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Nerds Make Better Lovers! Yes!

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Apparently, nerds make better lovers. Here.

This article doesn’t say that nerds are better in bed, it just says that nerds attract women who want to settle down. “A nerd is an excellent provider and a guy who puts you first,” says E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine’s love and sex advice columnist. “He’ll turn out to be a great father and a great husband.”

Celebrity examples are Christina Aguilera – who is engaged to “smarty-pants music executive Jordan Bratman, Adam Brody – who is dating Rachel Bilson, David Arquette – who is married to Courteney Cox (man did she get super hot during the 8th and 9th seasons of Friends), and Tiger Woods – who is married to the very hot Swedish model Elin Nordegren.

We’ve all had our fantasies about dating and marrying the women of our dreams – hot supermodels and gorgeous actresses. You know the women of my dreams in my “Top 5 On-Screen Beauties“. But maybe the woman of my reality is someone whom isn’t 5’7”, 110 lbs. and has a 46C rack. I’ve never realized that I might just be looking in the wrong places. Instead of going to the gym to look for girls, I really should be going to the library and working my mojo there.

“We’ve all been to bed with the guy who is worried about what he looks like, checking the mirror before he gets in bed,” she said. “The nerd, gloriously, stunningly, perfectly, is into the woman. That right there is very stirring, sexually.”

In all seriousness, I am a dork so this article doesn’t really apply to me. But I do take to heart that there are other things to look for in the opposite sex that isn’t aesthetic. There is personality, and gosh darnit that is what I have. I just haven’t been able to find the girl who can appreciate my goods. They should be reading this article, not me.

Either I should be finding the nerd girl for me, or I should be finding the hottie who’s into nerds. “Geeks have got the goods.”

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About Tan The Man

Tan The Man writes mostly about film and music. He has previously covered events like Noise Pop, Outside Lands Music and Arts Festival, South By Southwest, TBD Festival, Wizard World Comic Con and WonderCon.
  • Bennett

    C’mon Tan, dorks are geeks too. In fact, geeky dorks get waylaid!

    But that’s another subject…

    Good writing, amusing post!



  • Oh, so this was a real article! I’ve been reading a storyline to do with this in the Fox Trot comic, but thought it was completely made up. Now it is even more hilarious!

    Nerds rule!

  • I’ve been trying to come up with a slang word that combines “nerd”, “geek” and “dork”. I haven’t been successful. Genork?

  • Bennett


  • This is the first time I’ve heard Tiger Woods described as a “nerd”…

  • Surely you have to include an Amazon link to Revenge of the Nerds, no?

    Who can forget immortal lines such as:

    All jocks think about is sports. All nerds think about is sex.

  • I’m embarrassed that I didn’t include it.

    Tiger Woods is a nerd compared to his really hot wife.

    Gnork? <--- g is silent?

  • RJ

    I know this one really mellow, laid-back, dorky kinda guy who is married to an incredibly hot chick. She did her rounds with the druggies, and the slackers, and the “hot studs” and all the rest. But when she settled down and decided to marry and have kids, she chose the quiet type.

    Of course, this “quiet” fellow has to deal with the fact she used to be a coked-up stripper and has been around the block scads of times. But still…GO DORKS! 🙂

  • neekdo

    Man RJ you’re an effing neekdo (for example purposes only)

  • RJ

    Dude, I wasn’t talking about myself! I swear! 🙂

    I’m still single, sadly. Alone in this cruel, heartless world…

    And if any chicks in FL with enormous racks are reading this, I can be reached at…(heh…)

  • KJ

    HILARIOUS article!! And so true. I loved the Christina and Jordan Bratman example. They seem like such opposites yet also seem totally in love. Being a “chick” I find this topic fascinating. Let me just say, I’ve been with “aesthetic” guys, and then nerdy guys. The nerds always treated me best. GO nerds, keep being yourselves, and you will land a “hottie” 🙂 Just don’t be afraid to ask them out.

  • Ha Barbosa


  • JewsVeil

    A 46C rack would be nasty, like a fat girl with floppies.

    The best bra size ever is 34DD.

  • Josh

    Definitely! I remember when I was 14, I knew everything there was to know about sex. ( From the internet of course. ) For a while I thought I was just a pervert, when I finally lost my virginity a year later, she remarked how fantastic it was. I kind of knew by then teens didn’t get any pleasure from sex, except the guy, since they don’t know or care how to pleasure a woman. Anyways, the key thing you want to focus on, my fellow nerds, is her pleasure. When you do this, they’ll come back for more, and then she can focus on you 😉 also: Once you turn 18, the politically correct term for Nerd is “Successful and functioning member of society.”