Listening closely and repeatedly to this album may have been good penance for my sins, but it has not revealed to me even ONE decent hook- much less interesting melodic development, interesting lyrics, or even just a guitar solo. Even 50 Cent manages to conjure up a few basic simple hooks. With her money and backing, surely she could hire someone to write at least a half-memorable song. I'd be hard pressed to think of another multi-platinum album with less memorable songwriting.
"We Belong Together" particularly puzzles me by its popularity. Besides being mundane lyrically and instrumentally, I'm still having trouble remembering how the song goes even while I'm listening to it. In theory, I can maybe a little bit see how there's a certain skill in making those big flows of meaningless words work out on the beats and such, but it's like praising the skillful application of condiments on a poopie sandwich. It'd take a lot more than some Grey Poupon to make this turdburger taste good.
As I've found myself saying frequently lately, back in my day even the crap was better. Olivia Newton John also made shallow breakup songs for silly teenage girls, but unlike "We Belong Together" -much less the even less distinguished songs on the rest of Emancipation- at least "Please Mr Please" had a memorable tune. It was pretty shallow, but at least it was catchy.
She's got a couple of workaday vanilla dance floor call outs, "It's Like That" and the imaginatively titled "To the Floor." There are a couple of characterless breakup songs, such as "We Belong Together." There are a couple of pedestrian hookup songs.
She's pretty much just laying there. She can't even fake being interested in the trick. Come on, now. You're on the clock here.
As her bought time draws to a close, she tries to throw in a little bit of her old school histrionics, but it's too late. It just ain't happening.
Your money's on the dresser, baby. I'm done with you.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - jetro sakh
If you think KD Lang is great and call her music "real" it's impossible for you to know why MC's album is great. There is something wrong with your brain.
2 - Neo Gantz
Your review (bashing) is so unfair, I doubt if you even listened to her CD with an open mind.
"Your money's on the dresser, baby. I'm done with you." You cant really be done wth her if you never been into her in the first place. Who are you trying to convince here ? MC's "MASIVE" fan base? I think not.. because as you can see we went back even after the glitter fiasco....
3 - ihateoreilly
Al..you and I may not agree about Madonna, but I am liking you more and more. My dog sings better than Mariah Carey! She's nothing but a glorified dog whistle.
4 - claire
Wow......I thought that was a really good post. Yes, harsh but i think its so true. Like many teenagers of 'that time' I thought Music Box was a wonderful album - you could hear strong pretty vocals not her raspy pathetic attempts at being sexy that she does nowadays. And Jetro, there is an obvious difference between KD Lang and Mariah Carey...KD Lang has never pimped herself out to the music industry and also has never had to tell the world about mental breakdowns because her music is a joke! Mariah Carey has ruined herself. She wont even use her real legs on an album cover because she is just NOT about the music. Take a listen to KD Langs 'ingenue' and listen to a real music artist.
5 - John
Let me see. You reviewed the album but your comments doesn't move beyond one song. Instead, the rest of your "review" is spent on negatively Mariah's personality, image and dressing style. What a fair view and critique of the "album".
Beyond your admittance that you went into it unfair, you critique in general is lacking any substance on exactly what is should be critiqing, the songs on the album, construction of the album, relevance to the style of music it is claiming, vocalizating and musical character.
I also find it interesting that you having an obvious biased against her, would comepare her Rnb/Pop music to that of the more folky/country sound of KD Lang and June Cash. Its obvious that you have a preference for the latter style of music. Why even bother to review an artist you have a dislike of or a style of music you have little interest in? Couldn't resist the feeding opportunity eh?
I would expect a review to compare the work to other Rnb singers or current albums out today, not 4 or 5 paragraphs spent on bashing Mariah image.
Anywqy, you are entitled to your opinion. Lets all thank God that it is relegated to this miniscule site and isn't half as relevant as the multitudes of critics that are considering this as one of the best albums of the year as well as some of her best work to day. But of course you would like to think that your opinion is superior to theirs.....
6 - John
Jesus. I just realized that I hit "post" before completing the correction of my grammer and spelling. Please ignore as I cannot re-edit.
sorry.
7 - Craig Kurtz
Pretty funny - and true. Do NY queens dig her yet, that's the last spot before the professional graveyard, isn't it? I bet Cher is SO jealous it hurts!
8 - Al Barger
Ew Craig, NY queens? Ouch!
Ihateoreilly, I dig. I much prefer the sounds of my coon dog Rouser under my window baying at the moon. Much more musical. My cocker spaniel house dog Hobo ran from the room everytime I played the Mariah Carey.
By the way, I pretty much dig Madonna, at least up through the Dick Tracy album. I ought to do a write up on that classic.
John, "your comments doesn't move beyond one song." Did you just not read past the first couple of paragraphs? I made some effort to describe the songwriting and melody- which is really tough to do with something this indistinguished.
By the way, who are some of these critics who supposedly like this turd sandwich? She would generally be considered one of the most reviled modern singers among critics.
