"Behind Blue Eyes" - Limp Bizkit - These no-talent mooks have terrorized tasteful music fans for far too long, but this mangled corpse of a song amounts to pure torture. Roger Daltry has one of the most powerful voices in rock. Fred Durst can't sing. What do you think the result will be when the nu-metal goon tackles this favorite? Musical diarrhea, that's what.
"American Pie" - Madonna - Forget nuance or song meaning. Just put a dance beat behind it, and the kids will love it, right Madge? Do you think the Material Bore even knows what this song is about? The sound of a once popular artist desperately grasping at relevance.
"When a Man Loves a Woman" - Michael Bolton - This is like shooting fish in a barrel, but I'll take aim anyway. Bolton thinks that if he sounds like he's experiencing hernia pain, then his singing must be powerful. A landmark song, stripped of its soul and power by this talentless ass clown.
"911 is a Joke" - Duran Duran - Stop laughing. I know it's hard to imagine the white pinups covering this Public Enemy diatribe about the lack of response by Emergency Services in the black community, but it's true. And sad. And awful. Even worse, this is just one bad track on an album comprised entirely of cover songs.
"Can't Help Falling in Love" - UB40 - One of the greatest songs of all time gets the pale white reggae treatment; how this managed to become a hit is beyond me. Sadly, these guys are not first time offenders. They also sucked the life out of Neil Diamond's "Red Red Wine."
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Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Kyle S
I'd add Fatboy Slim's new version of "The Joker." A truly awful version of a ho-hum song.
2 - Vern Halen
I appreciate that these are all relatively new. If you go back to the 50's & 60's up until today, I'm sure you could find about 10,000 really pointless covers. None of us have that kind of time though, do we? So howcum these artists have time to record & release this stuff? Don't they have producers/managers to catch them before they do something stupid (and I don't mean the Sinatra song!).
3 - Kyle S
Oh, and I believe that Michael Bolton is actually a no-talent ass-clown.
4 - Matt
I love Office Space
5 - Kurt Nordstrom
(heh, moved this comment)
Oh, man, did you have to remind me of Madonna's cover of "American Pie"? That was just wretchedly wretched. It's like urinating on grandma's best linens.
That said, I kinda like UB40's stuff. Now, if you want to hear something BAD, you need to check out Neil Diamond's live CD in which he attempts to sing his "Red, Red Wine" song in the reggae style of UB40.
Ouch.
6 - BRICKLAYER
I could not agree more regarding Ms. Crow's unfortunate decision to butcher this wonderful G&R tune. While Ms. Crow is an absolute hottie to the nth degree, and as fine as the freshly driven snow, she has no business taking on the rock, and her choice and delivery of covers is as abysmal as her choice of old square boyfriends like that stiff Eric Clapton. Let's not forget this man sold his soul to the devil. Also, kudos on the Lenny Kravitz choice. He has the magical ability of making any song he produces sound like a cover version, and by the way turning any thing he touches into crap. This is what happens when models are given guitars. Ugly people just rock out better. Especially butt ugly people. That is why I feel god cursed me not only once, but twice. He spared me of good looks AND talent!
7 - Eric Olsen
very fine choices well-explained, but I beg a couple of differs: I can't figure out where all this animosity toward Lenny Kravitz comes from. I think he pretty amazingly versatile and great. I am not a particular fan of "American Woman," however but who else in the last 20 combines rock, soul and funk better? (one could reasonably say Living Colour, but Lenny writes better tunes).
Moving on, I also like UB40 an awful lot, and their covers of "Red Red Wine" "Can't Help Falling" and most especially "Kingston Town" are creative and pretty great.
I agree with the rest, though. That Duran Duran cover album is particularly horrifying and I am a Duran Duran fan.
8 - Eric Olsen
check out this fascinating reference source
9 - Mark Saleski
yea, i heard that version of "Imagine".
dead.
10 - Mark Saleski
who else in the last 20 combines rock, soul and funk better?
Fishbone.
11 - BRICKLAYER
The Honorable Mr. O:
Mr. Kravitz deserves our derision for, but not only for, his abhorrent television commercials where he parades around in overpriced clothing that can be bought at any mall, but we all know is only worn by those lacking in flair and taste. As to your question, I would proffer to you: The Roots, Ben Harper (sometimes), Fishbone, Black Eyed Peas, G.Love, Macy Gray. I am of course talking out of school here. Now, if this conversation turns around to cold hard metal, I shall take some but not all to school. I await your b#*$h slap, sir.
12 - Mark Saleski
brick's just jealous because Kravitz had his way with Lisa Bonet.
