From a DC area music critic (who's really funny to read), a list of things not to do. A quick sample:
- Audible and Excessive Tuning. Ya know, a good "License to Play a Show" would be to check to see if every stringed instrument player in the band has a tuner. You don't see national acts "Play the Tuning Song." [This is particularly funny to me because I think I sat in with the very band being discussed here]
- Asking me to "wave my hands in the air" or to wave them as if I "just don't care". Well, I don't care, but I will not wave my hands in the air. Forget audience participation, or at least be creative.
- Asking the audience to come forward more than once. Shy audiences do need some coaxing, but you only get one shot at asking. After that, it's just pathetic.
- Noodling between songs. Show off your skills during the songs or be quiet.
- "How's everything sound out there?" Chances are, the soundguy is doing either his best, or is doing the most he is going to do. Just play, dammit!
- Lead singers using a boom stand while not playing an instrument. God DAMN is this annoying. It just looks so bad. ...
- Not talking clearly into the mic. Virtually every local band says the following in between songs: "Mumphuhmphumuhmumph". Speak clearly and don't talk so fast. No one can understand you!
- Finally: Playing Sweet Home Alabama! Please, for the love of all that is holy let this fucking song go!
On that last one? Amen, brother, whoever you are.
Article comments
1 - Lono
As the world's finest and most astute rock critic (with due respect to the Duke), I really enjoyed your piece. It reminds me why I have skipped about 250 of the last 300 opening bands in all the concerts I go to. I understand every band has to cut their teeth and find their own way, I am just not going to pay a $5 cover through $5 beers while they hash that out.
2 - Casper
Thanks for the compliment, Lono, but I can't claim credit for it. An anonymous blogger in the DC area came up with the list; I'm just spreading it around a bit.
3 - Big Time Patriot
I have to say that when I watched Prince, while he had some amazing performance qualities (great songs, great singing, great guitar playing, decent dancing for a guy who was 40+)
the sound was awful and he did ask for waving the hands way too much and he did another thing that wasn't on your list which should be.
He kept asking for people to sing along with songs that most people didn't know the words to. VERY IRRITATING... Didn't I pay a bundle to hear HIM sing?
4 - Rob
Good advice. The other thing that bothers me is when the singer tells the crowd to "Shake your fuckin' asses". Don't piss off your audience, especially if you're an unknown to them.