The following is my recent conversations with Osama at his remote cave dwelling somewhere in hell. Pay attention because he finally tells us what we need to do to stop terrorism. Don’t let the pundits spin it because there is no doubt about the reasons. I address his mental capacity, his goals, whether he believes he has been successful so far and whether he has showered lately. Enjoy because it was an extremely painful trip and interview process for reasons you’ll soon understand.
These are his own words…
Yensid: Osama, how have you been?
Osama: All Praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: Osama, you didn’t answer the question. Seriously, how is your heath? How is your life?
Osama: Your security is in your own hands infidels! And every state that doesn’t play with our security has automatically guaranteed its own security!
Yensid: Nothing like getting right to the point.
Osama: All Praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: Ok… well, let’s get down to business man… it’s been a long trip.
Osama: All Praise…
Yensid: Ok! Ok! Let me just ask you a question. Are you a crazed, insane maniac? Do you continue to wage war on the United States and it’s allies because you simply enjoy the bloody image of Americans slaughtered in the streets? What is the purpose and reason for your terrorist acts?
Osama: No, we are not crazy as you suggest. We fight because we are free men who don’t sleep under oppression. We want to restore freedom to our nation, just as you lay waste to our nations. So shall we lay waste to yours.
Yensid: Do you hate freedom sir?
Osama: No, we ourselves are free men and we love freedom. If you believe we hate freedom, then let him explain to us why we don’t strike for example – Sweden? And we know that freedom-haters don’t possess defiant spirits like those of the 19 – may Allah have mercy on them. No one except a dumb thief plays with the security of others and then makes himself believe he will be secure. Whereas thinking people, when disaster strikes, make it their priority to look for its causes, in order to prevent it happening again.
Yensid: So you believe that we are not addressing the true cause of 9/11?
Osama: Most definitely.
Yensid: Do you believe that the U.S. has made any effort to address the real cause of 9/11 as you see it?
Osama: I am amazed at you. Even though we are in the fourth year after the events of September 11th, Bush is still engaged in distortion, deception and hiding from you the real causes. And thus, the reasons are still there for a repeat of what occurred.
Yensid: So what do you believe (in your expert opinion) is the reason for the continued terrorist insurgency around the world and in Iraq.
Osama: So I shall talk to you about the story behind those events and shall tell you truthfully about the moments in which the decision was taken, for you to consider.
I say to you, Allah knows that it had never occurred to us to strike the towers. But after it became unbearable and we witnessed the oppression and tyranny of the American/Israeli coalition against our people in Palestine and Lebanon, it came to my mind.
The events that affected my soul in a direct way started in 1982 when America permitted the Israelis to invade Lebanon and the American Sixth Fleet helped them in that. This bombardment began and many were killed and injured and others were terrorized and displaced.
I couldn’t forget those moving scenes, blood and severed limbs, women and children sprawled everywhere. Houses destroyed along with their occupants and high rises demolished over their residents, rockets raining down on our home without mercy.
The situation was like a crocodile meeting a helpless child, powerless except for his screams. Does the crocodile understand a conversation that doesn’t include a weapon? And the whole world saw and heard but it didn’t respond.
In those difficult moments many hard-to-describe ideas bubbled in my soul, but in the end they produced an intense feeling of rejection of tyranny, and gave birth to a strong resolve to punish the oppressors.
And as I looked at those demolished towers in Lebanon, it entered my mind that we should punish the oppressor in kind and that we should destroy towers in America in order that they taste some of what we tasted and so that they be deterred from killing our women and children.
So with these images and their like as their background, the events of September 11th came as a reply to those great wrongs, should a man be blamed for defending his sanctuary?
Yensid: So, you truly just believe that you are repaying what we did to you. Don’t you think that is a little harsh? Why not warn the American people before doing something so drastic? Why attack the American people and not the leaders?
Osama: This is the message which I sought to communicate to you in word and deed, repeatedly, for years before September 11th.
And you can read this, if you wish, in my interview with Scott in Time Magazine in 1996, or with Peter Arnett on CNN in 1997, or my meeting with John Weiner in 1998.
