The only way to review a compilation like this without giving it shorter shrift than it deserves (okay, I may be overstating things) is to go song by song, artist by artist. Don’t ask me where I’m getting the energy for such an endeavor, but oh well. Maybe I’m hoping this will some day be a definitive work in the arena of crunk, written by a lost poet who’s not even sure he knows what the hell crunk even is, and maybe that’s for the best. Let’s proceed.David Banner – "Play"This is the infamous “work that c—t, girl” song, with the guy whispering the hook (not to be confused with the whisper song) with the memorable quarter bar “beat it like Mike when he effed Billy Jean.” David Banner is an interesting case. For every great head snapping joint with nice production and solid lyrics he puts out, he squirts out a balladistic sappy yet dirty crappy love/eff jam. And this one is a bit unique in his repertoire 'cause it’s squarely in the middle of the two genres. Okay, it’s not unique. He’s done this song in similar forms, but this is the “that one” that gets the most pub. Anyway, it’s okay, and you’ve heard it a million times.Three 6 Mafia – "Poppin my Collar"I Love that these guys won The Oscar for best song for that pimp movie a couple years ago. I love that three black guys dressed in head to toe d.e.m.o. gear with giant gold chains and platinum grills, stood up in front of a crowd of duck suit clad automaton and metaphorically popped Chris. Yet they did it with such non "eff the system" class. That song was the shit, too. This is not that song, but it’s a good one. These guys are infectious. They’re not reinventing the wheel, but almost everything I hear from them I like.Webster feat. Young B – "Chicken Noodle Soup"Not sure if it’s Webster or Young B starting things off, but he’s telling me I already know who it is. I don’t. And then there's a female voice saying "let’s get it" 80 hundred times and then "chicken noodle soup" 80 times. Hmmm, tuning out, major tom, help, I’m lost, this song. Is. Bothering. Me. Let’s, uh, not get it. Crapola soup is more like it. L’Trimm meets Lil’ Jon’s mustachio’d evil twin, and not in a good way.E-40 Feat T-Pain & Kandi Girl – "U and Dat"Hmm. It’s hard for me to be objective about anything to do with E-40. Even though I have quite a bit of respect for his rapping skills, slanguage, and business acumen, not to mention his role as the godfather of hyphy, I am faced with the small problem that I have been quoted more than once as saying I hate him and can never forgive him. But water goes under bridge and makes it’s way to the ocean. So I will at this point say that, fine, E-40, you’re forgiven. It’s cool, really. My last tiny bit of vengeance will be to say nothing more about this song, which is actually pretty good.Akon feat. Styles P. – "Locked Up"Ah, the “I’ve been locked up” song. Actually a nice hook. I like Styles P, too. You know, the guy from the Lox. Man, now that was an outfit with unlimited potential (tha Lox) that just never came to even a near proximity of what could have been. Individually, I mean, yeah, Jada puts down nice stuff here and there, and this guy, and, uh, that other guy. But if memory serves correct, they sounded nice together, notwithstanding Puffy hollering stupid shit every 27 seconds. I guess Akon is the guy singing?LL Cool J feat. Timbaland – "Head Sprung"LL Cool J. Jesus Christ. The ultimate chameleon, er, the ultimate Madonna of the rap world? Wow. This guy just sticks around like glue, somehow finding ways to stay relevant. This song is catchy, nice hook, keeps you moving. Well, that’s on Timbaland.
"A sinister cabal of superior writers."
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