• Hey, lead singer in Green Day: that guy in "The Cure" called and he wants his eye makeup back.
• Hey, Maroon 5, about 100 bands from the mid-1980s called, and they want EVERYTHING back.
• The highlight of the (truncated) evening — and an explicit demo of my dinosaurness AND my post-post modern theory: a has-been rock band from the 60s/70s played with more soul than all the young poseurs on the bill put together; and they showed that 30 years later, a few great songs/performances have become part of (at least a few) generations collective consciousness to the point that one not only was almost moved to tears at the sound of the first eight notes of "Sweet Home Alabama" — but one knew instinctively to "turn it up" because great songs and performances tend to become hard-wired into one's soul.
That is if one has a soul.
• For all the goofy, "I'm trying hard to be creative" costumes — the only one that had any style, originality, and will be remembered years hence without specifically dating the wearer: Dickie Betts' classic old hippie/indian lore blue jeans and cowboy boots. In just a few years, everybody else who appeared on the 2005 Grammys is going to look like they raided the costume department from the 1960s TV "StarTrek".
• U2 is the most boring, overrated, blowhard band in rock history.
• Bono's 'cowboy' hat was the kind German tourists buy at Wal-Mart when they visit Texas.
==============
I'm sure there are more, but I tuned out after an hour or so.
And right now, I'm listening to a 75 year old recording of Jelly Roll Morton in order to cleanse out my eardrums, readjust my brain, and wash the manufactured cultural shit from my tarnished soul.
Then I'm headin' for the tower — and taking along an IPOD filled with REAL music — from real musicians who play real instruments, and real singers who sing real songs.
Love ya, America, mean it!
xxoo
SHARK
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Eric Olsen
Shark, I agree with a few things: there isn't much new under the musical sun, the "tribute to Southern rock" was surprisingly moving, Jennifer Lopez was way out of her league, and I don't know what the hell Gwen Stefani was supposed to be.
But I thought Queen Latifah really held her own and disagree with the overall characterization of the show. I thought the opening performance was highly entertaining, and the emphasis on performance rather than just doling out awards made the whole show go much more quickly and accomplished what the real underlying goal of the show should be from an industry standpoint: expose new music, considered the "best" of the year by the industry, to a much broader and generally older audience.
2 - SFC SKI
Great article, Shark, you're a better man than I.
3 - Temple Stark
From the next room where I was watching the Suns eke out a win over the we've-won-14-games Golden State Warriors, it seemed OK. And when I flicked over to see if they were saying anythng about Motorhead (though I fully expected it to be only a scrawl along the "Earlier awarded" zone of the screen, it didn't seem tooo bad.
You didn't mention Alicia Keys or Ray Charles. Both great talents. Both got too many awards this year.
The fact that it was 90 percent dance and a little pop and Southern Rock (Green Day is pop, not rock) says where music is at today.
I would have liked to see a greater diversity of music - otherwise it's just, how does one say it - it's all marketing.
But your's is not to be taken literally all the way down the line - we know that (right folks?)
Sweet Home Alabama? If I hear it once every six months - that's about right. I did hear that where Matthew McCoughney (spXXX) started talking about beign a Texas boy and about halfway through remembered he should be usign an accent. As the first few notes of that song began - I switched over because that's the bst part.
4 - Katharine Donelson
Ha! Excellent article. I got home, realized my roommate was watching the Grammys and retired to my room with my headphones and some Miles Davis.
I think the answer to the question, "What is Gwen Stefani supposed to be?" is, "Shortly returning to her band after an ill-advised solo effort." But, it could just be my answer to that question.
5 - Eric Olsen
I think Green Day live always makes a pretty convincing case for being a great rock 'n' roll band
6 - wally bangs
Preach it Shark! I agree with rappers Public Enemy - "who gives a %$*# about a Grammy". Loretta Lynn was the highlight for me.
7 - Mark Saleski
gees, shark channeling al barger.
who woulda thunk it?
8 - JR
From what I've heard of No Doubt, I think Gwen Stefani stole Geddy Lee's voice.
The Grammys were last night? I was listening to a bhangra compilation and a Nine Inch Nails album (which wasn't all that great).
9 - Dave Nalle
If you managed to hold out through a good part of the show - or just fastforwarded through the crap like I did on my DVR, you eventually got to hear an amazing Janis Joplin tribute with Melissa Etheridge and Alicia Keyes.
Oh, and Jelly was molesting children way before Michael Jackson and now he's immortal.
dave
10 - Eric Olsen
it was young, tall, barefoot hippie Joss Stone with Melissa
11 - jason
I really didn't see much "urban" music throught the entire show!
Unless Kayne West and his inappropriate-for-the-occasion pro-Jesus song counts.
12 - Eric Olsen
urban performances: Black Eyed Peas, Stefani/Eve, Alicia Keys, Kanye West (why "inappropriate"? you can't have gospel in a music show? why not gospel/rap?); and that doesn't include the soul of James Brown and the Ray Charles tribute
13 - Shark
re: Stefani/Eve's disco song --
"...If I were a rich... girl..." --??
Oy.
Fuckin'.
Vey.
...and haven't the Jews been fucked over enough already?
14 - Natalie Davis
My thought exactly.
Of course it's all about marketing: It's the Grammys! What, you think it's about art??? Uh, no, never.