13 - Eric Olsen
Mark and Brick, fine choices all, but not a whole lot of rock going on other than Fishbone, which would be th eperfect fit, but I must sadly shake my head and declare one of the greatest let-downs of the last 25 years. They had one great album (EP, actually), their first, and an occasional song here and there, but a classic case of talent wasted for lack of material, and the longer they went, the worse the material got.
I loved those guys when they were teenagers rocking the Lighthouse in Hermosa Beach, have spent time talking to all of them, very cool guys, but the further they got away from ska, the worse they got. Ska was their spiritual and musical center and they turned their back on it to catastrophic result.
Harper is more alt-folk than anything, Macy is alt-soul, Roots are orgainic hip-hop, the Peas are soul, pop and hip-hop, G. Love is bluesy funk and hip-hop.
Lenny is as soulful as them all and an infintely better rocker.
14 - BRICKLAYER
Mark,
I had forgotten about that. It was lost to me in the inhalant/cheep bear/traumatic falls induced fog of what now passes as my current reality. But thank you. No, really. Now, would anybody like to place this red hot poker into me? Or perhaps tell me Bruce Dickinson has once again left Iron Maiden? *chest heaves*, *tear falls onto limited edition, picture vinyl copy of Dio's "Holy Diver"*
15 - Kurt Nordstrom
she has no business taking on the rock, and her choice and delivery of covers is as abysmal as her choice of old square boyfriends like that stiff Eric Clapton
Funny, because at that time I was thinking "The heck is Clapton doing dating somebody like Sheryl Crow? Geez, man, where's your taste?" ;)
16 - Eric Olsen
Clapton is old, fat and aritistically and personally slack - Crow is not. What happened to Lance Armstrong?
17 - Mark Saleski
dunno E, Truth and Soul is pretty fine (especially the song "Bonin' in the Boneyard")
and The Reality of My Surroundings is great from start to finish.
i saw them open for Primus one time...they killed.
18 - BRICKLAYER
Mr. Clapton was splendily hirsute and tastily cracking it in the Yardbirds and Cream, but alas, he deserves nothing but our loathing and scorn for unleashing that virulent virus on the world, known as "Tears in Heaven".
19 - David Fiore
I agree with most of the choices here Brian (I haven't heard the Duran Duran, but just thinking about such a thing makes my head hurt!)...however, I wanted to stick up for the Crow Sweet Child O' Mine! It's certainly not one of her better recordings (that would be "Leaving Last Vegas", "Strong Enough", or pretty much anything on the self-titled album, which is a masterpiece!)
Obviously, this is purely a matter of taste, but I also love Appetite for Destruction, and I'm 30, so I like to think that I'd be perfectly positioned by history to resent this version if it were truly as horrible as you say! Still, I don't find it "bland" at all, and I really like the way she "Crowed" the "where do we go now?" finale. She really makes the song her own. And I guess that might be what you're objecting to, if you think her appeal is merely decorative. I happen to think she's the most talented (the only?) mega-pop star of our time!
(who else is there--the rest of the chart-toppers are all goddamn faux-r&b starlets?) She's not Sleater-Kinney, of course, but S&K don't get on the radio!
Dave
20 - Eric Olsen
Mark, those ARE the post-debut highlights (although I see Reality as spottier than you do) and absolutely, they have always been a great live band with loads of personality, hence my heightened disappointment with their material.
Bricky, Clapton has been wildly up and down with his solo career, I like some of it quite a bit. But it is as if he mutated into a different species after the two years on heroin after Layla - he's NEVER been the same since
21 - Al Barger
Reaching back just a bit, Linda Rondstadt should get some kind of lifetime dis-achievement in covers award for desecrating so many fine artists, such as Buddy Holly and Warren Zevon. Personally, I'd probably go with her abomination of "Alison" as a special award winning stinker.
22 - Mark Saleski
dang, i really like her version of "Allison".
23 - BRICKLAYER
And, he certainly wasn't GOD! That title would surely go to one of the six string slingers in the aforementioned Maiden. Or Judas Priest. Or maybe Greg Ginn. Nobody rocked harder than Greg Ginn. Except for you know who.
I always had an aversion to that old trib Clapton. Even as a young boy, I would reach out to change the station when "Wonderful Tonight" came on the radio. Then my father would slap my hand away from the dial, curse me, and the belt would come out. Unless we were in the car, then it was the cigarette lighter.
24 - Eric Olsen
I do too - she had a fairly extended period as the finest cover artist on the planet
25 - Eric Olsen
you have overcome so much, oh arranger of earthen rectangles (actually, what is the 3-D version of a rectangle?)
anyway, I even like some of the ballads mucho, like "Let It Grow," but the preternatural depth and reserve of Jungian collective-subconscious that he tapped so naturally and prolifically leading to profligate fan deification - as you mention - appears to have been drained by said housebound monkey