And no, I'm NOT going to limit her to being compared to a very narrow genre of current r&b singers. What, you think I should say that her album's not quite as crappy as Linday Lohan, so it's pretty good?
Look pal, this crap is THE biggest thing on radio this year, and one of the biggest selling. The industry is pimping out this nonsense mostly to younguns what don't know anything about music. The kiddies, however, could just as easy be listening to KD or Aretha or the Supremes.
9 - Someone
This review is a big piece of CRAP. There's nothing interesting in it.
10 - Temple Stark
Pretty harsh - and I can't agree. Here's my earlier "real time" review of the album - which I bought.
Most of Carey's earlier work was boring to me and there is actually greater meaning to some of these songs than with most of her hits.
And Johnny Cash is in my top 10 and June Carter Cash no doubt will be as soon as I get around to listening to more of her solo wrork.
11 - Chloe
Blogs. What a wonderful creation. Or a horrible monster that has become a juggernaut for wannabe writers such as yourself to make themselves feel important. Do you think that just because you have a silly blog on an obscure site that internet obsessed zombies will read is REALLY important?
NO. I agree with the fact that you can't be done with someone if you've never been into them in the first place.
It's obvious to me that you're an insecure soul who wishes to bring some sort of attention by reviewing albums by artists you have no interest in. You also need to find a better theasarus because you repeatedly use the same words. Whore whore whore whore...prostitute. Could it be you secretly love her? It's interesting you use sexual attacks on Mariah. People hate in others what they hate in themselves. Perhaps you know that you're the whore for selling yourself to a blogging site. You're whoring yourself out to other people in exchange for the "celebrity" and I use that term loosely.
Go find a hobby...like making quilts. Stop thinking about Mariah and think about yourself...damn that's depressing isn't it? That's why NO ONE writes blogs about you. There's nothing to say.
Could it be that you really hate yourself? Well do everyone a favor and go punch yourself in the mouth.
12 - Chloe
You know what? You just keep on hating Mariah.
I just saw the picture on your...uh...*coughs*..."site".
If you actually take yourself seriously then I can't say anything else. I'm laughing too hard.
Anything you write is a joke after seeing that picture.
Good luck with the blogging. Ha.
13 - Al Barger
Just for the record, I do NOT hate Mariah Carey. She might be a real fine gal if you got to know her. I don't know much about her private life, nor particularly care. My beef with her is purely professional.
This is corporate whore music if I ever heard it. It makes Styx sound like the Sex Pistols.
If you think I was crappy about corporate whore stuff with Mariah, wait till I get in a bad enough humor to review Coldplay. Ha!
14 - Bob A> Booey
This is a stupid, pointless discussion.
This is Mariah Carey we're talking about. She's done the lightest, most commercial pop music since her career began as the bride of Tommy Mottola.
What principles and underground integrity did she have to sell out?
She's a chick pop diva and one of the biggest bimbos you've ever heard if you hear her in interviews talking about her fans as "lambs" and "butterflies."
Hell, she names her albums "The Emancipation of Mimi." This is not an intellectual or a radical we're talking about here.
This is like criticizing marshmallows for being too sweet and not having any nutritional value as food.
Senator Al Barger, always taking on the hard topics and skewering those sacred cows that no one else has the courage to assail in their criticism.
That is all.
15 - Yeahwhatever
ok, well i really think the article is bloody harsh. But yeah she maybe a little wacked out sometimes with the things that she does, but of course anyone would after been in the spot light for so long.
But guys, your comments mean nothing, count the records she has sold, she is the no.1 selling female artist of all time.
And to come back from her last two pretty much flop albums, is pretty amazing to do, to reinvent yourself and follow it up with two major hits (it's like that, and the worldwide number 1, we belong together and album @ no.1 in many countries) she has done what some artist couldnt or cant.
Yes she is a diva, but who isnt? if she doenst do the silly things that she does like fly her personal trainer around the world for her then who would the papers/magazines write about.
She has done a great job and she will continue to do it,
16 - ihateoreilly
Mariah is NOT the biggest selling female artist of all time. That's one of the reasons I hate her so much. Streisand is, by far, the biggest selling female artist in America, and Madonna has sold about 5 times as many records as any female act has worldwide. Even if Mariah WAS the biggest selling female artist of all time, her statistic are not legit. Most of her "16" number one songs were actually songs that bombed so bad at radio that her record company pimped them out for 49 or 99 cents. When Billboard heavily counted single sales in the 90s, Mariah took advantage of this. Her music appeals to the lowest denominator of humanity. When Mariah last went out on tour, she bombed completely. She downsized large venues into small venues and couldn't fill up those. She's a corporate pig who slept with the head of her record company.
