Freddie Blassie has passed, so perhaps it is safe for the geeks to come out of the closet.
I don't remember seeing Freddie Blassie wrestle, but then I never cared about rassling. What I do remember is his classic record "Pencil Neck Geek". My memories of him involve listening to the Dr. Demento show with the lights out (past my bedtime). Best I can tell, this has been one of the couple of most popular songs in the decades long history of Demento.
I've come to think of professional wrestling as largely a parody or satire of cheap machismo, self-consciously so to a significant extent. "Pencil Neck Geek" pretty well makes the point in just a few minutes, and in a considerably more artistically interesting manner.
If you are one of the unfortunates who have never heard this, it's actually quite a distinctive, well-written song. It is a deliberately paced Western ballad with a strong narrative line. It even has a strong melody, and sharp hooks. The arrangement makes great parody of all the dusty cowboy lore.
Pencil Neck Geek
Freddie Blassie
Back when I was a kid, life was going swell.
Till something happened, blew every thing to hell.
That night my daddy stumbled in, all pale and weak,
Said "A woman up the block just gave birth to a geek."
Mom said, "Sell it to the circus, what the heck."
Dad said, "Nope, this one's a pencil neck.
And if there's one thing lower than a side show freak,
It's a grit eatin', scum suckin', pencil neck geek."
You see if you take a pencil that won't hold lead,
Looks like a pipe cleaner atached to a head,
Add a buggy whip body with a brain that leaks,
You got yourself a grit eatin', pencil neck geek.
(chorus)
Pencil neck geek, grit eatin' freak,
scum suckin', pea head with a lousy physique.
He's a one man, no gut, loosing streak.
Nothin' but a pencil neck geek.
Soon the geeks were poppin' up all over town.
You couldn't hardly sneeze without knockin' one down.
After a nice juicy steak, if you need a toothpick,
Just reach for a geek, they'll do the trick.
One day we cut one up for fish bait.
Learned our lesson just a little bit late.
Soon as the geek hit the drink, the water turned red.
Next day, sure enough, all the fish were dead.
chorus
Most any night you know where I can be found.
Yeah, stomping some geek's head into the ground.
So keep the faith 'cause in Blassie you can trust,
I won't give up 'til the last geek bites the dust.
chorus
They say, "these geeks come a dime a dozen."
I'm lookin' for the guy who's supplyin' the dimes.
Its gonna be real hard times for all of these
grit eatin',
scum suckin',
boot lickin',
drop kickin',
gut grindin',
nail bitin',
glue sniffin',
scab pickin',
butt scratchin',
egg hatchin',
sleezy,
smelly,
pepper bellied,
dirty, lousy, rotten, stinkin', freaks.
Nothing but a pencil neck geek
Dr. Demento always played an especially offensively funny extended version which carries on for a couple of minutes after the end of the song. As he's finishing the song, Blassie becomes suspicious of the studio engineer sitting behind the boards. Turns out this engineer is a Pencil Neck, and Freddie proceeds to execute him, with great sound effects of the guy being electrocuted.
This also inspired a pretty good answer record, "Geek's Revenge" by Don Noone.
Article comments
1 - Jim
When I first heard this song on Dr. Demento, I thought I'd die laughing. You do of course know the song was about Andy Kaughman, of Taxi fame, right?
2 - Chris Arabia
I have to take issue with this post not once describing the legendary artist/manager/athlete as "Classy" Freddie Blassie.
3 - mac
I remember how the guy effectively used a reverb so his voice had that extra mean quality- makes me wonder if Jimmy Dean's "Big John" came out the same year-lol what a great flipside
4 - Jim
The song is NOT about Andy Kaughman. Fred Blassie originally called "Killer" Kowalski (of wrestling fame) a "Pencil Neck Geek" after a match.