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So now the American Democrats and literati have mostly finished licking their little wounds and apparently have decided not to migrate up here after all due to a little cold and snow in Ottowa, one supposes. Eventually, the question surfaces: What now?

Netaloid will tell you what now. Now, you live up close to Bush II. He’s reached out to you and, if you are good little ‘Mericans, you’ll observe the behavior of his Mandate and follow suit. Learn to tremble when he says it’s a good time to be afraid, turn your TV on and keep it tuned to Faux News for the correct version of truth, quit wasting your time reading claptrap by so-called respected news reporters. Sit down, in other words, and shut up.

Here, in a nutshell, is the Mighty Bush Mandate: It’s OK to be ignorant and illiterate; in fact, it’s encouraged. Proof?

A large majority of Bush supporters believe that before the war Iraq had weapons of mass destruction or a major program for building them. A substantial majority of Bush supporters assume that most experts believe Iraq had WMD, and that this was the conclusion of the recently released report by Charles Duelfer. A large majority of Bush supporters believes that Iraq was providing substantial support to al Qaeda and that clear evidence of this support has been found. A large majority believes that most experts also have this view, and a substantial majority believe that this was the conclusion of the 9/11 Commission. Large majorities of Kerry supporters believe the opposite on all these points.

In recent months, the American public has been presented reports by the Senate Intelligence Committee, and the heads of the Iraq Survey Group David Kay and Charles Duelfer (chosen by the president), concluding that before the war Iraq had neither weapons of mass destruction, nor even a significant program for developing them. Nonetheless, 72% of Bush supporters continued to hold to the view that Iraq had actual WMD (47%) or a major program for developing them (25%). Only 26% of Kerry supporters hold such beliefs.

Furthermore, 56% of Bush supporters (as compared to 18% of Kerry supporters) believe that most experts say that Iraq did have actual WMD, and another 18% say that the experts’ views are evenly divided on the subject. Only 23% think that most experts believe Iraq did not have WMD.

Though this poll was taken immediately after chief weapons inspector Charles Duelfer delivered his report to Congress on whether Iraq had WMD, a majority of Bush supporters misperceived the conclusions of his report. Fifty-seven percent believed that he concluded that Iraq did have either WMD (19%) or a major program for developing them (38%).

Go back and read the above four paragraphs one more time, then ask yourself: If I’m so smart and they’re so stupid, why do they have a president representing their stupidity, while my candidate is home counting his Heinz Ketchup allowance?

Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and the rest of the Darth Vader Strategy Club got where they are today simply by taking PT Barnum to heart and refusing to underestimate the stupidty of the American public. For the past four years, they groomed stupidity, nurtured it, and it grew. American stupidity now is bigger and of much higher quality than ever before. Leave No Child Behind? My ass. Preach the program, but whatever you do, don’t fund it, or there goes your stupid political base for the coming generation. Meanwhile, the best those Democrats have going is the fact that Terry McAuliffe’s term is almost up as chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

So what’s next, my little ‘Mericans? Well, of course there’s the aforementioned four years of mind-numbing stupidity and ignorance, global warming and pollution, thousands of war dead in Iraq, $60-per-barrel oil, sharply rising interest rates and a new constitutional amendment against cognizant thought.

And then, on the political scene, Rove and the Body Snatchers toy with the idea of supersizing the Stupid Base by grooming Brother Jeb Bush for the trifecta, although even the cynical Netaloid doubts that dog’s ability to hunt. Eventually, John McCain will hold a little meeting with R & the BS and emerge as the next GOP Champion. After all, he’s spent years masterfully grabbing the role of peace-maker between conservative Democrats and moderate Republicans. Some of the former actually like him. Obviously, they’ve never lived in Arizona. If they had, they’d know that he’s as capable of pursuing a blindingly stupid right-wing agenda as was Barry Goldwater before he grew up and came to his senses.

So on the right we’ll have John McCain, in the role of healer of America’s great divide. And on the left we’ll have the inevitable Hillary Clinton, armed only with the experience, intelligence, and perception necessary to make clear judgments based on what’s best for the majority of Americans and the country in general. Not to mention the ability to make reasoned world policy decisions without the testosterone-induced hypnosis that tends to drive the USA into quagmires every few years.

Naturally, the corporations hate her because she doesn’t appear to know a good bribe when she sees one. Yet that hatred is more visceral, eminating from way down deep inside of some DNA strand. Because, shitfire, Hillary Clinton is a woman! And what, my friends, would become of the Balls of Baptist ‘Merica if the greatest nation in the galaxy were to be represented by a woman? Exactly.

Once that tidbit of fear is drilled into the consciousness of the Stupid Base, McCain is a shoe-in.

So that’s it for the next eight years.

Any questions?

