Helen winced visibly. "I remember back when 'Iowa' was up for our review. Such a foul album. Too much mother f***ing and throat slitting. Well, let's get it over with. Give us the lyrics, Janet."
The sheets were handed out and the ladies started reading. They each had a paper in front of them to make notes on. Helen looked for sexual references. Janet looked for violence. Jenna looked for language. They all kept their eyes open for anything else that mothers would call "dangerous." With a red pen, the ladies worked, checking off boxes and scribbling notes.
Often the ladies knew just from the lyrics whether or not the album was a danger to the youth. Sometimes, though, they had to listen to the cd to see how things were said, and if there were additional stuff on the recording, other than what was in the lyrics.
A vote was taken. "For all those who have a decision without listening, say 'ai!' For those who need to listen before making a decision, say 'nay!'" "Nay!" "Nay!" and "Nay!"
An hour later the ladies shared their findings. Helen went first. "There was some sexual lyrics, and I'm sure you all noticed the orgasmic noises on the next to last track. However, I don't think it's enough to warrant a PA label."
Janet continued with her findings. "I remember 'Iowa,' and compared to that this is nothing. There are references to poking eyes out, and other similar violent gestures, however, they're generally aimed at themselves and not at other people."
Jenna concluded with the most shocking statement of all. "I found one case of the word 'bastard,' one instance of the word 'bitch,' and two instances of 'damn' which happened with the same sentance repeated itself in the same song. This album has cleaner language than the newest Pedro The Lion."
The vote was taken and passed. There would be no parental advisory sticker appearing on "The Subliminal Verses."
The Truth
Fires were never Absolom's strong point. He coughed as he tried to light the match, but it snapped in half. Muttering curses he tried again. Three broken matches later the fireplace crackled happily. Absolom settled into his body-forming lazy boy chair. He'd had it for years and it fit no one but himself.
Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
very strange, evocative and creative TT, thanks!
2 - BRICKLAYER
Dude, if the above is secret code for "this record is softer than a tastee-freeze that's been left out in the rain on the hottest day of the year", I couldnt be in more complete and utter agreeance with you. After the lovely Iowa, this release is too watered down, too influenced by the lead singer's lite-grunge vanity side project, and the inept handling of the sometimes impressive Rick Rubin production. With all of the supposed tension amongst the group, and the lead singer's crazy talk of how this record would be their Sgt. Peppers, I had grave doubts about what this might sound like. I'm not saying it stinks, 'coz it's a few notches above that, but with all of the directionless, attempted melodic meandering, and half hearted attempts at bringing the metal, they might as well be any of the other faceless, maskless, bands that get played on my crappy local modern rock radio station. They had better step it up for Ozzfest, because Hatebreed is gonna tear 'em a new one on the second stage this year. May I be so bold as to recommend the new discs by God Forbid, All That Remains, and Killswitch Engage for those discerning heads looking for wonderful combinations of the sweet and the crunchy? Now, Mr. Theory, howsabout a review of the new Pedro the Lion, please, kind sir?
3 - joshT- indonesia, age, 8
well, i think those people are quite wrong about slipknot beeing bad.
i picked up the music since i was in grade two and i think it was great........................................ps. all who oppose of heavy anti-christ music are motherfuckers!
4 - Alan
slipknot is a very bad do not lisn to the sliipnot.
5 - Ray
Slipknot are good and i am lame
6 - jim AGE 11
i think slipknot RULES THE FUCKING WORLD...... [Eleven year old's pottymouth remark deleted by Comments Editor]
7 - jacob AGE 13
SLIPKNOT RULES oh ya comments editor that stupid you dont block out fucking or mutherfuckers
8 - richard
alan dont a lissioan to a alan a a a a
9 - Christopher Rose
What an articulate bunch of kids you are, I'm sure Slipknot must be very proud to have fans like you.