One thing is clear: when he's not busy defending himself against statutory rape charges, R&B star R. Kelly has ample time to immerse himself in watching daytime soap operas. How else to explain Trapped in the Closet, the five-part song cycle that closes out his latest album, TP.3 Reloaded? A bonus DVD with the Trapped in the Closet longform video accompanies the CD.
Simply put, Trapped in the Closet is the worst thing I've ever heard or seen. Unlike other attempts at rock "opera" (think Tommy, The Wall or even Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody"), all five chapters have exactly the same melody. The only variations are ones of intensity based on how confused or homicidal R. Kelly happens to be feeling at the moment.
In Chapters 1-5 a bed-hopping melodrama worthy of a Restoration comedy plays out, with R. Kelly singing all the lines. It's obvious that this is supposed to be very serious, but it's impossible not to laugh at Kelly's corny lyrics or the overacting of the video's cast.
In Chapter 1, he's hustled into the bedroom closet of a woman he just spent the night with with because her husband has come home unexpectedly. I crack up every time Kelly tries to bring the following lines to a lilting conclusion: "Next thing you know a call comes through on my cell phone/I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate." Chapter 2 features Kelly giving the soulful treatment to these poetic lyrics: "He says, 'Yes,' I say, 'No,' he says, 'Yes,' I say, 'No.'" (Do yourself a favor, read the complete lyrics.)
Of course, like a daytime soap, Trapped in the Closet often falls into the "so-bad-it's-good" category. I heartily recommend that you watch the video (which has been airing in its entirety on MTV 2) because it's not all that often that you get a chance to revel in something so sublimely awful as this.
Chapters 6-10 are allegedly forthcoming. God help us all.
P.S. For a very different take on the new R. Kelly album, please be sure and read Sterfish's review.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Sterfish
Thanks for linking to my review. According to MTV.com, not only are Chapters 6-10 finished, he is filming the video(s) for them as we speak. This makes me wonder, though...just how will these chapters be released? Is R. Kelly planning another album before year's end?
2 - Henry Pollard
I think that all of the trapped in the closet songs was of the hook.
3 - tina
his music is awsome seems to me
you criticising his personal life rather than his music
leave the man alone
whatever happend to
innocent until proven guilty?
4 - tina
me again
sorry i meant critiquing his personal life rather than his music
5 - Pete Blackwell
On the contrary. I take a tiny little swipe at his personal life and then spend the rest of the time criticizing the music.
Why don't we agree to disagree on this? I did link to a positive Blogcritis review of the same material at the bottom of my post.
6 - Simone
Haters gonna hate. Whatever, when they talkin about you, they're thinkin about you and obviously Kellz is on a lot of people's minds right now. Gotta give Kells his props tho, good or bad, this dude know how to get people talkin. Keep up the good work Kellz!
7 - Joanie
I couldn't even get to the "so-bad-it's-good" stage.
8 - Tom Johnson
"Kellz"?
This had better be on Robert Burke's Worst Lyrics Of All Time list, because "Trapped" is pure tripe.
9 - Junie
Who is the chick who plays his wife in part 5? Wasn't she also in the Step video?
10 - KS
Worst. Video. Ever.
Yet...like a car crash...I cannot look away.
11 - Jimmi
Sure, it is corny and melodramatic; but I am addicted to it! It is too funny and contrived, better than any soap opera. It is always an easy thing to look at this with an arch eye; as far as R&B songs go, this is a real classic style of story/song. I have seen kids even perfrom the whole piece!
