SpongeBob is assigned the task of figuring out what Pearl would like for a present. (71B) SpongeBob receives an invitation to take part in a competition on mysterious Karate Island for the chance to be crowned “King of Karate.” I love the other ka-ra-tay ep — very kinetic.
7:30 pm Catscratch #116: “Magic Staff/The Secret Door”
(116A) After finding a staff that transforms the bearer into a hulking superman, the cats get selfish. They each want the powers of a hero, even if they don’t want to act like one. (116B) Blik and Gordon can’t figure out why Waffle keeps disappearing, until they find out that Waffle has discovered a secret world hidden inside the mansion! The voices on this show annoy me.
8:00 pm Avatar #208: “The Chase”
As the kids are pursued relentlessly by a mysterious machine, their exhaustion puts them at each other’s throats.
Saturday, May 13th
8:00 pm Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide #219: “Failing/Tutors”
(219A) Ned is warned that he must ace all his final exams or he might stay back a grade. Moze gets her first “F” ever and panics while Cookie tries to fail tests to avoid advancing to high school. (219B) Ned has to find a tutor in order to avoid summer school. Moze gets into some tutor trouble by having a bunch of sixth graders fall in love with her.
Sunday, May 14th
Nickelodeon Movie Premiere: BRATZ: Genie Magic
Sunday, May 14th @ 12pm
The Bratz befriend a real-live genie girl named Katia. They encourage her to believe in herself and convince her that they like her for who she is, not her magic powers. Bratz look like squished, multi-ethnic Angelina Jolies — they are evil.
7:00 pm Romeo! #311: “The Mrs. Landers Incident”
A new student, Stacy-Marie, has moved to Romeo’s school and joined his class. Stacy-Marie seems to spend most of her time correcting Romeo in everything from his class work to his basketball game, leading him to see her as an annoying know-it-all. She is.
8:30 pm Just For Kicks #106: “I Love Lucy”
Freddie introduces Lauren to her grandmother, Lucy, an avid violinist, and invites Lauren to join them for dinner and a violin “jam” session.
noon LazyTown #130: “Ziggy’s Alien”
Ziggy wants to play “outer space” with the other kids, but they say he’s too small. Robbie Rotten poses as an alien named Zobby and tries to make the kids do his bidding. I like this weird weird show.
noon LazyTown #134: “Sports Candy Festival”
Robbie wants the LazyTown kids to stop eating healthy foods so he disguises himself as life-size fruits and vegetables, hoping to scare the kids into eating candy instead.
noon LazyTown #135: “Dancing Duel”
There’s a dance competition underway in LazyTown but Robbie believes that if Stephanie wins, LazyTown will become too active. So he creates a robot dancing girl to compete against Stephanie.
LazyTown #136: “Sportacus On The Move”
A day in the life of Sportacus, as he goes about his daily routine — performing incredible stunts and saving the residents of LazyTown.
Friday, May 19th
8:00 pm Fairy Idol Parents Special *EVENT*
Norm the Genie has had enough of being a Genie. He’s sick of all the lame masters he’s had to serve throughout the centuries, he’s sick of granting the same unimaginative three wishes over and over again, and he is sick and tired of his lamp. Love Timmy and the Odd Parents: among the triumvirate of animated mightiness on Nick, along with Spongebob and Jimmy Neutron.
Saturday, May 20th
8:00pm Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide #216: “Science Fair/Study Hall”
(216A) Ned, with Moze’s help, tries to disprove Sweeney’s scientific theory that Ned can never win a ribbon. Cookie tries to win Vanessa back by showing her grandmother what a great student he is. (216B) While Ned actually uses study hall to “study” for an important test, Cookie tries to sneak out to meet Vanessa and Moze must use the time to wear an embarrassing traction harness from a volleyball injury.
Sunday, May 21st
7:00 pm Romeo! #305: “The Tipping Point”
After a performance, a goofy looking guy named Omar comes up to Ashley and Ro at the club and reveals that he is Ashley’s boyfriend. Romeo can’t believe it — he’s never heard her mention having a boyfriend. What else is she hiding from him? (Besides the herpes, I mean.)