You're too good to us, Morrissey. Really.
Seriously, man, we are not worthy of your wit, and The Duke now stands before you like that woman what mopped Christ's feet with her hair. Yeah, I don't know what the deal was either. Who the hell knows what this 2'000 year old woman was thinking about?
But anyway, Morrissey, really. You shouldn't have. I know, you said the same thing to The Duke when he wrote that fucking sublime piece about The Online Crime, but really, this is way too much.
Oh, sorry, Morrissey, I'll have to call you back. These here folks have arrived for to read The Duke's analysis of your album what goes by the name of You Are The Quarry.
You too, big guy.
Seriously, too much.
Bye Morrissey.
Thanks Morrissey.
Hi friends and motherfuckers. You caught me unawares, is all. Sorry and what-not, but really, you could have knocked. Or even rang the doorbell. It plays the theme from Tenebrae.
Anyway, today The Duke got his hands on the new album by Morrissey, a sublime work of wonder by the name of You Are The Quarry, complete with bonus DVD what has the new video and pictures and so on.
Tell you the truth, I'm feelin a little post-coital right now. I feel like rolling over and smoking a cigarette, getting a little flatulent, and maybe falling asleep. But since I like you, I'll tell you all about this here record what has ravaged The Duke's bones and performed ungodly acts upon him.
You may have noticed that the Music Press has been in all of a state with regards old Steven Patrick this past while, especially in the old U of Kingdom. You may be wondering; Hang on just a second now. Isn't this the bloke what made Maladjusted? Wasn't that album putrid nonsense? In fact, despite all the waffling about how "witty" a writer Morrissey is, haven't those past few albums often substituted wit for just yacking on about some issue or other, or how bored he is with everything? I mean, sure, he used words you don't often hear in a pop song, but that's not wit, man. That's no more witty than, say, substituting Which for What or some such, or saying Motherfucker at inappropriate moments.
First off, watch your motherfucking mouth, man, is what.
Second off, yes, he did indeed make Maladjusted, but that was seven years ago, folks. Seven years. In other words, he's had plenty of time for to get his act together and get the socks pulled up and various other phrases what mean "Writing some brilliant shit again".
Article comments
1 - HW Saxton Jr.
Duke,In all honesty I must say that I've
never cared for The Smiths or anything
Morissey has done solo.You certainly do
make reading about it interesting though
I'll admit.I do agree with you 101% on
"The Pogues". The disc what is called:
"Sugar Cane Juice,Sex That Don't Lead To
Baby Making and The Leather Strip What
Stings Like A Mother Fucker When Applied
To Ones Backside" is a GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT
record to throw back a few pints to.
2 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Aw, HW, thanks man. That was real nice is what.
Excellent, excellent duke-ification of that 2nd pogues album, there. Stunning.
I have a tattoo of Shane on my left arm. You might say i approached the fanatical. Shane, incidentally, on the occasion when i finally got to meet him, was incredibly embaressed about it.
Again, thank you ever so lots for the kindness of vocabulary.
3 - HW Saxton Jr.
Thanks for the kind words DDM.You are an
inspiration to many around this neck of
the woods.My own self included.
You got to meet Shane? Color me jealous.
I cannot think of many "famous" people
I'd actually like to meet but MacGowan
is one of 'em (I got to meet Divine once
though).He seems like he'd be very down
to earth though I'm afraid I'd probably
become a tongue tied bumbling idiot(even
more so than usual)if I ever did.
ar
4 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
HW, you met Divine? Wow! Pink Flamingos has the biggest number of film folks what The Duke would want to meet of any cinematic work. Unfortunately, the chances of meeting Divine are now scarpered, but John Waters and the bloke with the singing arsehole, they would be wonderful.
As to my meeting with Shane...
In early 2003, i think, just as i was winding down towards the whole "having to get sober" thing, Shane appeared as a guest DJ at the Belfast Death Disco, organised by BP Fallon and Alan McGee. My fiancee and i went up, and lo and behold, there he was, sitting at the the bar. I was indeed tongue-tied and what not, and he seemed highly annoyed by my bursts of "uh...how...uh...you alright shane?" He was indeed incredibly down to earth, and we chatted for much of two hours (after i got my tongue unravelled) about Sergio Leone and stuff, while my fiancee took pictures and watched as her partner's lifetime ambition reached a glorious conclusion. He even played my demo during his set, which i cheekily brought along with me, just in case. Brilliant stuff. He even gave me his phone number, which led to the hitherto unthinkable occurance of phoning his hotel and being told sternly to phone back later on account of he was writing a song. lol. "I'm writing a song!!!!"
Amazingly, i also have the prestigious honour of having been told by shane macgowan that "maybe i should quit drinking". Imagine!!
Ah, memories.
5 - HW Saxton Jr.
Duke that is a great story,especially
what with Shane telling you that you may
want to reconsider your relationship w/
the drink and all.LOL.
I got to meet Divine while he was on the
"Jungle Jezebel" tour. You remember the
record I trust. He was sooooo funny and
really nice.Very similar to the onscreen
persona.A natural comic. We were invited
to go party with him and his entourage
but I had to work early the next day and
couldn't go.I have regretted this ever
since. I should've went as Jobs can be
found and this was a once in a lifetime
oppurtunity missed.But I thought wrongly
that I might have another chance someday
which of course I never did and Divine
died soon after.
Congrats on your 1st Year man.Seriously.
Happy B day and all that. I understand
100%.I've wrestled demons of my own and
it wasn't much fun.The fact that any of
my friends or family still claim to know
me is testimony to their capacity for
forgiveness.
By the by did you ever make contact with
Steckler or TV Mikels ??? Just curious.
6 - HW Saxton Jr
Duke,by the way It would've been around
1986 that I met Divine if memory serves me right.
7 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
HW, brilliant Divine story. Don't worry, man, I'm sure Divine says the same thing wherever he ended up. "I should've made that HW fella hang around a bit" he's thinking.
Thank you for the b-day wishes. Means a whole lot. :)
As to the contacts, they're riding atop my "to-do" list. i just wanna have something worthwhile to say. I been racking my brain. How do you adress these lords of smutty genius???
I will be sending the emails shortly, this weekend no doubt. I will keep you posted.
And yead, family and friends have an AMAZING capacity for forgiveness.
Gotta forgive yourself, too, though, which is often a lot more difficult.
Man, that Morrissey, eh? lol
8 - HW Saxton Jr.
Yeah,It's funny how these posts get off
onto unrelated tangents. Good luck with
the interviews.A quick Divine story and
then I've got to scoot along.
Divine LOVED being a celebrity.He was
more than happy to sign autographs,talk
to his fans,take photos and the like.
Well,when I met Divine,after the show,
all of the boys and girls were crowding
about asking him a million questions,
taking photos and all that and Divine
quipped:"God,I feel just like Elizabeth
Taylor... only thinner" LOL!!! I laughed
my arse off man. Ciao.
9 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
god, thats just about the best Divine quote i've ever heard! "only thinner!" Ha! Great stuff HW. thanks for sharing!