17 - Aaron Arguelles
YOU'RE COMMENTS ARE ALL HORRIBLE TO DESCRIBE MARIAH AND HER MUSIC. BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS FOR YOU. YOU NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO BE EMOTIONALLY AND PERSONALLY INCLINED TO MARIAH'S STUFF OVER THE PAST YEARS. BUT I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, ONE BEST THING THAT I REALLY "LOVE" ABOUT MARIAH'S WORK REGARDLESS OF MUSICAL TECHNICALITIES IS THE WAY I'VE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THE STORY IN HER PERSONAL LIFE, IN HER STRUGGLES, IN HER CAREER (TOO MUCH TO SAY WHEN I AIN'T GOT THE PERFECT WORDS) THAT I'VE BEEN ABLE TO RELATE WITH HER HEARTACHES, HEARTBREAKS, FAILURES AND ALIENATION. BUT ALSO ONE THING I THINK I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO RELATE FROM HER IS HER SUCCESS THROUGH IT ALL. THAT'S WHY, NO MATTER WHAT HARSH COMMENTS I HEAR OR READ FROM EVERY BODY ELSE, WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT YOU SET YOURSELF AND YOUR MINDSET RIGHT AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO THE WORLD. I JUST LOVE IT WHEN EVERY BODY DOES NOT AGREE WITH ME AND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ME, 'CAUSE THAT'S ONE THING THAT'S COMMON BETWEEN ME AND MY FOREVER IDOL, MISS MARIAH CAREY!!! THANKS FOLKS!!!
18 - Loida
An very huge and successful artist like Mariah Carey has to go through ups and downs of her career to know her status as a professional artist. And besides, what all these people have just been doing all their life is to make value judgments on the persons they considerably dislike. Whatever it is, the facts and figures have already revealed, Mariah is the best-selling female artist of all time and she still has a lot of time to become the all time most successful artist. Let's see!
19 - Loida
Favor, Al Bager, why don't you review Jennifer Lopez's "Rebirth" album?
20 - Al Barger
Oh Loida, you think I won't? Give me a few days though to get ringing of this record out of my ears. A fat dose of Porter Wagoner should cleanse the palatte.
All these comments analyze Mariah Carey's sales figures, as if that meant anything. I concede by the very title of this article that she's certainly one of the biggest selling female recording artists in history.
Yet STILL her record sucks. The fact that it's selling so prominently only makes the sucking worse by making me have to keep hearing it.
21 - Jay
you know what? all said and done , it doesn't even matter what some insignificant Al or whatever says. eventually mariah needs to prove herself only to her fans coz she is in a place where everything is secure and needs no proving! seems to me like this guy who wrote that very biased review of the 'album '..( well more so about mariah, the person who might have resembled his very perfect ex girlfren who dumped his ass!!) without even knowing a bit about her music or about her as a person . yes ,may be she has done up her image . but her fans love her with or without. so whats it to you,dude! just go and drink some water,man!!! whoever you are! remeber what you say means nothing to anybody nor is it gonna scrap anything away from mariah. so the only person who is a corporate blog whore is you!!!!!
22 - Al Barger
Jay, you flatter me. Would that I had a girlfriend who looked like Mariah Carey to get dumped by.
However, I must strenuously object to your assertion that I know nothing of Ms Carey's music. I made myself listen to this entire crappy record carefully four times, and the main hit several times more. Thus, I have paid the cost to say that I know this album.
23 - aaron
your honesty with being biased is meritable, however your supposed review is not.
if you ARE listening to a totally different kind of music, maybe it's best if you to just leave it alone. i would never listen to polka music and i wouldn't even think twice to review it.
i know you're not a fan, but calling her a "corporate whore" is a bit too much. no matter who you are: the cute, u2, kd lang ... you are still a corporate whore no matter how "indie" and how unconventional your music is. if you truly are in it just "for the music" then you would be singing karaoke at home in private or the least a local cafe. (not starbucks, you poser!)
is it not her nature to write and sing the music she enjoys. if she decided to sing obscure songs that don't relate one bit about herself in order to please critics and her record label, then that would truly deem her into a corporate whore.
i know you're not a fan and you're not listening to any of the positivity she tries to display, but she said in a couple of interviews that her favorite song is the last track, "fly like a bird." she put that song last, hoping that someone who may have bought the cd for more "club-driven songs" can listen to the last song and walk away with something that has a message.
that to me, is the definition of being genuine. which separates her from "corporate studio artist" into a dare i say, "human being."
24 - Al Barger
OK Aaron, I concede that Mariah Carey is a human being- a human being who makes crappy records.
My "admission" that my review would not be "fair" was a bit facetious- that it's not fair to compare Mariah Carey to real music.
"Corporate whore" mostly refers to the exceptionally overt crassness of the commercial calculations in the creation of the product. You're supposed to want to please an audience. Then there's generating an album by focus group design, or whatever utterly soulless process it is that they do to come up with nonsense like this crappy album.
25 - Judge Poody
"I'm still having trouble remembering how the song goes even while I'm listening to it."
LMFAO you seriously have some issues. Just from reading that comment alone. Stick to listening to your own mediocre music. You don't see Mariah fans reviewing The Cure, KD Lang and Johnny Cash albums, beacuse they don't care. Well.... nobody does. :-X