Naming bands is not an exact science—it's easier to get it wrong than to get it right.
If necessity is the mother of invention, then a road-trip along the desolate I-70 corridor in Illinois is the mother of random conversation. So it was that my wife and I came to discuss the worst band names of all time. (This is the worst names, mind you, not necessarily the worst bands, but there is a whole lot of overlap.) Passing judgment on band names is an inherently subjective pursuit, so I would like to propose a set of criteria to bring a modicum of consistency to this project. There are always exceptions to the rules, but in general:…
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— go to most recent comments26 - BRICKLAYER
Hey Colostomy Grab Bag, they were pretty cool. Thanks for reminding me, Mark!
27 - Jaime Nichols
I am so with you on the prepositions. However, I think Ween is a cool band name... it's just so GROSS somehow.
28 - Taloran
re: The Theory in comment 13:
"Numbers in number form suck... but written out numbers don't have to suck."
I agree, and therefore disagree with Pete's assertion that Ten Years After is a bad band name, but he seems to indicate he thinks the band is/was called 10 Years After. Alvin Lee's later band, Ten Years Later, had a name that was just too contrived to be believed, however.
Didn't Rob Thomas make a big deal about changing the name of his band from Matchbox 20 to Matchbox Twenty a few years back?
UB40, though I never liked the band, had a creative name, as that is the title of the British unemployment form, or so I understand.
Other comments:
Best one-word band name: Traffic
In the pre-Internet years, I had the first edition of a book called "The Rock Record" by Terry Hounsome, that had all kinds of interesting and useless trivia about just about every band, album, session man, etc. etc. of the rock era. It had the most amazing name for a band ever in it, that fits Pete's mention of band names not being complete sentences:
The Only Alternative and His Other Possibility.
Alas, I never found the album, and by the time my copy of the first edition wore out and I bought the third edition, the entry had been removed.
I remember early references to the band name Toad the Wet Sprocket having come from a Monty Python skit, but I never determined which skit it was from.
29 - Taloran
I don't think The Only Alternative and His Other Possibility is a good name for a band, just an amazing one. One that piqued my curiosity.
30 - Julie
Incredible! An entire article and extended comments about Bad Band names without once mentioning "Gay Bikers on Acid".
31 - Eric Olsen
except it was "Gaye" Bikers on Acid
32 - Eric Olsen
I always liked Alien Sex Fiend and his wife, Mrs. Fiend
33 - Cerulean
Interesting subject but I can't say I agree with your rules.
I grew up in the sixties and seventies and I hate most of band names now. They are all sort of edgy in a vague, meaningless way, like everything this generation does. They are afraid to put anything out there that means anything and this is how they hide.
34 - FilteringCraig
How about death metal?
Dying Fetus
Vomit Remnants
35 - gonzo marx
bah..the temerity to state that Rush, Tool, or Rage Against the Machine are bad band names!!
philistine!!
but i digress..
here' ssome for you
Leather Studded Diaphram
C.H.o.D. (chicken holiday of doom)
Dirge
Rooster Mohawk and the Chicken boys
Prong
and soOOOOOOOoooooOOOooo many more from my old band days in the underground scene in NYC/Jersey shore
i don't really think there is such a thing as a truly bad band name
(i know, there are exceptions, i tried "Free Beer" briefly..and my last band, "Rope" shot down the name "Everbody Dies"...i liked the idea of a radio announcement "tonight at 9, Everybody Dies at the Stone Pony)
just my one sixth billionths of the world's Opinion..
your mileage may vary
Excelsior!
36 - boldergeizd
tafkap ?
37 - Thad Anderson
I don't know their music well enough to have an opinion on it, but System of a Down is a great example of the preposition rule.
38 - visualsimplicity
How about my future band name? Distilled Water.
How's the music? Kind of bland.
39 - Victor Plenty
Thanks for clearing that up, visualsimplicity.
40 - Leoniceno
There's a local band called '[insert metaphor here]', which I think is kind of lame in itself..
Anyway, would 'Guided by Voices' be an exception to your 'no prepositions' rule? I think that's a pretty neat name.
41 - Victor Plenty
"'Til Tuesday, God Is My Co-Pilot" is a cool band name.