Much respect to Ray Charles -- and I like Genius Loves Company immensely -- but come on! My 8-year-old said upon hearing about the awards this morning, "They should have given him awards when he was alive." Indeed.
Spousal Unit is amused about Motorhead's win, though, particularly because he knows Lemmy, SU's hero, will be pissed about it. Think of all the true artists who have yet to be acknowledged by Grammy. Then consider: Britney Spears has one. Shudder.
On the whole, I'm with Lemmy when it comes to the Grammys. (Must admit: I did enjoy the opening segment -- how apropos: "we're getting stupid, getting started"} and Dana Owens, IMO, was much better than Shark believes.)
15 - Vern Halen
I don't even watch this trash anymore. You've put in words what I've felt for years. Thanks, mon.
16 - HW Saxton
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only
one who finds U2 to be one of the most
banal"Rock" bands ever.And that's saying
a mouthful these days.
17 - Angela
Shark, I totally agree!
That was by far the worst Grammy performances I have ever seen (HEARD). I am obliviated that no professional critics have written or spoke in reguards to how tone deaf they all seemed to be. Off key and flat was all I could hear. I'm so glad to hear that it wasn't just me hearing things. The only performance I was impressed with was Alesha Keys and a shockingly pleasant sounding Jamie Fox. Jennifer Lopez sounded like a drunken amature Karaoke bar performer. She needs to stick to acting, because without a high tech mixing board to alter that voice, she is awful! I doubt if I'll tune in next year. Talent criteria has gone to hell.
18 - Tony
I would much prefer to swallow razor blades in leiu of having to to listen to J-Lo bellowing that song again. It would be much less painful.
19 - Eric Olsen
yes, J-Lo blows grits, we all know that, but I am SO far ahead of the curve expressed here (as usual): I totally blew off awards shows in the goddamned EIGHTIES. I have subsequently returned for the educational value and stayed for the entertainment value. I thought, for the most part, it was a really great show. J-Lo was as flat as her chest, "Across the Universe" was ragged, unfocused and uninspiring, but I enjoyed just about eveything else musically, and certainly the spectacle was amusing and entertaining. It's all how you look at it.
20 - Mark Saleski
i just read a review of the show over at salon.com.
he thought that "Across The Universe" was fantastic.
of course, in the middle of bitching about the southern rock thing, he also admitted that he'd never heard of Dickie Betts.
21 - Eric Olsen
yes Dickie is certainly obscure: Salon - always at the heart of the zeitgeist
22 - visualsimplicity
Yes, J.Lo was aweful. However, I think the major problem was that she decided to do a duet with Marc Anthony, who completely outclassed her during the performance. They don't call him the Latin Voice (the Frank Sinatra of Latin America) for nothing. The glaring flatness of her singing was accentuated by comparison. If it was her alone, it might have been some what less noticable I think.
By the way, I too enjoyed the performances. Mainly the opening act (which was messy, but entertaining) and the Melissa Etheridge and Joss Stone tribute to Janis Joplin (which can only be described as "It rocked!").
23 - mike g
The grammy's are as in touch with what's going on musically as my grammy is.
Next time save yourself the time and watch the Brit Awards
24 - Natalie Davis
Spot on, Eric. The charge that the Grammys are out of touch predates the baby-boom generation. Yes, they're out of touch; the Grammys have been out of touch for a long, long time. That is *nothing* new. The only thing missing were awards for Paul Simon and Stevie Wonder. I watch 'em just for the hell of it. (Who will get the metal award this year? Did Tull release anything?)
Yeah, there were groan moments to be sure, but the show had its great moments too: Melissa Etheridge, Alicia Keys and Jamie Foxx, Franz Ferdinand, Green Day, the Southern Rock geezers (the Salon guy never heard of Dickie Betts???? sheesh), Loretta and Jack ("yes, ma'am"). With the Grammys, you take what you get and attribute no meaning to any of it.
25 - Shark
More loose, random, semi-lucid thoughts motivated by great comments, bad drugs, and neutral insomnia:
re: Grammys being 'out of touch' -- I know, I know, but I watch it to keep in touch. I want to know what I'm missing. I want to be able to converse with the culturally retarded. I want to see how many "award givers" who have 'hot' movies about to be released can be crammed into three hours. And most of all -- I want to be reminded of how lucky I am to be going blind and deaf.
re: Melissa Etheridge: she's now a "hero". Yep, another hero. Too bad she wasn't accompanied by a cop, a fireman, and a soldier. Man, whatta show that would have been!
re: Alicia Keys: great voice, boring, boring, boring.
re: Nora Jones: ditto, ditto, ditto
...speaking of which...
re: Ray Charles "duet" album - man, I hate those things. They rarely work. One great voice is enough. Two trading off verses sorta makes 'em both sound like shit.
re: Jamie Foxx: mmm... whatever.
re: Green Day: rock song 'political' statements aren't well-served when delivered in bad eye makeup.
re: The Southern Rock geezers: there will never be another 60s - 70s.
re: Loretta and Jack - for all the hoopla stirred up because some young kid paid homage to an old has-been country crooner, the new album isn't much different than about 30 albums she made years ago. Oh, wait, no orchestra?
But hey, White has not only resurrected a grandmother's dead career, but he's made "Yes maam" all the rage! Wow! Decent manners are cool. Respecting your elders is IN! "Yes maam" -- an anachronism is suddenly popular...
America.
You.
Are.
Fucked.