One of the best ways to find out what men like and dislike about women is to hear it from men themselves. That’s why I often frequent the site, AskMen. A section called “Dating & Sex” contains articles and advice about dealing with women – for men and by men. Getting the inside scoop on “man-talk” is extremely useful for a woman. I think of this as keeping current on what’s in on Men Street.
Recently, I came across an advice article on The Psychology of Needy Women. The man who wrote it talked about the different “attachment styles” that different women had. Translation: the varying degrees to which different women are needy.
I’d always known needy women appeared unattractive and weak to men, and have written a few times on how not to appear needy in a relationship. However, I’d never quite imagined the extent to which men were petrified of needy women. Let’s just say that, after having read the article, I now understand that getting into a relationship with a needy woman is a man’s worst nightmare.
Do you feel like there might be worse nightmares than that? So do I, but not most men, apparently. The article states, “knowing your woman’s attachment style can… help you determine whether or not she’s worth dating.”
Worth dating? Apparently, this is what men evaluate when they first start dating a woman.
When a woman first starts dating a man, she analyzes him very simply: Is he attractive enough? Does he dress well? Is he employed? What are his hobbies and interests? Will he call again?
The men, apparently, analyze women on a much deeper level: What are her psychological issues? What is her relationship with her parents? What are her past relationship experiences? How needy is she?
And there you were, worrying about your hair!
My advice is to first figure out your attachment style. How much attention do you need? How afraid are you of losing your man? Do you require constant reassurance due to low self-esteem?
Once you understand your attachment style and your needs that flow from it, the best thing to do is to find a man with similar needs – someone with a similar attachment style to yours who will not perceive you as needy. The problem with that approach, however, is that it’s not so easy to figure out someone’s attachment style at the very beginning of a relationship. Men are much better at hiding their neediness than women.
The only way to deal with this that I see is for a woman to make a conscious effort not to appear needy, especially during the first few dates. Think about what you can do differently to increase your appeal and convince your man you are anything but needy.
In the beginning of a relationship, it is all about making the right impression, and you need to give him the impression you don’t care if there is another date. Let the man decide how much he needs you before you reveal how much you need him. Later, when a man determines he can’t live without you and leaves you in no doubt about how much he needs you, it will be okay to show him the needier side of you.
If the relationship turns into a committed relationship, and you still have doubts about how much he needs you, well, you might have different attachment styles. The ultimate goal is to find a man who doesn’t leave you wondering. If you find you are wondering for too long, then it’s time to go back on the market. You obviously have some more picking to do!