Oh, sure, I enjoy a good baby swiss. I also like a little parmesan on my pasta. But they cannot compare to my favorite cheese: Smegma!
Smegma, for the ignorant, is penis cheese. And, though it pains me much to disappoint fans of Feta and Really Fucking Expensive Swedish Moose Cheese, smegma is much more valuable.
According to this site:
“Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma. Thomas J. Ritter, MD [co-author of Say No to Circumcision] underscored its importance when he commented, ‘The animal kingdom would probably cease to exist without smegma.'” (“Where Is My Foreskin? The Case Against Circumcision,” by Paul M. Fleiss, MD, Mothering, Winter 1997)
And then from this site:
Is Smegma useful? Yes, certainly. It lubricates the cavity between the foreskin of the penis and the glans, thus allowing smooth movement between them during intercourse.
Behold! The power of cheese…Powered by Sidelines