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Nazis in Toledo II: Electric Boogaloo

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Oh boy, the National Socialist party is returning to Toledo!

OK, I’m not that thrilled about hate speech coming to town. Santa Claus, on the other hand … wouldn’t incite riots.

Because the last time the Nazis made a public appearance in the Glass City, well let’s just say we made national headlines.

It’s bad enough we’re a shrinking metropolis. Our incumbent Democratic mayor was lost in the November election to a former Democratic ex-mayor by 24 points. Native Toledoans show up on TV as cross-dressers and, scarier still, want to marry Tom Cruise. One of us stole millions of the dollars from the state. And we have a Catholic elementary school across the street from a Hooters.

[ADBLOCKHERE]OK, so we’re a weird, quirky town for a Midwest haven. Not only do I accept it, but I thrive in it and embrace the city.

But the public violence in October is far from weird. It’s far from quirky. It’s sad. It’s extremely saddening to know that my people resort to throwing rocks through an ambulance windshield and razing a convenience store simply because they are offended by that Nazis came to town to stage a hate-filled rally. They got their wish — the rally never occurred — but as a result they turned a Toledo neighborhood into chaos and thrust our weird little city into national headlines where they don’t belong.

But it seems that on hot-button issues like race and politics, America believes it should take its own rectal temperature on such issues by jamming a thermometer into us. We may be at the geographic midpoint of Detroit, Cleveland, Cincinnati and Chicago, but we were in the crosshairs of the 2004 election when our city aired more political ads than any other market.

That’s not the Toledo I love.

The Toledo I love crashes buses into Caesar’s, a drag queen show bar. Fortunately I wasn’t hurt, I was in the bathroom at the time.

The Toledo I love embraces strip clubs in all its white-trashily goodness. A sign in front of one particular strip club announces it as the “Home Of 40 Beautiful Dancers And One Ugly One.” (Actual wording is from fuzzy memory. Too much time spent at Caesar’s.) Our radio commercials parade strip club contests, where girls can win cash prizes if they have the biggest nipples or the hairiest crotches.

The Toledo I love airs commercials for Sonic Burger, despite the fact that there’s not a god damn Sonic within hours of here (a three-and-a-half hour drive according to Google Maps).

That’s the Toledo I love. Not one that gets its britches in a bunch over racists.

So now that the National Socialist Party successfully caused so much commotion the last time they were here, the Nazis are making a comeback in Toledo this Saturday.

Why, you ask?

When Grand Funk exits, people put up their lighters until they return and play “We’re an American Band.” (Lenawee, Mich. County Fair, 2003. They still got it.)

When the Nazis saw us burn our own bar to the ground, that was their sign for an encore.

Unless they bring Robert Plant and play “Stairway to Heaven,” the Nazis can march into Toledo and keep on marching right into Lake Erie.

Ain’t no hatin’ gonna stop me from enjoying Christian love and fake boobs on the same block.

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About Suss

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/cmpwrite/ Connie Phillips

    Matt,

    What an interesting take on “our fine city” (OK, I’m out in the burbs, but close)

    I’ll be watching the news in hopes the city stays home, ignores the Nazis, and doesn’t (yet again) ask for that encore.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Or maybe interracial couples can make out in front of their faces.

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/cmpwrite/ Connie Phillips

    That’s an option too.

    All I meant was that I hoped elevated emotions wouldn’t raise to the violence and destruction that happened last time.

  • tommyd

    I don’t see any of you Ohio residents protesting the high rate of crimes committed by rampaging blacks upon whites in Toledo, which is in fact what initiated the White groups to take their protests to the streets. I don’t see all you brave Ohio residents writing blogs on the rise in black on white crime rates, just the same ‘ol, same ‘ol about “evil nazi” pro-White groups doing a little protesting. Sad.

    Also, the White protest groups are not the ones who started or involved themselves in the first riot in Toledo, it was rampaging blacks, doing what they do best, and burning their own neighborhoods because they were pissed off at the mayor for letting Whites exercise their First Amendment Rights.

    As far as I know, freedom of speech still exists in this country. More power to the people who exercise that right, no matter what their message is.

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    The Nazis have a Constitutional right to speak in any city in the US they want to. That’s a fact.

    And if the residents of Toledo are smart, they will completely ignore the Nazis when they come to town.

    So, no riots this time, okay guys? :-/

  • Alethinos

    Nazis suck. M*A*S*H rocks!

    Alethinos

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    I know “shut up Nazis” is an easy argument to make, but we’re talking about Toledo here.

    I also failed to mention a lady ran for mayor in Toledo whose platform was that she was God’s chosen one to build an amusement park. Dead serious. And how glorious it was to watch the live debate on TV.

    We can’t have hate speech and riots in a city whose idiocies are in perfect harmony.

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Saw some FoxNews video earlier today where a neo-Nazi spokeswoman was nailed in the face with a snowball while three menancing-looking young men glared at her and rhytmically chanted about 10 feet away…

    Other than that, though, I haven’t heard of any violence…

    Anyone have an update?

  • Anthony Grande

    The radicals and gang members made fools out of blacks in Toledo the last time the Nazis came to town and that is the reason why the Nazis are coming back. They are hoping that they can make the black population look like the bad ones, again.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    There were some arrests, but no violence.

    Sorry, FOX News. No soup for you.

  • Sad

    America, please get your act together. This I can promise. The neo-nazi, the jew, the black and people of all color will join together. This will happen within this decade. America will wake up.

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