She can't even fake being interested in the trick. Come on, now. You're on the clock here.
I immediately concede that this review will be unfair to Mariah Carey, in that I've been steeping in real music. After spending the last month immersed in a real singer like KD Lang, and a just plain real human being like June Carter Cash, how could I talk myself into liking an empty corporate whore such as Mariah Carey? I admit that I'm not equal to that task.…
Article comments
— go to most recent comments26 - Bob A. Booey
For the last time, it's PALATE. One T, not two. Don't use cliched expressions if you can't spell them right.
That is all.
27 - TeamLamb
Welcome to TeamLamb, an organized team of Maria Carey fans. Our purpose is to keep Mariah, the biggest female musical icon of all time, on top.
Unfortunately, the no-talent slut, Madonna, is still being referred to as the “Queen of Pop,” even though her most recent album, American Life, and her Reinvention Tour have really made her the “Queen of Flops.” Madonna used to be successful, but that’s because she slept her way to the top. Mariah, on the other hand, has sold millions of records based solely on her amazing talents and being a great role model.
Mariah has had sixteen number one singles. Her last two number one singles, “We Belong Together” and “Heartbreaker” have broken worldwide records everywhere. Mariah’s most recent Charmbracelet tour was a critically acclaimed smash that played to millions all over the world. Roger Friedman, a well respected music journalist, called the concert one of the greatest he’s seen in the past ten years. Mariah is, indeed, the biggest musical sensation since the Beatles.
Within the next couple months, Madonna will try to take away Mariah’s crown by releasing “Confessions on a Dance Floor” along with the single, “Hung Up.” There seems to be a lot of buzz , but most of it seems generated by Madonna’s desperate, pathetic fans. TeamLamb will do everything we can to make this project a flop for Madonna. We will organize by calling radio stations and telling them how much we don’t like her new songs, write letters to several magazines and confirm that she is, indeed, over, and spread negative messages about Madonna on several Internet blogs.
We will soon have an Internet site, but to instantly become a member of TeamLamb, please send an email to TeamLambMimi@aol.com. You can also dedicate money for my site through Pay Pal (use my email address as the account). It’s going to be a busy autumn with the old, aging hag, but we will bring her down!
28 - Bob A. Booey
Either that's really brilliantly funny satire or really disturbing. Either way, hilarious! Keep up the fight, TeamLambMimi@aol.com. Smoke em out.
That is all.
29 - Al Barger
"Mariah is, indeed, the biggest musical sensation since the Beatles." Oh brother, are you ASKING for it.
30 - SSM
Billboard and record sales do not lie. You put an awful lot of effort and fluff verbage into your "critique" of an artist you do not like.
Opinions are like a**h*les, everyone has one.
31 - Jennifer Rombi
You're such a sad human being.
It's fine if you don't like an artist, but as you can see many other people do.
Who are you to say that you're the one with good tastes, and the rest have crappy tastes?
32 - ryan
You're an asshole.
You have NO TASTE WHAT SO EVER.
I don't get how loosers like you can think they know better than the 250+ MILLIONS of prople who bought her music.
You need a REAL life.
I don't know any whore who's worth 300+million of dollars.
She's laughing all the way to the bank.
Broke ass looser.
33 - ryan
What does Mariah has to offer?
Read your review (HATE SPEECH), you you'll se what she stands for.
Her message has always been VERY CLEAR on songs like, Make it Happen, Hero, Butterfly, Through the Rain, Fly like a Bird:
"Beleive in yourself and don't later haters take anything away from you".
After the glitter debacle, and the beating that she took from mobs of haters such as yourself telling her that her carreer was over, she came back bigger than ever.
Now, not only she sings about self determination, but she's proven that she sings the song and she walks the walk.
34 - Kabir
You know, I really think your review of this album is unfair. Maybe you need to like the GENRE of music in the first place. Considering you listen to KD Lang, I take it hip hop and R&B aren't exactly the areas of music you derive pleasure from? Anyway, "We Belong Together" is a beautiful song. Granted, the No. 1 spot on Billboard has had its share of trash (Usher, Carrie Underwood lol), but this is the real deal. Also, this is the first album since Aaliyahs' last one that I am able to listen to without skipping a track.
Don't hate the genre though. Its very vital and some of us really enjoy it, just as much as you seem to like slow music by boring dykes with horrible haircuts.
35 - p
if you actually wrote with some
objectivity...maybe you would convince
a few idiots out there.
real classy!
36 - Al Barger
Q: "I don't get how loosers like you can think they know better than the 250+ MILLIONS of prople who bought her music."
A: I listen to to the record good and careful several times, looking for anything worthwhile. Being Mariah Carey though, no such luck.
Some of y'all here are awfully damned lazy, what with all variations of insisting that I obviously supposedly just don't like r&b or whatever genre you're placing Carey in. No, I just don't like THIS crappy excuse for tunes. On the other hand, Prince is the berries, and then there's my beloved Macy Gray. Literally just a few seconds to click through to my MoreThings archives would give you a clue.
Then again, if you're really into Mariah Carey, you probably wouldn't know what to do with a clue if someone bought one for you.
37 - SSM
Macy Gray- now, there's a class act. Every public appearance she's made since she was 'on top' (no whore reference intended), she's been either so drunk or drugged up that she can't even talk, let alone SING.
Prince- can't say anything bad about him as an artist. BUT for your information, Mariah Carey did a cover of a Prince song on an earlier album so apparently Prince must think she has some talent to allow her to cover one of his songs.
38 - uao
Actually, Prince doesn't have to "allow" anyone to cover his songs. I could cover one myself and you could too, so long as we paid the royalties due to him.