You can observe it practically, if you wish, in Kenya and Tanzania and in Aden. And you can read it in my interview with Abdul Bari Atwan, as well as my interviews with Robert Fisk.
Yensid: Do you find it hard to get your message through to our government and leaders? Osama: Yes. This is due to many factors, chief among them, that we have found it difficult to deal with the Bush administration in light of the resemblance it bears to the regimes in our countries, half of which are ruled by the military and the other half which are ruled by the sons of kings and presidents.
Yensid Do you find Bush and the American government easy to manipulate?
Oh yes. All that we have mentioned has made it easy for us to provoke and bait this administration. All that we have to do is to send two mujahidin to the furthest point east to raise a piece of cloth on which is written al-Qaida, in order to make the generals race there to cause America to suffer human, economic, and political losses without their achieving for it anything of note other than some benefits for their private companies.
Yensid: So, what is your ultimate goal. How will you feel victorious over the U.S.? Osama: We are continuing our current policy in bleeding America to the point of bankruptcy. Allah willing, and nothing is too great for Allah.
Yensid: Anything else?
Osama: That being said, those who say that al-Qaida has won against the administration in the White House or that the administration has lost in this war have not been precise, because when one scrutinizes the results, one cannot say that al-Qaida is the sole factor in achieving those spectacular gains.
Rather, the policy of the White House that demands the opening of war fronts to keep busy their various corporations – whether they be working in the field of arms or oil or reconstruction – has helped al-Qaida to achieve these enormous results.
And so it has appeared to some analysts and diplomats that the White House and us are playing as one team towards the economic goals of the United States, even if the intentions differ.
Yensid: Do you feel that your cost is worth your recent successes? Osama: And it was to these sorts of notions and their like that the British diplomat and others were referring in their lectures at the Royal Institute of International Affairs. [When they pointed out that] for example, al-Qaida spent $500,000 on the event, while America, in the incident and its aftermath, lost – according to the lowest estimate – more than $500 billion.
Meaning that every dollar of al-Qaida defeated a million dollars by the permission of Allah, besides the loss of a huge number of jobs.
As for the size of the economic deficit, it has reached record astronomical numbers estimated to total more than a trillion dollars.
And even more dangerous and bitter for America is that the mujahidin recently forced Bush to resort to emergency funds to continue the fight in Afghanistan and Iraq, which is evidence of the success of the bleed-until-bankruptcy plan – with Allah’s permission.
It is true that this shows that al-Qaida has gained, but on the other hand, it shows that the Bush administration has also gained, something of which anyone who looks at the size of the contracts acquired by the shady Bush administration-linked mega-corporations, like Halliburton and its kind, will be convinced. And it all shows that the real loser is … you.
Yensid: Did you just call me a loser you crippled cave dweller?
Osama: Yes. All Praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: Errr… you evil…. ok, OK, next question sir. Have you ever read the book “My pet goat”?
Osama: No, but I do own several goats and use them frequently.
Yensid: Let’s not go there. Anything else?
Osama: Let me say one more time. All Praise is due to Allah. I do appreciate the book because it brought us great rewards. Because it seemed to him (Bush) that occupying himself by talking to the little girl about the goat on 9/11 and its butting was more important than occupying himself with the planes and their butting of the skyscrapers, we were given three times the period required to execute the operations – all praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: I really wish you would stop saying that. We get it.
Yensid: Can we wrap this up? I assume you haven’t taken a shower is a few years and I am about done with this stench. Please give us your final words so we can close this show down.
Osama: As has been said: “An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.”
And know that: “It is better to return to the truth than persist in error.” And that the wise man doesn’t squander his security, wealth and children for the sake of the liar in the White House.
In conclusion, I tell you in truth, that your security is not in the hands of Kerry, nor Bush, nor al-Qaida. No.
Your security is in your own hands. And every state that doesn’t play with our security has automatically guaranteed its own security.
And Allah is our Guardian and Helper, while you have no Guardian or Helper. All peace be upon he who follows the Guidance.
Yes. All Praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: Grrr… we are OUTTA here! Get me my oxcart because I can’t take this guy anymore.