Greetings, Comrades. This is a communique from Generalissimo Alberto Barger regarding the present crisis. The current administration is an abject failure. The Bush regime is weak, and incapable of Decisive Action. Doing the denial twist in the cold, cold night is insufficient. The People demand change. A state of emergency exists.
Therefore, martial law is hereby declared. A directorate of The People has taken over, and a new executive has been chosen.
We must have a real leader, someone with a track record of real achievement who could impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. On careful examination, The People see that there's only one person fit for the task, a man of achievement equal to the job- a man with a genuine sense of geometry and theology.
Jack White has been appointed El Presidente for Life...
Legendary Monkey: Al, honey, no. Haven't you realized yet that your fascist ways convince no one? We have to approach this democratically, using logic and reasonable debate. Folks, you just can't mind Al. They haven't invented a medication yet that we can feed the big fella.
GA: Democracy has been tried and it has failed miserably. What in the world makes you think that average imbeciles have enough sense to run a country? They don't have enough sense to pick out a record collection. Do you think that people buying Coldplay and Mariah Carey records have any business making life and death decisions for the nation?
LM: I see through your weak attempt at distraction, and will not allow my disdain for anyone who likes Coldplay to influence my belief in a basic democratic system. Fascism isn't going to make us any friends here.
GA: We don't have time in the current situation to hold their hands and sing Kum-Ba-Frickin-Ya- they need only submit. Surely you can see that the Bush regime is weak, an abject failure. I think we can certainly agree that President Bush must be taken out and put to the lash immediately.