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New Jersey Residents Need to Learn to Drive

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I know that I drive a little faster than the rest of the population. I also know that some people would say I drive “crazy” or “like a maniac”, but honestly I don’t see what the hell you are talking about. Just because I know how to drive doesn’t mean I drive like a nut job. I just want to get where I am going.

Case in point: how many times have you been stuck behind the person going slow in the left lane? This moron has got to be able to tell that there is a line of cars directly behind him. If you are in the left lane and you are going under the speed limit then guess what? YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE. The left lane is for passing slower traffic (which stays in the right lane). Hence the “slower moving traffic keep right signs”. It’s not for Sunday drivers or for when you are turning left 6 miles ahead. You will have plenty of time to get into the left lane when you get near your turn. A lot of times you are the reason that there is a traffic build up. I can’t tell you how many times I am driving to or from work and get stuck behind someone going the same speed or less than the cars in the right lane. If you are neck and neck with the car next to you then get the fuck behind them. You are obviously not going to win the race.

Another annoyance is the “slow turner”. This guy isn’t sure enough about where he is going or how he is going to get there. He makes his turn like he wants to make sure his car actually can turn. If you want to get into the Rite Aid, then by all means, turn the fuck in. Don’t dilly-dally like you want to make sure there is really a parking lot and not a hole into the center of the earth. It’s really there, I am almost 100% positive it is not an optical illusion. So get in there. Make your turn and mean it. Don’t you want to get where you are going? Think about the people behind you who want to keep going. Parking lots are big just so that it’s easy to get into them.

And people who slow down everytime something is going down on the side of the road — construction, someone changing a tire, something bright and shiny, etc. What are you looking at? And why the hell are you slowing down? Why, on a two-sided, double split roadway, would you need to slow down when there is something going on way across the street? Hey jack-off, it has nothing to do with you. Either mind your own buisness and keep going, or get the hell out of the way. I don’t care if you pull over, get out of the car, and go check it out. If that’s your thing then indulge yourself. Also you don’t need to slow down to less than the speed limit because a cop has someone pulled over. Hello, he’s already pulled someone over, you’re safe. I’m not saying whizz by and knock his Tropper hat off, but geeze do you need to drop below 40? Come on…

Also, maybe its time we raise the driving age. I mean I’m not saying that all 17- and 18-year-olds can’t drive, but I have seen quite a few that certainly shouldn’t be behind a wheel. Maybe we just need to make the test more difficult or something. I work with some younger kids and honestly, they are absolutely terrible drivers. One young girl has already had two accidents. How does that happen? Well, let’s see. She isn’t coordinated, isn’t even mildly alert, is about as bright as a 10-watt bulb, and has as much sense as a rock. The driving test is a joke. It certainly doesn’t teach any defensive driving techniques or even real situations. The test is more like a ‘how to park’ class. At least take them out on the road or something. I don’t ever worry about my driving, I always worry about other peoples’ driving. These girls don’t even understand basic laws like who gets to turn first at an intersection, or the principles behing yielding and passing.

Also, I am a firm believer that you should have to retake your drivers test at certain times of your life. When you are too old to walk, you shouldn’t drive. If you don’t have good motor skills then maybe you shouldn’t be driving a motor vehicle. I think if you retire you should have to retake the test. I mean there are people driving who are legally blind. How does that happen? I don’t want to take everyone’s license away when they get to 65, but have you ever driven behind a senior citizen or watched them manuver through traffic? It’s freakin’ scary, man. Plus, if they can’t remember the date how are they going to remember how to drive? Their coordination is shot by that age. Plus they nod off a lot.

I am sure that there are a million people who will have the opposite opinion, but I just wanted to put it out there. I was once told that no matter how much I thought I was going to love to drive, that when I got older I would grow to hate it. Well I don’t hate it at all, but I do hate other drivers.


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About ChaosBrian

  • did you know that back in the day NJ was considered to have the safest roads in the nation?

  • Heh. The drivers I least like to share the road with are the angry ones who think they drive better than everyone else on the road…

  • exactly lisa. the example of the ‘slow’ driver in the fast lane is different in massachusetts. if you’re going any slower than 80 you’re in BIG trouble.

  • Mark, there is a Ted Kennedy joke somewhere in that. I just… I’m drawing a blank.

  • sal m

    as a jersey resident i kind of agree…part of the problem with young drivers is that they don’t have behind the wheel training in a lot of schools…and for all the nonsense about not being allowed to talk on the phone and drive there is no inforcement of this “law.”

  • Duane

    I doubt that Jersey drivers are worse that California drivers, or those in any other state for that matter. There are two things that drivers need: (1) technical driving ability, and (2) awareness of and obedience to road etiquette. California is stocked to the gills with people who qualify in category (1), but who don’t seem to know (or don’t care) about basic etiquette. Etiquette is not sissy stuff — it makes the road safer, not to mention making them more pleasant for all concerned. Here are a few basic rules of etiquette that are sadly ignored by about 3/4 of the drivers where I live:

    Signal whenever you’re making a turn, unless there are no cars, bikers or pedestrians around.

    Do not drive in my blind spot — that means don’t criuse along the freeway in a relatively stationary position on my right or left rear. Back off or pass.

    For Godsakes, do not tailgate on the highway.

    Do not park your new Lexus so that it takes up two parking spaces.

    When merging onto a freeway, accelerate up to freeway speed as quickly as possible. Do not enter the freeway doing 35 with no left turn indicator.

    When cruising down the freeway in the slow lane, upon encountering a heavy merge from the right, move over one lane to minimize the chaos.

    Do not slow down to gawk at traffic phenomena on the other side of the divider (just seconding Brian’s comments).

    Don’t throw your McDonald’s garbage out the window onto the road or roadside. Good Christ.

    At a four-way stop, don’t be overly polite and let everyone else go before you. Go on your proper turn. You’ll know when that is, if you’re paying attention. Just go, or else chaos ensues. Road etiquette should be tastefully exercised.

    That’s just a start.

  • just a start?? i agree with some of your premises.at what age are you willing to surrender your driver license? i have ridden a motorcycle in traffic.i found the best place to be is right next to a car in another lane. four way stops thing i agree with you. some drivers think that the first one off the line has the right of way. another peeve i have with younger drivers is when a traffic light is out, it becomes a four way stop. younger drivers think think nothing says i have to stop!they just keep coming through the intersection. i try to drive the center lane on freeways because i have two options to avoid an accident.we have hov lanes lanes ln az, one women was stopped, she claimed being pregnant allowed her to use the hov lane. not!!! i will confess that i am one of the old drivers you mentioned. i am physically handicapped, not mentally! i was born in 1941, enjoyed your blog

  • Ever driven in Istanbul or for that matter been a pedestrian in Istanbul when a mercedes leaves the road and starts driving down the sidewalk you’re walking on. You can’t even talk about bad drivers until you try driving in Istanbul.


  • JR

    Lisa McKay: The drivers I least like to share the road with are the angry ones who think they drive better than everyone else on the road…

    That’s just about all of them.

    …I mean, us.

  • Nik

    I kinda came to south carolina for a month from NJ and i know NJ people can drive better. I see a deadly crash everyday. My car was about to get tailgated, buy i dodged it. My cosines car got tailgated (im lucky), my three friends got hit by the other person. on top of that i didn’t had any lights yesterday because a guy ran into the light pole, smacking the pole in three pieces. This was over the period of a month, wow. More than what i heard my entire life in NJ. Now blame NJ people. Im coming back before somebody rams me. CHEEEZE.