From the mind of Diddy or P. Diddy or Piddy D. or whatever the hell he’s calling himself these days comes Danity Kane, a quintet forged in the reality TV flames of his series Making the Band. The girls sprang out of the third installment of the show and signed to Bad Boy Records. Their first album, a self-titled 2006 “effort,” sold a million copies in the United States but didn’t chart well in other countries where consumers have ears.
March 2008 finally saw the release of Welcome to the Dollhouse, the long-awaited follow-up to the debut. Once again the record was released by Bad Boy and once again the record snapped to the top of the U.S. charts.
An overproduced mess, Welcome to the Dollhouse is a really dreadful experience. Using the regrettable hip-hop trend of focusing on the producers instead of the actual musical act, the girls in Danity Kane simply drift to the backdrop on the majority of the tracks. Instead, it seems as though this is an excuse to feature Timbaland protégé Danja, Mario Winans, Diddy, and a selection of other big money producers.
The quintet is as tasteless as paper plates, though, and the slick cabinet of production is actually rather apt over their featureless voices. Aided and abetted by computers whenever doable, the girls fall back on overproduction to collect a feeble facade of consistency. They’re just all over the map, though, and the record sounds unbelievably slipshod. It actually made me long for The Pussycat Dolls.
Nicole Scherzinger, save me now! (Trust me; I’ve had that dream before).
Welcome to the Dollhouse’s insipidness is only balanced by its qualified incompetence. A track like “Ecstasy,” for instance, is out-and-out unlistenable because of the heap of breathy attempts at sexiness filling up the showy backdrop to the song. It doesn’t help matters that the song is four-and-a-half minutes long, which is an eternity for this drivel.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Nancy
Nice job, Jordan. Love the subhead -- made me laugh out loud. N.
2 - Tre
Wow, after reading your review I feel totally enlightened......not. Your review is really tasteless and without merit. It completely absurb for you to bash a group who's only mistake is being signed to a record label that couldn't manage newborns. You really shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. It speaks volumes about your character. Thank you & have a nice day!
3 - Ant
I am almost positive this is the only bad review I have read about the album "Welcome to the Dollhouse". Not only is it totally wrong in every aspect of the word but you begin to wonder if you even listened to the album with an open mind or went in already hating. Myself along with a million other people who bought the album will agree that this record is a BANGER and a classic. Get ready to dance because this CD will have you grooving.
4 - Sheively B.
Wow how long did it take you to find these horrible things to say about the album. This review is clearly for entertainment. I didn't expect for this group to last, but WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE amazed me. There are 2 or 3 tracks I don't really play, but the rest of the album is crazy amazing. Although the production might seem like it's overshadowing the girls, false. There are so many harmonies and their voices get showcased greatly. AMAZING ALBUM!
5 - Sam
I thought the album was very diverse in a good way. If you take the time to listen, the harmonization is incredible which some groups can't even tackle on especially during live performances. Best of all, the music is different and unique than all the other crap thats on the radio which many are wanting.
6 - Jordan Richardson
If one of the four of you can provide me with an example of the harmonization you speak of from Welcome to the Dollhouse, I'll print an apology.
One variable: the harmonization cannot sound anything like cats in heat transposed through a fan and a computer.
The gauntlet has been thrown...
7 - chris
it was a good album, better than any artificial pussycat doll track.
8 - Dan
This album is fantastic. Also it's obvious you looked into Danity Kane because you already assumed the second single's video direction. It also seems that you didn't even listen to the album as you ONLY comment on the first ten seconds of each song. As you state, Ecstasy, Strip Tease, and Lights Out feature as you state "breathing exercises" which ONLY in the first ten seconds. Funny. Please write your reviews on other sections of the song rather than just the beginning or first ten seconds. But your other reviews are great.
9 - Jordan Richardson
I didn't assume the second single's video direction. I used the press release.
Also, it's completely off-base to suggest that I ONLY listened to the first ten seconds of each song. I wish!
I actually listened to the whole album about three times in a row, as I always do with the albums I review, and went back again for a fourth listen after I let it all sink in.
You're also incorrect when you state that the songs "only feature breathing" in the first ten seconds, as in many of the songs on the album - and not just the ones I happened to mention - the "breathing exercises" are actually woven into the production and into the backing music of the songs.
You're welcome to have your own opinions about any of the albums, movies, books, etc. that I may happen to review. I hope you do. But please do not assume to know my process and then proceed to critique my review based around your presumptions.
Thanks!
10 - Sheively
Jordan, here's my idea of harmonization, here's an acapella version of DAMAGED, if that's not harmonization then please school me. THESE GIRLS CAN ACTUALLY SING, obviously one part is computerized to make the ARE-ARE-ARE-ARE- you effect, but the harmonies in that song are amazing.
