Anyway, Jack White isn't going to be appointed to anything but my... I mean, we're going to have to elect him. Finis. We will present the truth of the brilliance of the candy cane duo, we will use your vast musical knowledge and my fuzzy charm to persuade, and we will rationally convince everyone that the White Stripes are the best big name band producing music today, and if you don't shut up about your junta, I am going to stuff my monkey's paw where the sun don't shine and clean out your backed up plumbing.
We are talking severe consequences here, Albert. There may be cannibalism.
GA: Eek! I submit! I SUBMIT! I fear your monkey wrath more than Bin Laden. If you insist on persuasion and negotiation, perhaps we can give the people some limited opportunity to voluntarily choose the inevitable.
If you wish to make this process of establishing our rulership a Socratic dialogue, we can certainly argue a good case for Jack White the philosopher-king. That should be easy.
And if that doesn't work, I've arranged for a seven nation army to do the right thing and install Jack as El Presidente.
Without further ado, Al and the Monkey present:
"Seven Nation Army"
Elephant, 2003
GA: Yes, Jack White is a bold visionary political statesman. "Seven Nation Army" provides the blueprint for the revolution. Every revolution needs a blueprint. Mao wrote the classic little red book, and Jack White wrote "Seven Nation Army."
Yeah, Mao was pretty successful with his little book, but if he'd had a marching beat like the bassline that Jack dredged up from his inner ubermensch here, them Chi Coms would have marched right across the Pacific and actually captured Pearl Harbor instead of just blowing it up. We'd have been in serious trouble. Fortunately, glam was still decades away. Strange thing is they make such bloody good cameras.
Breaking down that White Stripes voodoo, Elephant was their British album, recorded in England and showing a lot of English influence. Looking at Jack's genius through that frame, he led his album with a classic 70s glam slam that Marc Bolan would have been proud to claim for T Rex.
Article comments
1 - Aaman
Good stuff - quite diabolical
2 - michelle
as a black girl the white stripes to me are the best band out there i love jack white i never see him doing any interview on live tv
3 - LegendaryMonkey
Diabolical! I love it.
I hardly ever see a live interview, either... and oh, would I love to have 10-12 on video just hanging around for me to soak up on rainy Saturday afternoons. There can never be enough White Stripes.
4 - Joe Battista
They're okay. Creative presentation though!
5 - MAF
Hey Al, I am a Jack White disciple
myself. The White stripes do rule.
You have good taste (somewhat). Now
all you need to do in order to be
perfect in my eyes is to learn more
about black people.
I like your
style El Presidente!!! You were
born to write. I would buy a book
by you anyday. Back to Jacky boy,
what he did for Loretta Lynn was
truly amazing. I never really took
him seriously until after that.
As a African
boy who has a soft spot for any
kind of music that appeals to me
I appreciate your music reviews
6 - LegendaryMonkey
You wait, Joe... in a week, we'll have you singing a different tune.
Al -- I sense the sweet smell of potential converts in the air! We'd better get to work!
7 - Generalissimo Alberto
MAF, thank you so much for your kind comments. Also, I hasten to add that White Stripes Nation is a post-colonial, post-racial land of union and harmony, open to people of all races, nations and creeds.
8 - dr. frued / brain doc
You must be a very lonely guy....sad fer yu...
why not go outside away from yer computer and see what the day brings?
You are too young to be this way.
dr. freud...
9 - Reported
I don't really care if this is a joke or satire. This type of talk makes me sick. Yeah, I know the lines before you say them "The White House doesn't care hahahaha!"
Well, I guess we'll all be sitting in our chairs waiting to see if they do care, and come bust your doors down, and drag you fags out in pink P.J.'s.
I don't really think this administration cares if this is joke or satire. Lets just hope they don't kill you for Treason.
10 - Generalissimo Alberto
Yee-haw, there, Reported. Come and get me, coppers!
Also, if'n anybody wants to shoot me for treason, they'll have to get past by evil one-eyed coon dog first.
And Jack's seven nation army.
Also, a fair warning to the feds: I do NOT have pink PJs. I sleep in the nude. Consider yourselves warned!
11 - OnlySmartPerson
The White Stripes suck...I pity myself for even responding to a stupid post like this but thought you should know that white stripes are gay and besides wouldn't Green day be a better choice for you faggots.
The final solutions is banning all laws and recycling all guns to return us to a mideval rennaisance so i could kill all of you with heavy metal....Whos with me?
12 - Rodney Welch
I ove the White Stripes and I love T. Rex, but that sentence about Elephant leading off with "a classic 70s glam slam that Marc Bolan would have been proud to claim for T Rex" has me totally befuddled. What in the world is "glam" about "Seven Nation Army"? The song and the album have virtually nothing to do with that world in sound or sensibility.
13 - william pertublum
That "OmlySMartPerson" was right! green day is better and the whole part about returning to the mideival ages was just...magical. I agree completely, we should change our government into a fuedal system.
14 - DJRadiohead
Green Day's crowning achievement seems to have been recording an album's worth of punkpop Springsteen ripoffs.
15 - mark talula
Yep green day is that bad but they are still better than the white stripes, sadly.
16 - Naio
Whitestripes are wife and husband... so how can they be gay?? I also thinik they are with the few still making some good rock music instead of commercial shit!