42 - Eric Berlin
Great post and I'm in large agreement.
I think the preposition is fine, however, and like the names Rage Agains the Machine and Alice in Chains.
Very much agree on the number in the band name thing... though I contend Three Dog Night is fine because it at least is an adjective holding some meaning.
I think a band name is pretty damned important as it is one of the first things you see visually or hear in place of the music itself.
Example A:
Yo man, there's this new band called Texas Terri and the Mean Ones that's totally kick ass. You should totally check it out. I mean, these guys ROCK!
Example B:
Yo man, there's this new band called Klickles907a that's totally kick ass. You should totally check it out. I mean, these guys ROCK!
Which band would you check out first?
[Example A is a real band while B is made up...]
43 - Al Barger
Garbage really grates as a band name. For your criteria, it is a single word name. My objection, however, is that I take the name as self-judgement. They're strongly suggesting by their very name that they're no good. I don't want to listen to garbage. They actually have one or two good songs, but it took a lot for me to get past their name.
44 - Duane
The Snot Puppies.
45 - Eric Berlin
I like band names that have a sense of humor but also manage to pull off being a "real band" (whatever that means) like Nerf Herder and Aquabats.
46 - Lono
nothing in history is worse than this shit. I haven't even heard their music... just out of principle:
the the
wtf is that? After that, any band name is good. Except Live, all that does is create confusion. Annoying stupid confusion. So how does one create clever confusion? Barenaked Ladies!
47 - Eric Berlin
Different kind of sort of topic:
It would be really fun to have a Battle of the Bands competition of bands with stupid names / very similar names. First up:
The Band v. Da Band
48 - bmarkey
This far into the thread and no mention of Our Lady Peace? Or, for that matter, Better Than Ezra? (Which I always secretly translated to Lamer Than Live.) (Which, in turn, is pretty fucking lame, if you think about it.)
49 - Pete Blackwell
I should have included the Jesus bands in my list.
Jesus Jones
The Jesus Lizard
The Jesus and Mary Chain
Liquid Jesus
The only good one is Jesus Christ Superfly
And yes, Better Than Ezra should have made it, too.
50 - wvmcl
The Mothers of Invention would qualify under your second criterion. I don't think the band was officially known as "Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention", at least not at first. However, in fairness, the band was originally called just "The Mothers." That wouldn't fly on an album cover in 1966, so the record company insisted on the addition.
My favorite bizarro band name : Scraping Foetus off the Wheel (later shortened to just "Foetus")
51 - Eric Berlin
At my high school there was a band called Dizzy Platypus... which I thought was kind of rad.
52 - Craig Lyndall
Ok, so my band (of about 6 months now) is called The Company Line
Not that we are going to change it or anything, but is that an acceptable name?
Cheap plug for my band :-)
53 - Shark
Great article, Pete!
Best comment so far:
Bricklayer: "Bob Dylan-I hate that stupid name."
(wiping coffee off my monitor)
=====
re: 60s bands --
don't forget these (not sure if they're on the Worst list or the Best list?)
The West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band (not too pretentious, eh?)
Chocolate Watchband
Shiva and the Headband
Electric Prunes
Bubble Puppy
The Moving Sidewalks
Question Mark and the Mysterians
Blue Cheer
The Seeds (best singer name: Sky Saxon)
Hour Glass (later = The Allman Bros)
exception to the NO NUMBERS Rule:
--> 13th Floor Elevators!
re: famous misspellings: did you forget The Byrds?
WORST CHANGE: Jefferson Airplane -to- Jefferson Starship
=======
My favorite: "Pit Bulls on Crack"
54 - Shark
My candidate for the worst, timely contribution:
Constantine the Professional Pouter's band:
"Pray for the Soul of Betty"
55 - Pete Blackwell
I'd say the Company Line is ok. Not particularly inspired, but FAR from the worst I've heard.
13th Floor Elevators--Great band, terrible name. Many of the bands on my list are ones I truly love, just not necessarily the names.
You'll see that I mention ? and the Mysterians at the end as an all-time classic.
Should have put Grotus in the made-up word list. And WURM and GWAR aren't so good.
Good call on the Byrds. On the topic of the Byrds, I never did like the Flying Burrito Brothers as a band name.
