Naming bands is not an exact science—it's easier to get it wrong than to get it right.
If necessity is the mother of invention, then a road-trip along the desolate I-70 corridor in Illinois is the mother of random conversation. So it was that my wife and I came to discuss the worst band names of all time. (This is the worst names, mind you, not necessarily the worst bands, but there is a whole lot of overlap.) Passing judgment on band names is an inherently subjective pursuit, so I would like to propose a set of criteria to bring a modicum of consistency to this project. There are always exceptions to the rules, but in general:…
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Article comments
226 - Mike
Lame. Godspeed! you black emperor is a tight name.
227 - Don Halvorson
You forgot Led Zeppelin (Lead Zepplin) seriously
228 - Van
Lamb of God Rocks
229 - That Drummer Guy
Switchfoot?
Awesome band, what about the name?
230 - Catey
Stabbing Westward
Flaming Lips
231 - Atomic
No offense, but don't you think you are taking band names just a BIT too seriously????
but i agree, hoobastank is one of the worst band names (not worst band) EVER.
232 - undecdided
what about
goblin cock
anal cunt
alexisonfire
233 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
That's Mr. Mister Mister to you pal!!
234 - one more loudmouth
Suddenly Tammy is a bad band name.
235 - Dr Dreadful
Other acceptable number bands include 999 (British emergency phone number), U2 (spy plane) and Five for Fighting (obscure hockey reference).
Yet you call foul on UB40, which is (or used to be) the form you filled out in Britain in order to claim unemployment benefits.
Back in the band's heyday of the early 80s - the Thatcher era with its record unemployment - the name UB40 was a provocative political statement.
236 - Brandon
The best band name ever: The Brian Jonestown Massacre.
Worst name ever: Prince's stupid symbol. Another good rule is to pick a name that can actually be pronounced.
237 - Burke
dude, i don't usually bash on blogs and such, but linkin park is a real place, its not intentionally missed spelled and neither its the beatles, so before you talk about bands, get your shit straight, but nice job
238 - J.H.M.
I think a good 75% of outfits formerly associated with Throbbing Gristle violate these criteria. I mean, Thee Majesty? Coil? Current 93? Not that the names are bad, though, in my opinion...
Swans is a good exception, considering the irony in it in their formative years.
"Godspeed You! Black Emperor" was a 1950's Japanese documentary on a youth biker gang called the Black Emperors. Namely, it isn't stupid, just frustrating.
I think that early '70s German bands should be exempted from the "No One Word Names" rule. There were surprisingly many, and most were fairly clever.
239 - Sidkah
what about a name like.... My Mother Has An Adam's Apple? good, bad?
240 - Juno
I think blink-182 should be an exception, because they were originally only 'blink', but they had to change their name because of an Irish band who had it first.
241 - Mr.Deltoid
I can not believe no one mentioned S.O.D.(stormtroopers of death)! Great name!M.O.D. (Method of destruction)
242 - mcrancid
best band name ever:
paedophile scoutmaster.
hahahaha.
243 - brendon
the worst name of a band i ever heard was horny flaming rainbow but monkeys.i swear to god it`s a real band name.
244 - pornogrinder69
devourment is a good one fecalized rectial sperm spewage is pretty funny like cock and ball torture
245 - Bonerattle Phil
You could have an entire category for girl bands ...
two of my local favourites are:
stinkmitt
tit cannon
vancougar & my!gay!husband! also come to mind
246 - Mitch
Death Cab for Cutie = Baaaad
247 - X
Godspeed is actually taken from the title of an obscure japanese movie, which makes sense when you're an experimental band. Rage Against the Machine is a great name by the way.
248 - GutGrinder
I have some (all these bands are awesome, though!!!):
Torsofuck, StickyOxydal, SpermSwamp, Splatterhouse, Satan's Revenge On Mankind (or SxRxOxM for short), Rumpelstilskin Grinder, Rotting Christ, Prostitute Disfigurement, Poppy Seed Grinder, Pig Destroyer, Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis (also one of the longest band names), Onion Antichrist, One Man Army and the Undead Quartet, Nunwhore Commando 666, Nasum, Nailbomb, Municipal Waste, Mincing Fury and the Guttural Clamour of Queer Decay, Meat Shits, Lymphatic Phlegm, Lykathea Aflame, Libido Airbag, Last Days of Humanity, Katalepsy, Impetigo, Hymen Holocaust, Holy Molar, Haemorrhage, Guttural Secrete, Gut, Gorgasm, Gorerotted, Frightmare, Fleshless, Festering Saliva, Extreme Noise Terror, Excrementory Grindfuckers, Embalming Theatre, Dr. Shrinker, Decapitated, Cunt Grinder, Crotchduster, The County Medical Examiners, Cock and Ball Torture, Cliteater, Cattle Decapitation, Catasexual Urge Motivation (CUM), Cannibal Corpse, Burn Victim, Blood Freak, Birdflesh, Basket of Death, Archgoat, Amoebic Dysentery, Ahumado Granujo, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, Acid Enema, Aborted and 2 Minuta Dreka.
