I write the songs that make the whole world cringe . . .
I'll make this as quick and painless as I can, but I assure you that there will still be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. These are my top ten lyric-deficient pop or rock songs from the 1970s. I'm not so much concerned with a song's full lyrics, as I am with certain ungrammatical, syntax-sapped, or just plain stupid lines, snippets, or words that drive me crazy — always have, always will. Some of these songs are musically good songs, but not always. Some of them are otherwise lyrically fine, but not always. Since I wanted to make this as cohesive as possible, I decided to concentrate on the 70s for this first-in-a-series list, with possible future plans to go on to the 80s and 90s. Because, let's face it, there's no shortage of cringe-worthy songs, in whole or in part.…
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26 - Billy
One bad line in I Am I Said.I read that Neil was seeing a shrink at the time,and she told him to talk things out to the chair (it was the early 70's).So to Neil Diamond,that line makes pefect sence.
I dont think "Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king/and he became one/if you talk about me/the story is the same one" is a bad line.I dont think "I'm New York City born and raised but I'm lost between two shores" is a bad line.This song is really the first rock star whining about being a celebrity.
27 - GoHah
Eric Berlin#25: When I looked up the GNR version of "Live" it also denoted "Live in." On Neil Diamond: I'm intrigued aby his new album which is supposed to be a throwback to his earler style--some great songs there, and one of my favorite lines (from "Brother Love's Traveling...":
And when you could just bet
You could hear yourself sweat...
Billy#26: Yeah, "the Chair" is really the only thing that bugged me, but now that you have explained the origins, it's more plausible and kind of funny, too. Thanks!
28 - JR
GoHah: When I looked up the GNR version of "Live" it also denoted "Live in."
So Axl Rose is illiterate. How is that Paul McCartney's fault?
29 - GoHah
JR#28: Paul is dead. This current imposter is illiterate, and taught Axl everything he doesn't know.
30 - dyrkness
Great article.I can't wait for the 80's edition.May I get you started with these Metallica lines?:
"Not dead which eternal lie
Stranger eons death may die"
...please discuss and decipher among yourselves.
31 - uao
Great topic, GoHah, and no quibbles with your list.
I like the Dan Hill pick; that one is sap and you give a great description. Chris Cross is another; maybe it's unfair to include singer/songwriters; like shooting fish in a barrel.
This is an excellently written piece; looking forward to the series.
Some random thoughts on the topic:
#14 Tim Hall points out that nobody ever bought a Yes album for lyrics, and he's right. Same with ELP. Often, the same was true with AM radio. Still, the lyrics exist; it's almost a different comparison though because a singer/songwriter's lyrics are supposed to be the meat of the record; people don't buy singer/songwriter albums to hear the instruments.
On YES/ELP lyrics:
A band like Yes or ELP could let their instruments do the real talking, but still the lyrics had function: to give context (be it mystical, sci-fi'ish, magical, demonic, whatever) without being absolutely ridiculous. Though I'm not well versed on the lyrics of either band beyond their hits (I didn't listen for the lyrics) none jump out at me as gawdawful; although I can recall some dumb-ish ones.
Double prepositions:
I'll forgive McCartney for his double preposition; some of the best lyrical hooks in history had dubious grammatical structure. However, "Live and Let Die" isn't among the great lyrical hooks in history.
The 1970's sometimes seem like the most egregious era of bad lyrics (although the over-serious 90's were crowded with cringeworthy overwrought stuff).
Problem with the 1970's is, how can you choose just ten?
Some other gofawful ones:
Supertramp: Bloody Well Right
(a heartfelt ode to not rocking the boat, not voicing concerns, accepting the status quo)
Paper Lace: The Night Chicago Died
(Ridiculous song about Al Capone by an English studio group; they know about as much about America and gangster lore as I do about snooker.)
Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods: Billy Don't Be A Hero
(Dumbest anti-war song ever written?)
George Harrison: The Light That Has Lighted The Word
The leaders of the nations/Are acting like big girls Plus, I'm not too crazy about "lighted"
Paul Anka: Havin' My Baby
You didn't have to keep it/You could've ripped it from your life but you didn't do it/Now you're havin' my baby.
