Before starting this review, I must acknowledge that it goes against my nature to negatively criticize any legitimate charity project, no matter how crass, slapdash, and indefensible it may otherwise seem to be, and I am not questioning the legitimacy of either charity This Christmas benefits. As churlish as it may be to point out the shortcomings of such a benevolent undertaking, though, it would be inexcusable to give this album a pass on the basis of good intentions, alone.
What strikes you first about This Christmas by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John is, really, Olivia Newton-John? Is that still a thing?
And on seeing the album cover, that's her? She looks healthy, in a surgically enhanced sort of way, which is a relief after her early-'90s bout with breast cancer. But she looks nothing like the co-star of Grease or the perpetrator of "Have You Ever Been Mellow"! This woman could pass for Rachael Ray with a so-so dye job.
The lead female voice on the This Christmas sounds sufficiently Aussie and breathy to convince that, even if she had a photo stand-in, those vocals are courtesy of Olivia (and, most likely, AutoTune). And Ms. Newton-John knows her way around holiday music, as well as she does any, having released at least two Christmas albums in the past decade. Still, given both stars' appearance, we should not rule out figures from Madame Tussauds standing in for either of them on the cover.
The makeup staff were so intent on Travolta’s “Ken doll” wig remaining securely in place, they apparently not only glued that felt-cloth-looking atrocity on his head, they also conjoined the two stars’ heads. The adorable pair are so close, it would appear, they did not settle for merely tête à tête, they got absolutely ear to ear (or oreille à l’oreille).
It's impossible to tell from the photo what Olivia has in her cup, although her expression would suggest mulled wine or something lithium based. Travolta’s cup looks to be filled to the brim with crème brulee or, possibly, bacon drippings. Other related photos depict the two adorably sharing a sip from an oversized teacup (judging from their expressions, its contents also liberally spiked with lithium); her wearing a set of green antlers and hefting the giant antidepressant-cup, he in a Santa cap, ready to dive into that cup of bacon drippings again. And there's a zany shot of them in front of a hearth fire that looks about as realistic as the one on that $2 yule log video I bought, she holding a tiny gift, he with a lapful of festive presents that would be right at home in an artificial tree display at Hell-Mart, with two jumbo cups of Darvon at their feet. And in the “cute couple by the tree” shot, she still doesn’t seem to be herself, while he looks like his unseen hand might conceal a chloroform-soaked cloth he’s ready to clamp down over her mouth and nose.
Article comments
1 - Susan
Just curious why you have this as a "review" and you spend most of it criticizing the cover? The blurb above this comment box states that "personal attacks are NOT allowed," yet your "review" is focused on attacking the personal. It looks like most of your criticism of the actual music focuses on Travolta, so why spend your first several paragraphs ripping apart the appearance of Olivia Newton-John? Does it really matter?
2 - The Other Chad
@Susan I have to agree with you here. I honestly feel this is overly mean-spirited and way too focused on the cover art and appearances of the performers. The personal digs are uncalled for, in my opinion.
3 - El Bicho
Face it, there already was a Grease 2
4 - Reality Check
I'm a huge ONJ fan. I apologize that so many hardcore fans will attack you and others for having a non-favorable opinion. It's SO embarrassing the way some fans can't be objective AND let others have their own opinions. And calling you a so-called journalist or putting "review" in quotes to imply this isn't really a review, is so childish.
5 - Reality?
Hey "Reality Check" - being objective is one thing, but picking on the way Olivia looks or claiming she's been auto tuned isn't "embarrassing" it's simply slanderous.
6 - Reality Check
Ah, that's right, the golden rule: don't mention ONJ has had work done, even if you say she looks healthy (which the author did) Botox? Impossible! Fillers? Hell no! Facelift? How dare someone say that?! Interestingly the above commenters weren't offended by how Travolta's looks and singers were portrayed unfavorably, just ONJ. Biased. I love ONJ but I (and my non-ONJ fans) can tell she's had some cosmetic work done. Read the YouTube comments for I Think You Might Like It. The majority of people don't recognize ONJ and DON'T like the song...same as this author.
7 - Reality Check
Oh, and I don't think ONJ was auto-tuned at all but I don't get offended by the comment. She doesn't need defense; check out her live performances on YouTube and one can see doesn't need auto-tune.
8 - James A. Gardner
Thank you all for your comments.