By Johnny Butane
Check out what you'll be purchasing come March 20th, 2007…
Oh, Elizabeth Shue, what happened to you? How did you end up in a direct-to-DVD thriller? Was it Hollow Man that did this to you? Poor thing. First Born is about a woman who, when she conceives her first child, her life begins to go all sorts of wrong. Her husband has no time for her anymore, her mom is thousands of miles away and an eventual C-section makes her see things in a whole new light. Then a creepy babysitter enters the picture and she really loses it, trusting no one and aiming for her own destruction.
A documentary about the rise and fall of the slasher film? Yes, please. It helps that the director is a massive fan of the subgenre and understands its significance in both horror and the cinematic world in general. It's not as comprehensive as some would like, but the simple obscurity of some of the movies referenced and discussed within will help you forget about that.
All right it’s about damn time we got a movie about deer taking their revenge on mankind for hunting them for so long. Or at least that’s what I’m theorizing The Hunt is about. It tells of a man who takes his son and a cameraman into the woods with him to make a deer hunting video, but in order for it to make any sense, they need to get a kill. They venture into a restricted area and end up turning from hunters to hunted. By deer? Damn, I hope so!
Now this sounds like a badass slice of J-horror. Or in this case K-horror since the film is from Korea. The story is about a part-time prostitute who is murdered by her teacher and three brothers, then brought back as a killing machine thanks to modern technology. She can’t be stopped, she can’t be reasoned with and she’s so damn hot you won’t be able to resist her. This one’s been getting all sorts of reviews for years now; good to see it's finally coming to the States!
The second of Season Two’s episodes was not exactly one that fans were terribly thrilled with. In fact most people said it was one of the worst, which is a shame because the premise, about a girl who is raped by a demon and gets held up in an abortion clinic while her militant father kills everyone he sees to get her out, is a cool one. Even more so when you factor in demon babies and fathers, but I guess it just didn’t work for fans.
Lord of the landfill? God of the garbage? Doesn’t sound like the sort of thing you would want on a resume, but I guess you really do have to work with your strengths, right? The movie is about a small town that is terrorized by a monster created by them or, more specifically, their desire to fuck with the environment. The monster, having no other choices in life, goes around killing anyone who happens to cross its path.
Where the hell did this come from? Mummy Theme Park, are you kidding me? In the story a crazy Sheik decides to turn a newly unearthed City of the Dead in Egypt into a, you guessed it, Mummy Theme Park. Two Americans are sent to cover the event and run afoul of the newly-resurrected mummies, brought to a second life by the microchips in their heads. What a fucked up idea, and I have to ask again: Where did this come from?
Man, why the hell would you want to take refuge in an abandoned mansion? I mean unless you’re looking for some creepy-ass shit to happen all around you, it just doesn’t make any sense. This young couple has to stay at a scary mansion owned by a beautiful woman who wants to scare them away by awakening legends of days gone by. Vampires and witches come out to make the couple’s life a living hell, but will they get out alive?
Stuart Gordon’s classic splatter version of the H. P. Lovecraft story is out on DVD again, but this time it just might be the definitive version of the film and its contents. If you’ve never seen Re-Animator, I have to insist you stop reading this site right now and go watch it, then come back. How dare you. Features on this new DVD version include a brand-new 70-minute documentary about the film, commentary, and multiple interviews plus a ton more.
My God, why does this movie exist? For some reason the guy who did Eight Legged Freaks got the gig to direct two made-for-SciFi movies that were supposed to be sequels in the franchise, but were in fact insults to it. And what really gets me is that Tobe Hooper was originally attached to do these for the longest time before Elkayem got his paws on it. The results are just plain terrible; watch at your own risk!
We all go a little crazy sometimes, right? This box set from newcomer Televista celebrates that fact with three movies guaranteed to drive you stark raving mad. Or at least entertain. Featured are Insanity, about a depressed director involved in the death of an actress; Crazed, about a mama’s boy who keeps his dead girlfriend; and, of course, Estate of Insanity, which concerns a lord returning to his manor to learn that everyone thinks he’s a murderer. Fun for the whole crazy family!
Nothing better to end a DVD list with than a wacky, old school British comedy, right? Right. This one involves a family being called together in a creepy mansion for the reading of a will. Of course creepy things happen left and right, but it’s all in good fun, at least until people start dying. But hey, even death can be funny, right? Hopefully or this would be very depressing…
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