Naming bands is not an exact science—it's easier to get it wrong than to get it right.
If necessity is the mother of invention, then a road-trip along the desolate I-70 corridor in Illinois is the mother of random conversation. So it was that my wife and I came to discuss the worst band names of all time. (This is the worst names, mind you, not necessarily the worst bands, but there is a whole lot of overlap.) Passing judgment on band names is an inherently subjective pursuit, so I would like to propose a set of criteria to bring a modicum of consistency to this project. There are always exceptions to the rules, but in general:…
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— go to most recent comments76 - Craig Lyndall
For a while there, I was playing with some kids who wanted to do kind of a post-punk and not Emo type of a band and I was saying that we should name the band "See You Next Thursday" and I said it with a straight face.
They didn't get it and were like, "Dude, but there is already a band called thursday and it really sounds way too emo."
That was the beginning of the end. I knew I couldn't play with these people. I thought that would have been a decent band name. Profane without profanity and mocking the pretentious band names out there.
Oh Well.
77 - Douglas Mays
Come to thing of it, I remember a band out of the Bay area in the early 90s known as the Space Negroes. They had a cassette tape, it was actually not bad. Art-Punk.
OK, this thread could get really long as our brains start pulling out names from our memory.
78 - Warren Kelly
Toad the Wet Sprocket is from the sketch Rock Notes that you can find on the Contractual Obligation album. That sketch is full of really bad band names.
79 - Eric Berlin
How about this one for the best/worst flyer advertising a gig I've ever seen:
"If Phish were ska, they'd be Shue!"
[Shue was the band... apparently]
80 - Eric Olsen
band names:
Caustic Smegma
Persistent Fly
album title:
Clean As a Broke-Dick Dog
81 - HW Saxton
Shark,Where are "The Bastard Sons Of JC"
from ? That is a great name. Or a great/
bad name whatever the case may be.I also
like the name "The Bad Livers" who are
from down around your neck of the woods.
Well, Austin actually. But that is only
about 200 miles from Ft.Worth right?
82 - sydney
worst: The Band
despite thier good music..
83 - Eric Berlin
What about Da Band?
84 - HW Saxton
There was a punk band where I used to
live called "Free Beer".
Fliers for their shows always got a lot
of attention. Too bad they sucked.
85 - sydney
ya you reminded me off a cover band that had a name along those lines... it was a sex name though.. like "nude chicks" or "nude dancers". Forget exactly..
86 - Eric Berlin
I thought of one of the best/worst band names ever on the way home from work... they hailed from somewhere in Central New York...
Stool, Featuring Crappy the Clown
87 - dogsbody
A new band from Scotland is making a bold play for Worst Band Name Ever, and that is "Dogs Die in Hot Cars". What a stinker! They're much better than their name though.
88 - HW Saxton
There was once an Aussie punk band named
"I Spit On Your Gravy".
89 - Ablog
I disagree with Rage Against The Machine but still a great, and very funny post. I think maybe there should be a section for double negatives - for instance a band that came to my school a while ago - TheBandWithNoName. Surely that must be a contender for the worst name ever! Also Muse is another acceptable one syllable name.
90 - mike hollihan
"I agree, eagles of death metal is a cool name.
It's like :
"Hey tim, i hear you're in a band. What kind of music do you guys play ?"
"Well, you know, we're like the Eagles of death metal."
True story: some guys who had a movie soundtrack band were playing back one of their compositions and someone commented that it sounded like Phil Spector's wall of sound."
The reply? "No, man, it sounds like a wall of voodoo." And a band was born.
91 - The Demigodd
Squirting White.
How about that for a band name?
92 - The Theory
...eeew. just... eew.
93 - The Demigodd
Why are you disgusted? It's natural. It's how you were born.
94 - Eric Berlin
Okay, can't believe I'm revealing this one, but I've always thought this would a good name for the right band:
Sinnerjism
95 - Shark
HW, bastard sons of johnny cash at amazon
And they're touring California as we speak!
Check 'em out.
PS: In the early 70s, I was in a band named "Master Cylinder" --- in honor of a *cartoon charater in the old Felix series -- not a car part.
*No one got it. [snif]
PPS: The theatre I write for did an original musical a few years ago called "Negroes in Space"
96 - Eric Berlin
Any relation to Jews in Space from the end of Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I?
97 - Douglas Mays
I remember on an episode of 'Get Smart' there was a band called 'The Sacred Cows'.
98 - Eric Berlin
On an episode of Diff'rent Strokes, Willis was in a band called Afro-desiac.
99 - gonzo marx
a great bass player i know..leader of Zen Pajamas, one made a witty bit of Observation about band names..sarcastic as always he said..
"quick , grab a noun before they are all taken"
Wisdom abounds...
Excelsior!
100 - Douglas Mays
Demigodd, hhhmmm...Squirting White? You know we can make the Pearl Jam reference with that one....
101 - HW Saxton
Eric B., There is a Lonnie Liston Smith
Funk/Jazz tune called:"Afro-Desia".
This may just be where the writers of
"Different Strokes" copped the name of
the band.Pretty good name by the way, if
you ask me. By coincidence the name of
the show is also a song.The Soul/blues
great Syl Johnson did a song by the name
of "Different Strokes" a great funk jam
from about 1969/70.
Better than the name of band Beaver had
on the "Leave It To Beaver" TV show.
They were called:Beaver & The Trappers".
