[Dear Maxim Editors,
Since you likely have a job opening what with the recent “incident” over your “review” of the new Black Crowes CD combined with the “writer” in question, David Peisner, throwing you guys under the bus by proclaiming his innocence to the Los Angeles Times even though his words obviously contradict him, I present a sample:]
An Educated-Guess Preview:
It’s been seven years since The Black Crowes gave listeners an album full of new music, and Warpaint satisfies that itch. The last few years of touring has knocked off the rust and this murder of Crowes is ready to slay you with the neo-classic rock sounds that have thrilled their listeners since the ‘90s. It’s a good mix of groovy rockers that will have you up on your feet and tender ballads that’ll bring out the lighters, which Crowes’ fans usually have out anyway.
[Editors, artists are much more open to the notion of receiving reviews by hacks that haven’t listened to their work when said hack is positive. You might as well give them four stars because surely no one will complain. The Crowes should be happy with the high praise, and the knuckleheads who read your magazine will be too busy, daydreaming without their pants over girls they’ll never meet, to notice. Now, if you are going to be changing your ways, I have this for you:]
A Review:
After going on hiatus in 2002 and playing live since 2005, the Robinson brothers and their cohorts deliver 11 new tracks of classic Black Crowes material as they explore their musical roots. It should satisf fans, but if you didn’t get them before, Warpaint won’t change your mind.
“Goodbye Daughters Of The Revolution,” the album opener, offers a call to “come join the jubilee” of both Warpaint and of what life has to offer. Music has a great power to remind people of what they are missing, which is why many bust “outta sawdust town” or the city to go claim what they need out of the numbered days.
There’s familiar-sounding guitar work that most writers will likely still feel the need to point out is reminiscent of The Faces and The Rolling Stones of the early 1970s, either to unintentionally reveal their age or thinking they are proving their rock music bonafides. We got it. The Crowes’ sound is stuck in time, just like that comment which has been stated since their first album in 1990. Let me guess the next pearl of wisdom. “MTV doesn’t play videos anymore.” At what point does the music become the sound of The Black Crowes? Eighteen years out, I don’t think they are dabbling anymore, and they sound good playing it.
Article comments
1 - Glen Boyd
So who you callin' old?
Besides, you forgot to mention Humble Pie.
gawddam whippersnappers...
-Glen
2 - El Bicho
I know The Faces, so we're in the same demographic, man.
3 - Pico
If I had to describe gritty, raunchy rock without comparing it to Ron Wood-affiliated bands, I'd be speechless ;&)
4 - El Bicho
As would many, many music writers who have come before you, Pico.
Imagine if The Crowes did some shows with Wood the way they did Jimmy Page a few years back. The music they make might would be so dense from Wood-infusion it would likely collapse in on itself like a black hole. Best to save the mushrooms for that night. Might be the only thing to prepare you for what's on the other side.
I still need to d-load that NMAS show, but I really liked Luther on this disk.
5 - Eric Whelchel
nice work, really freakin funny.
6 - El Bicho
Thanks, Eric.
7 - Josh Hathaway
First, you really did brilliantly nail the pathetic fraud perpetrated by Maxim. It's an outrage what they did to the Black Crowes, their readers, and journalism in general. Shit like this reinforces the band's decision not to make their records available in advance for honest writers to review and that's a real shame. This is a stain.
To the review, I'd never thought of the Crowes' ballads but you are right; they do them well.
Dickinson is a fantastic addition to their sound, Ronnie Wood comparisons or not.
8 - El Bicho
Thankfully, The Crowes outed Maxim and Peisner. It turns out they pulled the same thing on a rapper named Nas.
There are way too many lazy, untalented hacks who just spew their chum in the waters of pop culture criticism and the 'net has given more of them access. They really don't care about writing; they just want the label. They are focused on getting free stuff, making some dough, and drawing attention to themselves even though they don't do the heavy lifting required.
What's funny is incidents like this and that idiot DJ Electra from Chicago, who played the entire Icky Thump before it was released, are the ones who cause artists to turn away and say, "Screw you, we are going straight to the fans."
While everyone wants to blame the music industry for what's wrong in music today, it is just as much the fault of thieves, hucksters, and the music-buying public who have helped shaped the direction of where things are headed.
Thanks for the comments.
9 - Alesssandro
Stupid T&A magazines.
Great fun this piece.
Off to buy the CD first thing tomorrow.
NO, I do not "download" man. I buy the music. Call me a sucker.