12 - s-flo
For R-Kelly fans/haters...check out this brilliant piece of work...a 'Cliff notes' take on 'Trapped in the Closet'
here
13 - Kj
To Pete Blackwell, your a dipstick, you don't like R. Kelly because of what you THINK he did so you hate on his work. Trapped In The Closet is a stroke of genius. Of course all five chapters have the same melody, their the same song, it would sound real stupid fot R. Kelly to put a different melody on each chapter. The way he leaves you hanging at the end of one chapter and then picks up where he left off is amazing. It forces you to want to listen to the whole story at once, which gives R. Kelly more money and more attention. The story he tells is so realistic that anybody can realate to it. A person would have to be dead or just dead against R. Kelly to not like Trapped In The Closet. I wonder Pete, are you in some way related to the girl in the R. Kelly sex tape? Or did R. Kelly fire you, or maybe he rejected you when you wanted to make some music with him. Whatever it is, I think you have something against R. Kelly. Let it go and enjoy Chapters 6-10 when he releases those.
14 - Nathaniel Winn
I thought the thing was a gas. However:
I guess I'm a dipstick, because each chapter did not "leave me hanging". I found each development quite predictable, until the cop in chapter 4 or 5. Furthermore, I could not relate to the supposed "realism" of the story, but rather found the story intentionally exagerrated to make a point--much like a lot of my favorite music.
(Johnny Cash never actually shot his wife, but I might know why he'd want to sometimes.)
15 - Pete Blackwell
Kj,
I have a distaste for both R. Kelly and his music. Not one because of the other, however. That doesn't invalidate my opinion.
16 - nick
aaaaaaa mothafuka r kellyz trapped in the closet is off the hizzleee
fuk all ya haterzz and whoeva wrote this review can suk ma ballzzz biatchhhh
17 - George
Hey all i have to say is he's making more money on Trapped in the closet, then your probably make in your life.. And yes it is different from the rest of the music industry.. Or is it, this is something new from the rest of the boring music industry..
18 - Pete Blackwell
Yes, life ain't nothin but (underage) bitches and money, n'est pas?
If that's how you measure success...
19 - Richie Nyce
This song and video combination was perhaps a sign the apocolyps is coming. R. Kelly has obviously sold his soul and did not get very much for it this video was the only return on his investment. I can't imagine where to begin crucifying this load of crap. The lyrics are chesey and over dramatic, not to mention most babble pointlessly. The video was horibbly acted and if R.Kelly considers this art, he should have his arms and legs ripped off and be left in a hill of starving fire ants.
20 - ScottieBoi3000
R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" is a funny soap opera, simplistc as it is. I find it entertaining for different reasons than a lot of the Kelly fans do. I find it both corny and amusing. I think too many people take this too seriously.
21 - T
Pete Blackwell, you should look at R Kelly´s work fom another point of view.
Trapped in the closet has not been crated to win an academy award or to receive the best critics, it´s just some ´good music to chill and appreciate R´s ability to convert some very simple story on something that makes you listen till the end.
Didn`t you notice how thanks to his voice, sentences like : "Next thing you know a call comes through on my cell phone/I tried my best to quickly put it on vibrate" take another dimension.
The quality of his work consists on the simplicity of the story, because he was able to convert it in something interesting thanks to his voice.
Peace
22 - Pete
you're stupid. this shit isn't serious, but it is funny as hell. i especially like the part where he says 'oh my god a rubber' and rubber echoes...
how can that not be a joke? the shit is funny as hell.
also, stop taking stabs at the dude for statutory rape. people fuck up, leave a nigga alone.
23 - Richie Nyce
My comments have nothing to do with his track record for pissing on little girls.
I highly doubt an R&B artist is going to put up the cash to create a joke song and video series. So, R.Kelly wrote, recorded, and I beleive directed horrible travesty... and actually thought it was good. The worst part is that so many people actually think its good.
24 - Mark Surfino
Apparently RK can sell records merely by doing something different from the norm for his genre... Oh, oh, oh, did you hear about the new thing RK did??? TITC is not creative, not interesting, not pleasing to listen to and not funny. It sounds like he made the lyrics up on the fly while repeating the same simple melody... TITC is a complete waste of time for RK and all of his fans... He's got some talent. Let's make him use it effectively.
25 - Kristina
Omg! i live 1-5! its awesome!! i think he did a great job at making these videos!!