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New Diet Trumpets Success

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In an unusual departure from protocol, today we are featuring a news release about a fad diet. I found it’s information too valuable to omit from this web log. Press release follows:

New Diet Reports Mediocre Results

Wednesday, February 1, 2005 Posted: 7:41 AM EST (1241 GMT)

BIRMINGHAM, Alabama (DisAssociated Press)

Dr. Leopold Smeglin published today, in the prestigious Journal of Extreme Makeovers, amazing results of his groundbreaking “Low-Fad” Diet which included results from over 1000 failed diet patients. Dr. Smeglin was quoted as saying: “If you can convince someone that a diet can cause them to lose weight – preferably, without any effort on their part – people will try it. That’s why I am selling the “Low-Fad” Diet. And making a mint, by the way!”

Dr. Smeglin, an honors graduate from the University of Mogadishu (Somalia), went on to describe the diet. He opined: “People are convinced that a diet has to restrict them from something – anything – before it will work. The Atkins Diet says you cannot have carbohydrates; the Ornish Diet says you cannot have fat. So, we have combined Jack Spratt’s diet with his wife’s, so to speak. The twist is, with our diet, people can pick what they want to deprive themselves of. It’s easy and it makes the diet easier to follow.”

According to Dr. Smeglin, people simply eliminate from their daily meals something they generally don’t eat anyway – the less you enjoy eating it, the more effective the diet will be – and eat everything else, as much as they like. For example, if you have a dislike broccoli, just continue not eating broccoli. Everything else it allowable. If you hate raw egg yolks, then you must resolve, mentally, to continue to deprive yourself of raw egg yolks. Dr. Smeglin said that “calories, fat content and grams of carbs are not really important. What’s important is that dieter’s feel like they are giving up something – anything – in order for a diet to work.”

He went on to say another other important factor in any successful diet is to let people know that being overweight is really not their fault. “It’s important for people to hear the words, over and over, ‘it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault’ in any diet plan. They should chant it on the way to work and before they go to sleep. Overweight people, and people in general, find comfort in the feeling that their problems are out of their control. They like to believe that the negative things about their lives and, for that matter, the world as a whole, are out of their control. They need to hear that they, individually, are not responsible for negative things. It just makes people feel better.”

In his study of somewhat over 1000 patients, Dr. Smeglin said, that an impressive 2% of his patients lost an average of 2 pounds and kept the weight off, on average, almost 3 months. While admitting that weight regain occurred in virtually all patients, Dr. Smeglin said “Any diet will fail eventually, given enough time.”

When asked what the most attractive thing was about his diet, Dr. Smeglin replied: “I think the emphasis on lack of having to really make any significant changes appeals to most patients. We make sure to tell them they don’t need to exercise or any of that other silly stuff. Exercise, keeping a food diary, or showing any degree of self control are just too darned inconvenient!”

In closing, Dr. Smeglin had a message for anyone who is starting a New Year’s resolution for losing weight. He said: “Always remember, it’s not your fault. If you follow my diet, you may not lose weight but, darn it, you can always blame it on someone or something else. Just give up one thing – one thing you don’t eat anyway – and you will have done enough. You made an effort. At least, you can fool yourself into thinking you have done enough. And that’s what’s important!”

Copyright 2005 DisAssociated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

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  • linda lou

    I am looking for a post weight loss surgery record of attempted and failed diets. preferably from female’s. I need to have weight loss surgery and one of the requirements of my insurance is that i submit records which prove I hae tried to lose weight. I have tried lots of weight loss plans but i never kept written records now i am hoping there is someone out there who has. if you know of such a record please email me. your help could change my life.