11 - Jordan Richardson
First of all, I wouldn't say they were amazing harmonies. My standards might be rather high, though. To me, the song sounds stilted and uneven and the harmonies, while existent by default, aren't particularly compelling. When I think quality, AMAZING harmonies I think of The Everly Brothers, Indigo Girls, The Beach Boys, The Marvelettes, The Supremes, etc.
Now naturally I don't expect Danity Kane to live up to any of those groups or my high standards, but I do expect your sense of "amazing harmonies" to perhaps operate on some sort of sliding scale. Right now you don't have too much credibility.
Second, that version of the song isn't from Welcome to the Dollhouse. This review, and my request, is from the album and not any subsequent live performances, acoustic performances, acapella performances, B-sides, or what have you. I'm looking, specifically, for harmonizations from the album I reviewed.
Third, and I won't spend much time on this, but the use of computerization in what is described as an "acapella performance" just goes to demonstrate where the scale is in terms of harmonization and this type of fluff pop music.
I realize that the Danity Kane apologists really want everyone to like the album and find it amazing, but in my view that's just not going to happen. You don't need my approval to like the record, do you?
12 - Margo
These girls definitely know how to harmonize and do a live show. Their albumn is fantastic. Try listening to the albumn again with an open mind. Maybe then we will accept your apology. This is my favorite group and I am picky. Oh and by the way their was a nasty review at one time about Mariah Carey and look where she is at today.
13 - Jordan Richardson
Margo, there are nasty reviews about all sorts of singers and performers. But reviews are just that: reviews. It's one person's opinion and that aspect of criticism needs to be understood more clearly.
There is no good reason why I should stray from telling the truth as I see it in terms of the music or films I review. I don't critique things to be positive and to ensure that my reviews simply follow the crowd. I critique things to be honest and to offer ONE opinion: mine.
Take it or leave it, that is your right. The content of my reviews or the manner in which I critique is not swayed by whether my opinion will be "well liked." If I aimed for that, I wouldn't have an open mind for the material.
As for the critique about my not having an open mind listening to this record, I'd ask that you refrain from making such presumptuous statements. I suggest you look at my reviews throughout this site and see the variety of music I cover. I think you'll see that I have no innate bias against a particular type. I even gave a fairly favourable review to the latest Mariah album and quite like Britney's most recent.
As far as your (or "we", if by "we" you mean the famished buffalo I referenced in the last line of my review) acceptance of my "apology," I have to express my utter confusion of this remark. I said I would apologize for being mistaken about HARMONIZATIONS existing on Welcome to the Dollhouse.
I'll be honest: I'm being rather ridiculous and facetious when I say there aren't any on the entire record. I know there are. I just don't think there are any amazing ones and, as I said, any "harmonizations" that don't sound like cats in heat through a fan and the computer. That was my challenge and that was why I said I would apologize if someone shows me how I've erred in my evil Danity Kane-disliking ways.
As for now, I'm going to let the DK fanatics have at it and go about the fairly popular business of telling me I didn't listen to the album or telling me I don't have an open mind. Because both of these critiques are false, I see no reason to continue granting them a response. Valid, balanced, honest critiques that discuss my criticisms of the album in a fair way will be addressed.
14 - Jordan Richardson
Sheively, I've had the chance to listen to the Youtube clip you provided about five times now. The computer-assistance is evident on more than the "are-are-are" portions of the song. In fact, computer effects are notable during just about each long note, which is a problem when one is trying to assert a song as acapella or acoustic. Anyone with a trained ear who listens to the clip will instantly be able to pick out the use of technology and a "sweetener" to boost the performances in the song.
Again, I'm not suggesting that they can't sing. I'm more or less concerned with the fact that they don't sing well on the album.
15 - Margo
I have went to see Danity Kane on two separate occasions. I paid quite a bit the second time. This included going to another city, a motel etc.
Guess what? It was definitly worth it. I would definitely do it again. Not only can Danity Kane harmonize well together each one can sing and dance which makes for a fantastic show. both of their albumns I absolutely love and listen to on a regular basis. Try listening to this albumn again with an open mind. Maybe then we'll accept your apology.
16 - Christopher Rose
Reading some of the comments made by the fans of DK makes me feel ill. Clearly they know very little about music and almost nothing about art.
DK are fine generic light entertainment fodder but no more than that. Their work is in no sense a classic. If you think it is amazing you must live in total isolation and no nothing about pop let alone music; similarly it isn't unique at all. Finally, it simply isn't possible to use the words picky and Carey in the same sentence.
Some people clearly need to get out more...
17 - Ben
Danity Kane >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Jordan Richardson
But then again, I'm just saying.
18 - Christopher Rose
So you're just saying that a pop group means more to you than a reviewer? Thanks for that contribution, it's bound to be one of the highlights of my day.
19 - Tom
Sooo Jordan.. are there ANY modern pop/r&b female singers that you like?
20 - xxxxxxxxxxx
JEALOUS FUKER U SHOULNT EVER DO REVIEWS