56 - Taloran
"WORST CHANGE: Jefferson Airplane -to- Jefferson Starship" to plain old Starship.
57 - Sunny
Some of my favorite bands with kind of lame names:
Dashboard Confessional
Taking Back Sunday
Jet
breaking benjamin
58 - Dave Nalle
Since we seem to be diverging into great band names, who can beat the best band name ever - The Smoking Popes.
Dave
59 - Paul Roy
It don't get much better than RUSH for single-syllable rock band name, and Led Zeppelin is one of my all-time faves.
60 - The Demigodd
I've got an exception to band names w/ one syllable: The florida-based death metal band called... Death. Now THAT'S an awesome name.
I have ideas for band names, like "Death to Society". That's an AWESOME name with a preposition. A band name "666", would be a good band name. A good band name with a catch phrase would be "Die Slow Muthafuckaz" (DSM for short.)
61 - visualsimplicity
Wow, a death metal band named Death? Shocking.
Or a Satan worshipping band named 666? Damn I wish I was that creative.
Seriously, though, I don't really agree with the preposition rule since one of my favorite band names is called Death from Above 1979 (and it some what violates the number rule too--and ironically, after my above comments, has the word death in it).
62 - The Demigodd
No, the death metal band, Death, is known as one of the godfathers of death metal. They came out in the late-80s, and they're kickass, too. I had their CD, Heretic (released 2003), but some asshole stole my rock CDs. Now all I have is my rap stuff, which I haven't really been listening to.
63 - Eric Berlin
Was just thinking that it's really true that having "the" on the front of your band name is usually a sign of good things...
The Doors, The Beatles, The Who, The Damned, The Jam, The Kinks, etc.
Notable exception #1:
The Spin Doctors
64 - The Theory
I had to think of the band, Eagles of Death Metal while reading this thread... now THAT is a good band name... probably because it's satire.
65 - boldergeizd
No idea if "Death" is cool or lame as a band name, and i don't really care either.
The music though..
I'm not a metalhead myself at all, but Death indeed used to make some incredibly creative music.
Beyond metal.
I like to listen to death between chet baker and jj cale, and somehow it always fits.
Subtle music.
Really.
66 - boldergeizd
I agree, eagles of death metal is a cool name.
It's like :
"Hey tim, i hear you're in a band. What kind of music do you guys play ?"
"Well, you know, we're like the Eagles of death metal."
That's pretty funny, i think.
67 - The Demigodd
Another good band name would be "Abaddon".
68 - godoggo
Actual band: The But Franklies
Never heard them, but how bad could they be?
69 - HW Saxton
This is either the worst name ever or it
is one of the greatest band names ever:
"The Guys Who Came Up From Downstairs"
The real name of a mid 60's garage band,
no kidding. I wish I was but I'm not.
70 - The Demigodd
Definitely the funniest band name, however.
71 - Douglas Mays
Butthole Surfers, Dayglo Abortions; Fartz. Well, I love those bands!
72 - Mike
These are all great suggestions but the worst band name of all-time is "Goo Goo Dolls" by a long shot. I hear they named themselves this on a double-dog dare. Simply awful!
73 - Thad Anderson
Re: Eagles of Death Metal comment . . .
I know, I love that name. I was assuming that was how someone had described Queens of the Stone Age (which shares members with EoDM) at some point.
Also, speaking of Queens of the Stone Age, is there a rule on the use of military/political titles in band names? Some other good military names that come to mind are Captain Beefheart, Captain Beyond, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Joy Division, and Nuclear Assault. The Captain and Tennille is the exception that proves the rule.
As for political titles, there's Elvis - "the King," King Buzzo from the Melvins, Queen, Queen Latifah, the aforementioned Queens, Prince, Duke Ellington, Screaming Lord Sutch, and countless others.
74 - Shark
H.W. Sax, et al:
Ain't it weird that it's kinda hard to decide whether it's the WORST band name ever or the BEST band name ever?
Thin line, apparently!
With that in mind....
Best/Worst(?) Country Band Name EVER:
*The Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash
*great music, btw!
75 - Shark
A note on Death Metal:
Music for the young only.
(At my age, 'death' is the last thing I wanna hear and/or think about.)