When the Ballad of 2010 is written, March 26 is not going to be highly thought of. Anguish, fear, dread, anger, confusion, and disbelief are only a few of the emotions that swirled inside each member of my family as we watched my 5-year old niece, Katie, struggle to regain consciousness.
The next seven days were a roller coaster of optimism and resignation as we watched her condition improve and stall out. I believed each day would be the day she would wake up and start ordering us around as if nothing had happened. Some days it seemed so close we could touch it. Some days the doctors seemed encouraged and encouraging. Other days were profoundly discouraging and frustrating. The worst days were ones that mixed both, and there were too many of those. In situations of greater and lesser stress and severity, I've watched people try to achieve numbness to insulate themselves from the pain. For me, numb was highly overrated. I didn't do anything to achieve it artificially so maybe I was doing it wrong, but days of feeling hope rise and plummet isolated me in a very gray place.
I was becoming despondent. I couldn't go to the place where I abandoned all hope but the doubts and fears that were once being whispered from deep inside me were becoming screams. I could no longer ignore some dark possibilities and I felt lost. It was in the dark moment that things got worse. I got a call telling me my brother-in-law was being rushed to the ER at the same hospital, complaining of chest pains. He has a rather long history of cardiac issues and all of us have had to wrestle with its ominous significance.
I was seething and finally on the verge of becoming completely irrational. I didn't have a full melt down but I did get a little unhinged. I didn't start throwing or breaking things and I didn't have a crisis of faith wherein I started cursing at God in Latin but I was pretty pissed and in no small part because there was no one to be pissed at. I huffed and I puffed but the house stood still. My failure complete, I trudged down to the hospital, trying to figure out who to visit first.
Article comments
1 - Connie Phillips
Josh - I am so happy to hear your niece is well on the road to recovery. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
2 - Josh Hathaway
Thank you, Connie, and thanks for the expressions of support over the past several days. It's been grueling and exhausting but it has become quite uplifting these last two days. I wouldn't want to go through it all again but having experienced it, I do feel different.
3 - Jordan Richardson
Awesome news, man. And terrific song choice as well.
4 - Josh Hathaway
Thanks, Jordan, on both counts. We're feeling truly and profoundly blessed.
I love PJ's acoustic performance of this at Benaroya. Really cool version.
5 - Dawn
Oh Josh, I am so sorry I am just now reading this and so late to offer my prayers to sweet little Katie. I remember you talking about your rambunctious little niece and how much fun you had with your sisters kids.
I am so so so glad she's feeling better, I will add my chorus of prayers to many who are watching over her as she recovers.
Love you Josh. You know my digits if you need me.
6 - Love Handle Exercises
Hey Josh - It's amazing how surfing sometimes really gets you be surprise.
Your story was really sad and scary and in the end just wonderful.
I lost a dear friend when she was just 5 years old to cancer after her 3 year battle with the disease. No parent should outlive their kids and I was so happy to bump into your story tonight - it reminded me of my little friend, who died 11 months ago and while her courageous fight ultimately ended very differently, she too was a miracle and her memory will live on in her family and friends.
Thanks again for your story and for the reminder I needed tonight.
7 - Josh Hathaway
Thanks, Dawn (and everybody else!). Katie continues to make amazing progress. She has her first day of rehabilitation in Birmingham today and the doctors are confident she will make even greater strides during this time and should be home with us again soon.