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About loid

  • Eric Olsen

    on just one point: I totally reject the “fertilizer” argument about Iraq. While surely the death of friends and relatives has pissed off many an Iraqi, the bottom line is by demonstrating our reslove and willingness to fight on the ground in the heart of Islam, we have removed bin Laden’s charges of weakness against us, which, along with our presence in Saudi Arabia, also made unnecessary by our efforts in Iraq, has removed the two fundamental excuses for al Qaeda’s behavior. I would say this has made us much safer in the long run. ANY military action will generate opposition: the positives outweigh the negatives.

  • Loid, perhaps you’ve been confused by the news reports. It’s Islamic jihadists who are out trying to kill everyone, not US.

    Despite 9/11 and the anthrax attacks, perhaps you somehow think that if we just don’t swat at them, they will leave us alone. Perhaps you’ve missed the reports of thwarted terrorist plots here every few weeks since the 9/11 opening salvo.

    Perhaps you think that imam in Albany wouldn’t really have set up a huge assassination at the UN like he was caught trying to do. Perhaps you don’t think that Somali jackass would really, really blow up a mall in Columbus, OH. Or perhaps you simply don’t care.

    More generously, perhaps it’s just that you do not HAVE to care, because the US is taking the responsibility for stopping the bad guys. It’s much easier and more gratifying to bitch about how the US is doing the job than to have to be the one responsible for actually doing it.

    As to WMDs, we actually have found some scraps. Article in the LA Times a couple of weeks ago cited 58 WMD items, mostly apparently old shells with bits of nerve gases. At least one was used against some of the new Iraqi police in August. That’s not the big stockpiles we had every reason to expect, but it’s a lot more than nothing.

    It’s unfortunate that we haven’t gotten the dreaded UBL yet, but we’ve sure slowed him down. He’s not been able to take another bite out of the Big Apple.

    One thing’s for certain, though. When some of these people reach up to kill a couple of Canucks, y’all will be demanding that Dubya DO SOMETHING.

    America, F*&% yeah!
    Coming again to save the motherf*%&ing day

    Again, a sincere thank you would be in order.

  • OK, thanks so much for protecting me from the architects of 9/11 (oh, wait, bin Laden’s still on the loose). And from Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction (oh, right, there weren’t any after all, my bad). And almost needless to mention, those responsible for shutting down Congress and killing private citizens with anthrax letters were never caught.

    The misguided American military adventure in Iraq has killed about 1,200 young Americans and somewhere in the neighborhood of 60,000 Iraqis. Those 60,000 have extended families. Just through those killings, let alone resentment at the lack of basic infrastructure and no hint that allied militaries are leaving any time soon or later, has likely caused a tremendous surge in recruitment amongst the so-called insurgents.

    In other words, U.S. military interference in Iraq has acted like fertilizer, growing a fine crop of angry new terrorists. Great. Thanks a lot for the protection.

    And now I see Bush’s new man at the CIA is running off the most experienced officers there.

    And the military telegraphed their attack on Fallulah for so long that andy “insurgents” who cared to had plenty of time to leave beforehand and set up terror outposts elsewhere in the country, which they’ve obviously done as evidenced by the increase in soldier deaths north and south of Bagdad.

    And countries still can drive big ocean-going vessels into virtually any American harbor without fear their cargo will be x-rayed or checked.

    So sure, Al, thanks for all that protection and ace strategy. I think we’d probably be a lot safer if you’d trade geographic places with Mexico to give us a buffer zone.

  • Loid, US Americans are paying for and providing you with your basic defense, which also allows you the moral luxury of not having to make hard decisions and do mean things.

    Rather than this faux-sophisticated sniping, a simple thank you would suffice.

  • Mac- Probably from the same supplier that’s been selling them for the past four years!

  • Sit down, in other words, and shut up.

    That’s the message. And, the Justice Department is, as we speak, plotting ways to help some of us shut up and give us a place to sit. People who think the new Bush administration is about reconcilation should head en masse to their nearest mental health facility — which, unfortunately, would be overwhelmed.

    Yesterday, I began seeing ‘Impeach Bush’ bumper stickers. I wonder where people are getting them.

  • Scoota Rey

    Hey, fuck you too RJ. And if you read my comment again, you would realize that that would make sense in the context of the passage.

    P.S.: When I say “fuck you”, I’m saying something like “go to hell”, or “die bitch”. There’s no sexual connotation to that when I said it.

  • RJ

    “Fuck Bush.”

    Deep Thoughts…With Jack Handy…

  • RJ

    “didn’t the U.S. back Iraq in that war with Iraq?”

    Talk about sending mixed messages!

  • RJ

    Where, exactly, is “Ottowa” located? :-/

  • ooh, you forgot that the US (along with other western countries) also sold Saddam much of the components he needed to get his WMD programs started. Yeah, it was way back in the early eighties. As was the time he actually used them on his own people.
    Yes, Saddam used to have WMDs, a decade or two ago. Bush must be feeling glad he no longer has to say “Saddam HAS WMD” because now no-one can say he’s lying about it, technically.

