Note - The following was written according to rules dictated by The Duke, that each word had to scar the screen in accordance with the beat of "Fuck Forever" by Babyshambles, being the best song with "Fuck" in the title since "Nazi Punks Fuck Off".
Sweet Johnny Cash and the whores of Slough, I dare say a man needs to take a moment for to breathe, yes, grab hold a fistful a the all-around and drag the bastard right down to the nuts of the lungs, let those chemical bubbles pop gainst the guts till maybe the color comes back to the skull, till maybe the eyes can focus afresh. Maybe the ringing in the ears stops for a time, yes, and when that clanging mania subsides, a voice cutting through the mire, the voice of a cherub done sneaked into God's own crack-stash, ends up busking for the price of a Regal King Size on a bench beside the river, hoarse and defiant and reveling in glistening grot.
That cherub, that Doherty lad, got the kinda hat on the bonce could drive a heterofilthual to the kindsa thoughts Warhol'd surely cum himself in two to grab a hold of.
What's he singing? What's that all about, anyhow?
"Fuck forever, if you don't mind."
What the hell's this mean? What the hell's all this noise in aid of anyhow? All those folks coughing soup cross the tabloids. So this is what this fucker does, is it, this fella with the crack and the Kate Moss on the arm, this slack-eye skeletal phantom careering back and fourth from the Entertainment Section to the Front Page and back again, three times a week, I'd wager, this is what he does, it all comes to light eventually, well fuck my balls, it hasn't even got a tune!
Daman Albarn wittering away in some garden shed with a scrotum-fulla ideas regarding that cartoon group a his, he's a big name is Albarn, was in that band that time, had that song about "woo hoo". The one from the trailers, except now it's sat outside the DHSS cursing that fucker out Coldplay, the one getting all the big pictures nowadays.
Albarn waxing on and off; "Make Doherty History", he said. "Not worth the hype", he said.
And the rest of us, we chortle at that new Gorillaz single, the one that has Shaun Ryder. There's an irony someplace in there but ain't nobody got a second to worry about it, since we're all flinging the skulls rhythmically to the left every time those flick-knife chords pierce the soundways.
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Article comments
1 - rach
also, may I had that this song is expected to get into the top 5
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
rach, it went to number four!! brilliant!!!!!
3 - Bennett
"stinging like a fresh fag-burn on the tip a the sex"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
but seriously Duke, I've never experienced that.
too fucking funny. Great review. I'm buyin' it.
4 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
glad you dug it Bennett! with regards the fag-burn on the sex-limb, its somethin i'd rather not get into...
5 - person
you guys are idiots... taking someone's lyrics that obviously weren't written he was in a condition/state quite different to ours at the moment, and just analyzing them completely literally. you've got to be kidding me. you guys don't have a clue, maybe you should take those textbooks out of your arses and think of something smart to say instead.
6 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Person, much appreciated, but i dunno where you got this analyzing idea from. this wasn't a review or anything of the sort, it was about tryin to grab hold a the emotion stirred by the piece in question. i didn't say a damn thing about the lyrics, i said "what does it mean? who knows?" etc, as in, for the purposes of jiving along at the time, it didn't matter to me. an i gotta say, textbooks up the arse make for fun times, given the right subject (i was blind for two weeks followin a stint wi a economics number)
7 - Paul Harris
"The Duke", you are a grade A idiot... before you write a huge essay to slag off a song and arist you know nothing about, at least get the lyrics right before you quote them. For example, your closing quote... WRONG!
He says:
"Oh, I'm so clever, but clever ain't wise".
Purgatory and happy families eh? That's very interesting since he says
"Pregatory and oh, happy families"
You loser! I suppose your idea of a good song is the friggin' cheeky girls is it? Next time, write about something you know!
Paul Harris
8 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Paul, i'm not sure how to appraoch that cause i can only assume it's a joke. because to assume i was slagging anything off here, the person reading would have to be fuckin blind.
Seriously, are you mad?? HOW and WHERE did i slag this off? the fuckin title alone implies that it makes me cum! god in heaven, man, what kinda voodoo you been on?
thank you
9 - Bennett
Yo, Paul Harris - Hey man, watch out for yourself. That kind of unwarrented hostility and anger tends to cause all sortsa health problems.
Question is, did you find the piece funny, or not?
As entertainment, I dug it. For something to get torqued off over, there are lots of posts in the poliics collumn more worthy of your mindless rage.
Cheers!
10 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Bennett, what baffles me is how Paul got the impression i don't adore the song with every fuckin ounce of my being?? seriously, the only thing i can think of is the bit that says;
"Can you believe I didn't like it the first few times I heard it? Can you possibly for a second understand that The Duke chanced upon Zane Lowe preaching Gabba & Punk out the speakers one evening, just in time for the premier of the new single from Babyshambles, "gonna be huge!" Zane assured me, who was I to argue? "
that's the only thing here that's anything less than soaked in ecstasy at the thought of the track in question. Paul gets kudos for obviously bein a Believer, an all power man, but seriously, i think you need to re-read what's goin on here.
maybe i'll change it to "I Fucking ADORE Babyshambles, Case There's Any Confusion"
11 - name wha?
what's wrong with 'oh yoko' anyway?