And they actually put out a 45 record
by the name of "Happiness Is...". that
is not bad early 60's garge rock.
102 - Eric Berlin
That's funny, HW, and I agree it's a good name... hell, it stayed with me all these years -- from one episode of a long gone sitcom!
103 - HW Saxton
Didn't Re-Run and Raj have a band at
some point on "What's Happening" or on
"What's Happening Now?" the follow up
that was based around Shirley's place?
It's been a long long time since I've
seen either but it seems like they did.
Ain't it sick the way TV sometimes blurs
the fine line between memory & reality?
104 - Eric Berlin
I bet they did... man, I'd love to see that episode right about now.
Less Will & Grace and Raymond in syndication!
More Diff'rent Strokes and What's Happening!
And Tom & Jerry and the original Transformers too!
Hell, bring back my entire childhood while we're at it!
105 - Eric Olsen
I loved The Wayouts in that Flintstones episode - the band members were segmented
106 - HW Saxton
The Way-Outs episode was cool.One of the
reasons the song was so catchy was that
it was written by Berry Gordy Jr.!
I'm not sure if it was written entirely
by Berry or just co written but you can
notice similarities to "Do You Love Me?"
without trying very hard.And "DYLM" was
written by Berry.
107 - MT
Years ago I met a band called Hitler & The Belmonts.
108 - HW Saxton
That reminds me, there was a punkabilly
band named: "Elvis Hitler".
109 - godoggo
There was also a band with the very fine name (in my opinion), The Very Idea Of Fucking Hitler. Obviously I disagree with the no prepositions rule, on the subject of which I've got to disagree with the author on Porno for Pyros, a perfectly splendid name in my view.
My favorite band name is the Minutemen. Also I thought the Doors was good. Hard to go wrong with the The thing.
110 - SA
That is hilarious! Thanks for a great read. However you left out a few good ones. . . . Thirty-Odd Foot of Grunts. Awful, but actually works when fans refer to them as TOFOG. It kinda sticks with you. Ironically, this is a good band. And speaking of actor bands. . . . I think Dogstar is a great name. . . awful band.
111 - Sarah
fuck that! Korn rocks.
112 - HW Saxton
Wasn't "Dogstar" the band that Keanu R.
had?
113 - uao
Nobody mentioned:
The Buttless Chaps
...and you will know us by the trail of dead
The The
Jelly
Joy of Cooking
Thinking Fellers Union Local 282
Butts Band
It's A Beautiful Day
I Am The World Trade Center
Englebert Humperdinck (whose given name was the reasonable Arnold George Dorsey)
114 - HW Saxton
Hassan Ben Sobar & His Suburban Turbans.
So Cal punk band - mid 80's. Unrecorded
to my knowledge.
And there was a Phoenix,AZ band called:
"Sphincter".The same city also gave us
"Jodie Foster's Army".
And my favorite is the Australian band:
"The Beasts Of Bourbon". Great band!!!
Swampy,noisy,bluesy with shades of Punk,
C&W and Tom waits-esque bizarro world
cabaret.
115 - Pete Blackwell
If only they were The Assless Chaps. Then I could get behind them (in a manner of speaking).
I'll see your Jelly and raise you Belly. Which is worse?
Yes, Dogstar was Keanu's "band."
Sarah, Korn may or may not rock. That's not the point. Their name sucks. I said nothing about their music. In fact, I quite like some of the bands I listed.
116 - Andrew Ian Dodge
Worst band name ever has to be Anal C***.
117 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
anal c**t is a great name! shame they're a bunch a wankers, mind.
118 - Pete Blackwell
Yeah, AC gets a special pass for being so ballsy (to continue the anatomical theme). As does Bloodcome. I'm sticking with Archers of Loaf. They don't get any worse than that.
119 - Andrew Ian Dodge
Then there is always Impaled Nazerene, Pungent Stench, Cannibal Corpse et al...there are so many daft names in the extreme metal field.
A mate of mine does a rather funny gag imagining one of the guys in the band telling his parents about his new project.
120 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
points must be awarded to Half Man / Half Biscuit, but then the naffness was kinda intentional, an also, they rock. on another note, Andrew Ian Dodge, am i right in assuming your own band to Growing Old Disgracefully? I only ask becuase i mentioned it in the (currently uploading) mondo podcast 13, an hope i got it right!
121 - Victor Plenty
All right, for my money, "that dog." deserves honorable mention among the worst band names of all time. It really helps that they insist on the lowercase letters and the period at the end as part of their official band name.
When someone mentioned Jesus in band names, it reminded me of M.C. 900 Foot Jesus, which is a horrible band name partly redeemed by its mockery of a televangelist fund-raising story.
Best part of that story is the televangelist's name: Oral. Oral Roberts, if I recall correctly. Yep, those were the good old days.
122 - Andrew Ian Dodge
Yes my own band is Growing Old Disgracefully.
We have a targeted single coming out next week. The link to the site is above.
123 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
good luck with that Andrew! another truly horrendous band-name, from a telly show (popstars the rivals, in fact) - a boy band called One True Voice. what a horrific band name...
124 - Andrew Ian Dodge
Yikes that is bad. If you want lame names a quick reading of The Pit metal mag or Terrorizer is a treasure-trove. It is esp funny when you consider some extreme metal bands logos.
125 - Ali
Hey, wut do u guys think of the band names phantom 43, or new day?