  • and this a-hole calls me ignorant???

  • Scoota Rey

    Loid is right. Yensid is right. Andy Marsh is ignorant. I too think that stupidity is a reason for Bush’s victory. If you talk to some average people about politics, some of them reveal their ignorance on these issues. People (at least in America) tend to belive solely in the media and even more in the government when in fact these people are liars that decieve the American people and manipulate our fears of another terrorist attack to fight an unjust war that’s clearly oil-motivated. I think that its good for people from other countries to comment on our actions. After all, we are the most influental country in the world.
    Also, I believe that David’s viewpoint is flawed. The war in Iraq was one of the worst decisions I’ve seen a president make. Yes, Iraq did have weapons of mass destruction–back in the 1980s. They weren’t even nuclear. They were chemical and biological weapons that aren’t nearly as dangerous as a nuke. Also, didn’t the U.S. back Iraq in that war with Iraq? Hmm…
    Iraq doesn’t have WMD nor were they in the process of making WMD. The government either lied to us (most likely) of acted too soon on their evidence. So, why did we go to Iraq? Well kids, Iraq has a lotta oil. Oil in these days basically means world domonation. The plan was to replace the Saddam Club with some American-friendly Iraqis who would sell us oil cheap. So we sent ill-prepared soldiers into a foreign country and now look what happens: we have a huge insurgency and there is a high deathtoll in Iraq due to warfare.
    Yes guys, Bush isn’t the oh-so-friendly friend you think he is. Iraq never attacked us on 9/11, bin Laden did, and it is undeniably egregious and morally wrong for the leader of the free world to decieve his people into believing that.
    Fuck Bush.

  • Whoa! Easy big fellas! Netaloid merely offers a little satirical humor to ease the pain on the left. Surely after your man’s bracing victory you can shoulder the burden a couple of barbs produce, eh?

  • This is what we need…more canadians telling us how to run our country…you need to go wait in line for some of that state sponsored welfare type mental health you folks seem to like so much!

    You should try staying out of American politics and go kiss the queens ass some more!

  • Loid, Thanks for telling us what we already know. People in the country are becoming increasingly stupid, lazy and when they are not either of the aforementioned, they are simply mislead by our media. As bloggers we have a huge task ahead of us. I would like to think it will make a difference.

  • Loid,

    Thank you for that refreshingly shallow parody of a thoughtful, well-written post.

    Let me first point out that you too are an “Merican.” Even though we here in the US always call ourselves Americans — in actual fact, that is what we are — that does not mean that others living on this continent are not Americans themselves. You are.

    Furthermore, most US Americans (I’ll make this distinction for you so you don’t feel left in regards to the ‘American’ label) believe that Saddam has WMDs because, in actual fact, he did. Not only did he have the weapons, he even used those weapons against both Iran and his own people.

    As for your selective quotes above, what you do not mention because, of course, you are simply a liberal parrot echoing back what you hear from the spinmeisters of the left, is that David Kay went on to say that, in many ways, Saddam was more dangerous than we thought. As well, the Duelfer report also affirmed that Saddam was in clear and constant violation of UN sanctions, had facilities in place to allow for a fast recovery of WMD programs if and when sanctions were lifted, and that Saddam was an active supporter of terrorists organizations and causes.

    So, Loid, perhaps before you go using a big complicated word like “stupid” no less than 10 times in the same post, you should take a quick look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions…

    Did I take the time to fact check the information given to me by fellow liberals and/or found on liberal Bush-bashing sites on the Internet? Did I at least try and exercise a moment of independent thought on this topic before simply buying into what I was being told, or did the information SO jibe with my personal worldview that I just HAD to run with it?

    And one last little point… What would you know about death and sacrifice? Granted, Canadians have done their honorable duty in many major engagements of the 20th century, but the vast majority of the blood spilled in this country on 9/11 was the blood of our own. I’m sure Canadians died on that day too, but I would imagine that you blame us “Mericans” for that, right?

    I work in the Washington D.C. area and I have friends who work at the Pentagon. On 9/11, I saw the smoke rising in the sky from the strike there. Everyone here knew on that day that war had been declared on us.

    And, in that vein, of course we reelected President Bush. No wartime president in our country has ever lost a reelection bid and when Kerry finally, about a month before the election, took an anti-war stance, it sealed his fate.

    Well, that and the fact that former VP Al Gore was out stumping for him. That guy’s endorsement is the kiss of death.



  • Eric Olsen

    loid, well-written if clearly Canadian (isn’t that a porduct of some sort?) – the thing is, Iraq DID have WMD, just not recently (or so it appears), so the statement that people believe Iraq had WMD needs more detail to be able to tell what these people are actually saying.

    And, seriously, there is more to it than abject stupidity – swear. Thanks and welcome!