Ugliness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and everyone has a different opinion on what constitutes "ugly" I recently asked some of the Internet's top music sites to answer the following question:
"Who do you think the ugliest musician/band ever to walk the planet
is and why?"
I took the responses I received and shared them with a large group of music loving friends who then voted on the submissions. After the votes were counted I put the selections in order from ugliest to least ugliest. The resulting list contains the top dozen ugliest musicians, or the real "Dirty Dozen."
Please remove all sharp objects and children from the room before viewing the pictures displayed below. (Click images for expanded versions)
1. Shane MacGowan (The Pogues)
Looking for the ugliest rock star is something of a fool's adventure. After all, rock isn't about being pretty. If Keith Richards looked like Hugh Grant, the Rolling Stones might've gone the way of Herman's Hermits. Ugliness denotes disregard for the bourgeoisie ideas of beauty, it suggests defiance in the face of the photogenic, it is emblematic of "listen to the music, man". Beautiful people seldom make stirring music, in much the same way as the handsomest jock and prettiest cheerleader seldom had anything interesting to say in high school. So with these caveats in mind, I'll say the most heroic rock performer is none other than Irishman Shane MacGowan of the Pogues. The Irish have produced many a handsome lad, and many a fair lass, but MacGowan got one of the most asymmetrical heads, biggest flappy ears, and worst teeth from his genetic pool. Makes me all that more convinced the Pogues were a great band.
Selected by uao of Freeway Jam
2. G.G. Allin
GG (born Jesus Christ Allin) started out sort of homely, but through a lot of effort, made himself truly ugly - which was a reflection of the world as he saw it. He often performed naked and would cut huge gashes in his face and body on stage. He'd urinate and deficate on stage, and then throw his feces at the crowd. A self-described asshole, GG didn't just do this as a performance, he lived his life that way. A friend was a potential enemy, but the audience was the ultimate enemy. He was famous for endurance, in the amount of damage he would inflict on himself. He once bashed a microphone against his mouth repeatedly until his front two teeth were knocked in. He promised suicide on stage, but ended up dying in a friend's apartment in 1993, of a heroin overdose after escaping naked from a police-raided show nearby.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Eric Olsen
fascinating and thanks for asking me to participate: I see many of my colleagues included "spiritual" ugliness in their deliberations
2 - Robert
Yea, I thought that the "spiritually ugly" route was a good way to go. I agree with largehearted boy on Madonna, but you know, after examining her above picture closely. Those eybrows and that hook nose really show how physicaly unatractive the woman was before the surgery and fashion upgrades.
3 - Mike
Wow. Nobody said Frank Zappa in specific, or the Mothers of Invention as a whole? Not only are they ugly, but they wear ugly dresses!
4 - Nancy
I still think after all these years that Mick Jagger is one of the ugliest (physically) critters ever to prance on a stage.
5 - Bob A. Booey
I like this piece a lot, especially the pictures. Robert Burke rivals Teletart for my newest darling Blogcritic that I adore :) I hereby nominate him for the main music critic for this site rather than the ridiculous Senator Al Barger. Unlike my past nominations, you all know Robert Burke is the far, far better writer and totally deserves it.
He's a legend and a hero, but Joey Ramone was one weird, ugly mofo. He was some kind of alien mutant, who had like 3 rows of tiny shark teeth and an odd head.
John Mayer is an ugly goofy dork.
Scott Stapp, formerly of Creed, was a fat ugly dork. Ditto for Steve, the lead singer from Smashmouth. There haven't been many fat lead singers in rock bands, so they tend to stand out.
Rick Ocasek might deserve on that list because of his googly eye.
I'll have to think of some others.
That is all.
6 - BRICKLAYER
Hows about a shot of yer own mugs for comparison?
7 - BRICKLAYER
Oh, and you mistakenly posted a picture of Richard Ramirez instead of Alex Van Halen...wait a minute, Richard Ramirez IS Alex Van Halen!!!!!!!
8 - Bob A. Booey
Burke is so right about Gene Simmons, one of the biggest douchebags fronting one of the worst bands in human history.
That is all.
9 - BRICKLAYER
Of course, Alex got more play on a bad night when he was semi-comatose, lying on the floor with vomit all over him than we've all collectively bagged in our entire lives. And really, isn't that what's most important?
np: Megadeth-"Scorpion"
10 - Mark Saleski
yow, i like the sonny & cher reference in the Jim Skafish bit...because that dude looks like sonny & cher put together.
creepy.
11 - ClubhouseCancer
Re Comment 3: "I think it's your mind."
12 - Nancy
Just what is Barger a senator of? Or where?
13 - Eric Olsen
BAB, what is with the "main music reviewer" references all the time? Surely you are familiar enough with the site to know there is no such thing and that dozens of writers post music reviews every week.
Nancy, Al was the Libertarian candidate for the Senate from Indiana last year
14 - Eric Olsen
Mark, Thanks - did you know Skafish? (musically, that is)
15 - Mark Saleski
no, actually i don't. should i?
(and let this be proof to those that know me that i don't own every freaking recording ever made...tho i'm workin' on it!)
16 - Bob A. Booey
I'm easily confused. I see "New CDs" next to the Senator's name. Robert Burke is a national treasure.
That is all.
17 - BRICKLAYER
It was downright cruel of you to post a picture of Robert Waters after he began the hormone injection therapy treatments. If a man wants to alter himself to look like the Queen Mother, that's his business!
18 - Eric Olsen
no, that was Nicolas Cage
New CD releases is simply a weekly feature Al does
19 - Eric Olsen
Mark, yes, you should really check the guy out - his site is here. That first album on IRS was pretty great
20 - Temple Stark
Are all the comments written by the "Selected by..." authors? The paragraph from Joan Hiller/Publicist, Sub Pop Records particularly caught my eye.
Also "I recently asked some of the Internet's top music sites" may not be entirely truthful here. Sorry.
Asked some music types would seem to fit the bill, however.
And only one woman? Madonna's not even ugly.
21 - Eric Olsen
yes, each selector wrote his/her section
22 - Eric Olsen
and I agree Madonna isn't ugly, but she is broken
23 - Robert
Temple,
Yes, all text that goes with each selection was written by the person who selected it.
And as far as I'm concerned these ARE "some of the Internet's top music sites". If you don't agree with me go collect your own list from your own favorites. In the meantime I will continue to give praise where I choose to. These are, after all, MY OPINION pieces.
24 - Robert
If you guys would read what largehearted boy said you would see he chose Madonna because of the "internal ugliness" she radiates.
Although I think those eybrows could comfortably house a family of bush monkeys.
25 - Eric Olsen
Robert, you are so avuncular toward your writers