Just a few that stick in my head. I think they're awesome names, but you might not :P
249 - Crazy Joe
The only thing I disagree with is Def Leppard.
A name you should add is, Bands should never have to long of a name... lol.. however the only one off the top of my head is:
Yngwie J Malmsteen's Rising Force (though they are a really good band!)
250 - David
The Butthole Suffers?
251 - Triniman
The Stiff Bishops.
252 - Christopher Rose
David, do you mean the Butthole Surfers?
If it's not too cheesy, I would like to add Smegma to the list!
253 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
How 'bout Anal Cunt?
254 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
*Oops*... Just to clarify, I like A.C.
-Thanks
255 - Martin
All those people saying that this or that is the best band name ever have obviously never heard of the Hugh Jarre Soul Band.
256 - Sean
I disagree with Mr. Bungle being wrong. It is a humorous reference to peewee's hbo special. Makes me laugh every time i see it.
257 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
Wow...Someone actually knows about Pee Wee Herman when he was on HBO?? I'm surprised he made it to national television because the original show was not meant for kids... HA! Yes..Mr. Bungle Goes To Lunch.
"California" is their best album because it went beyond their immature(yet brilliant)funk/metal on their commercially funded "debut"(which I fucking love) and really showcased some ideas that were in a league all of its own!
258 - El Bicho
That show was one of the first things I ever remember seeing on HBO. has that ever been released on DVD?
259 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
Yes sir..it is: Live at the Roxy Theater(1982)
260 - Veggiepatch
The lamest band names...
Sparklehorse
Starsailor
Some Aussie band names are bizarre such as:-
The Slugfuckers
Lubricated Goat
The Foreskins - changed to just the Skins when a new female member disliked the name.
The Impatient Virgins
261 - Sabrina
Rush is awesome! But you're pretty correct with most of the others.
262 - Krissy Olson
MY bandname is "Lips of Ruby Red"
I think its friken awesiome
=)
263 - Ronnoc
"Five for Fighting" is actually quite a common term in hockey. I suppose it matters whether you're a hockey fan or not.
264 - Chuck
Much as I love metal, metal band names should've been brought into check here. Rumplestiltskin Grinder or Pig Destroyer anybody? I guess you already covered Burnt by the Sun and Job for a Cowboy... although, 3 Inches of Blood gets a pass for the same reasons as lords of acid, a double pass actually, imho.
265 - Kris
There is a band called garbage, yuck really bad name
266 - Jojo Bizarro
Here’s one for the exceptions to the numbers category: The 4 Skins.
267 - kraig oliver
the kid fiddlers..... just think about it.
268 - bertie
I saw a really crap band in London called "Nudge Muffin"... That's got to be up there with the worst ever... What's worse is that they fancied themselves as a metal band!!!
269 - Ali
I saw Nudge Muffin and they were actually pretty good, and have a cheeky quirky name. Not one for this blog.
270 - Loose Lucy
Just because you've never had your Muffin Nudged Bertie you big basset liquorice loving fucker!
271 - Jay
Yeah, a lot of monosyllabic band names suck, but you gotta admit, one of the best band names ever is Muse.
272 - Joq
How about "i've just shit myself" and then a sub name of "it's all running down my leg"
273 - Token Brit
Very late comment... re UB40, a UB40 is the government form you need to fill in in the UK when you sign up for unemployment benefit, The number has not been gratuitously added so should, imo, qualify as an exception for the same reasons U2 does.
I also think that Sham 69 is OK.
Terrible band name: Hootie and the Blowfish
Great band name: Half man half biscuit
274 - Token Brit
OK, have just found all the other pages of comments and see that everything I said has been said before by someone else. Before I crawl back under my rock gotta say thanks for mentioning 'Accidental Goat Sodomy' - dunno if it's crap or good but it made my spit coffee all over my keyboard. Nice mental image!
275 - Jesse
I love the explanation of the rules for band naming here. Clearly every band should have to read this and sign that they agree to follow the rules before they are allowed to select a name.
I've become somewhat fascinated with awful band names recently and done a bit of digging into other picks for bad names and really have to question what people are thinking these days. Are band members not spending enough time thinking about the name, the consequences, the branding side of things or are they just not creative enough to come up with something better? Is the market for great band names flooded that so few untaken names are left that we're destined for awful names for eternity now? Thoughts?