John Lennon: Luck of the Irish
(if I didn't know better, I'd swear he was secretly a member of the Orange Order. He meant well, though)
Olivia Newton John: Have You Never Been Mellow?
(it took years to lose "mellow" from English currency)
Jefferson Starship: Skateboard
(Trying to sound with-it, they hire a friend to write a song that equates skateboarding with machismo; one of the worst of their worst)
Starland Vocal Band: Afternoon Delight
(The basic sentiment of this song is a worthy one; unfortunately, they apply Dating Game-esque euphemisms and a PG-rated cutesiness that makes you wanna turn celibate)
Grateful Dead: Unbroken Chain
(Awkward, clumsy "brotherhood" song from Phil Lesh, who demonstrates why he seldom wrote lyrics)
Billy Joel: Honesty
(Think about it: Honesty/Is such a lonely word? What does it mean? "Honesty" has no synonyms? "Honesty" cannot easily be worked into a sentence? "Honesty" has no adjective form? No other words start with "H"? "Honesty" is a word shunned by the public?
Everyone is so untrue. So from this we can survive theat "Honesty" despite being the subject of the sentence that comprises the hook of the song, isn't really the subject of the song; poor, miserable, honest ole Joel is, perhaps not realizing that untrue is an antonym for faithful.
I mentioned how I forgive grammar. In kick ass rock songs, I do. Not in maudlin, singer/songwriter cry-in-your-booze tunes.)
Anyway, great article, GoHah. :)
32 - GoHah
uao#31: Good contributions, but a I think I'm mostly appalled by "Skateboard" by Jefferson Starship, which I had never (thankfully) come to know and not love. So they built this city for rock and roll AND Skateboards? Some pills make you stoopider, apparently.
33 - GoHah
dyrkness#30--thanks for the 80s-style inspiration: still trying to parse those lines, but that's okay--I needed a little exercise in futility, anyway.
34 - Scott Butki
Oh you're right - this is painful, annoying stuff
35 - gognepog
"Just look over your shoulders, honey"
"Just look over your shoulder, sonny"
36 - Elsa
Best thing I read all day! Thank you. :)
37 - Jon Boy
Hm. I always thought it was "But if this ever changing world in which we're livin'". Maybe my sense of grammar wouldn't even allow me to consider "in which we live in" as a possibility.
38 - Tom Johnson
Gordon, I think we were on the same wavelength, months apart. Glad to know it annoys someone else, too. Some claim Paul's saying "IF this world we're living in . . . " but I don't know. I've never heard an "f" sound in there. The recording trumps the written lyric, I say - take Rush's "Freewill," for example. It's written by Neil Peart as "if you choose not to decide you cannot have made a choice," but Geddy Lee sings it as "if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice." The latter is "official" in the lyric sheet, and therefore "right," but Geddy has, as far as I know, never actually sung the line that way. And, besides, it's stupidly illogical Peart's way.
39 - Alien
I can't believe D'yer Mak'er didn't make this list. The lyrics, the vocal portrayal, even the title... it's all bad.
40 - Vic Lewis
As much as I still love "Roundabout" by Yes, there's a line in there that cracks me up every time I hear it....
"In and around the lake,
Mountains come out of the sky and stand there..."
Well - I suppose they would do, wouldn't they. They're mountains. What d'you expect 'em to do? Have a jam session? A kick-about, maybe? And I thought they came out of the earth - are these special mountains that can somehow uproot themselves and traverse vast distances through the air?
In fact, the more you try and analyse this rubbish, the more mind-boggling it is.
How about David Gates' "If?" - "If a man could be two places in one time, I'd be with you, tomorrow and today..." - er, sorry, DG, that'd be two times in one place - or possibly two different places at two different times, depending on the current location of the "you" in question....
And that was a hit twice!
41 - kookywackychicky
How about "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress" We can't tell what the #!@*?>&!! he's saying so it's super annoying: A saw-na-na na na to the table, and na saw za na Big Black Cat, ah sobasuba sonazuka D.A. Man, but it look a zona zubata zommmmm......