Macy Gray is the best thing to happen to r&b since the 1970's.
39 - Al Barger
uao, RIGHT ON! Macy Gray so totally RULES!
40 - SSM
You do need permission from an artist to cover one of their songs plus give them royalties.
41 - Al Barger
SSM, you're just flat factually WRONG. After a song has been published for the first time, ANYONE can cover it. They have to pay royalties, and you have to have permission "synchronization rights" to use it in a movie or ad, but a simple audio performance is absolutely fair game.
42 - Eric Olsen
great title Al, and you sure stirred up the partisans.
SSM, you do not need permission to record a song, just pay royalties as Al mentions
43 - Al Barger
Thanks Eric. In a certain sense, I really enjoyed this album. Sometimes I start out to write a scathing review, but find that there's a little of something good to it- thus I have to temper my criticism. I want to slam on Christina Aguilera, for example, but I would have to concede that "Beautiful" is pretty good.
This album, on the other hand, just so totally blows that I feel license to unload with both barrels. Feels good.
Of course, our visitors are pretty much welcome to write whatever kind of comment responses they want. However, I suggest that it would be not just nicer, but more relevant and interesting for incoming Mariah partisans to write testimonials about what they see in this record rather than silly insults against me. Even if you came up with photographic evidence proving that I'm a no-good pig humper [Hey, how'd you get that picture?], that still wouldn't mean that Mimi is any good.
44 - SSM
If you don't need permission to record another's song then what is the purpose of a mechanical license? I know this is a bit off the original subject but it'd be nice to learn something from all this jibber jabber.
45 - Eric Olsen
good point, but I thought it was a goat
46 - Mark Saleski
i'm no Mariah Carey fan, but still...you DO know that there have been some really good r&b artists who've put stuff out since the era of al green and aretha?
ps. Macy doesn't count because she's not all that far from Aretha, really.
47 - Al Barger
PS Macy certainly DOES count, cause she's making the best r&b records going.
Moreover, I don't see much close comparison between Macy and Aretha. They might be VERY broadly similar, in that Macy tends somewhat to the old school. That would that old school what believes in SONGWRITING rather than whatever it is you want to call this Mariah Carey foolishness.
Despite having attended the same school, so to speak, I've never heard anything from Aretha that sounds even vaguely like "Happiness" or "My Fondest Childhood Memories."
There may be other r&b singers working today with more supposedly up to date techno beats or whatever, but there ain't any of them that are making records in a league with Macy.
48 - todd
MARIAH DOENST CARE CAUSE SHE IS 2 BUTIFUL TO WORTY ABOUT THE HATERS SHES LIKE THE DOG AND THE BUTTERFLY SHE KNOWS SHE HAS TO FLY CAUSE TONY MOTTOLA COULDNT KEEP HER IN A CAGE SHE KNOWS WHAT LOVE CAN DO AND SHE NEVER STOPS
SO STOP YER HATING AND LETS ALL LIVE TO GETHER AND DO WHAT WE CAN AL
49 - Eric Olsen
Memo to Island Records: next Mariah album title, 2 BUTIFUL TO WORTY
50 - swingingpuss
Al great review, this post gets my vote for the editorial pick.
Mariah's video was a blah but that black dress made quite a statement
51 - Bob A. Booey
Oh hell no. How easy is it to pick on Mariah Carey for being a corporate whore?
He doesn't say anything about her music either.
Al doesn't believe in living together and being happy, Todd. Are you so dense that you are unfamiliar with the VIRTUE of SELFISHNESS, Mr. Todd? There are many mansions in my father's estate, but none for someone who wishes to push the PINKO notion of community and social interaction upon me.
TO BUTIFUL TO WORTY :) I love it.
Geekarific, which is the highest compliment. You are tickling my funny bone today, oh captain my captain.
That is all.
52 - Sister Ray
Bob, if you like Al so much why don't you marry him?
53 - Mark Saleski
...because then he'd be Bob A. Booey-Barger!
54 - Mark Saleski
but seriously, people on the same level as Macy:
Lauryn Hill
Erykah Badu
Les Nubians
India Arie
Me'Shell NdegéOcello
55 - ryan
to cover Prince, you better get his permission or he'll sue.
He hates people to covere his song even when it's not illegal.
Alicia said that when he heard she had covered him, he got his lawyer to tell hers he'll sue.
But then, when he heard the song, he changed his mind.
So if MC didn't get sued, he liked what she did.
+ he owns his own cataloge, so to cover his song on a commercial CD, you DO need his permission.
56 - ryan
"Moreover, I don't see much close comparison between Macy and Aretha. They might be VERY broadly similar... "
What the f*ck is wrong with you people.
They have NOTHING in common
Aretha CAN SANG
Macy CAN NOT
You're a looser who only seem to care about "hasbeens" and "neverwas".
Sorry if what I'm gonna say sound racist, but you are the reason why rednecks should NEVER give their opinion when it comes to R&B.
That is a musical genre that you obvioulsly DON'T GET.
Just check her reviews in every r&b and hip hop magazine (commercial or underground) they average 4stars 1/2.
Get a clue!
You're just hating cus you were among the one rijoicing thinking her career was over, and now she's the best selling CD from a female artist in the past 2yrs.
She already sold 5.2 million worldwide and she's still in the top5 ww and in the US after 17 weeks.
Her cd is still sellin 100k a month and she ain't going NOWHERE so get used to her.
Seems like you'll see her at EVERY SINGLE award show comes christmas.
You're just a hating BROKE ASS REDNECK
57 - Al Barger
Well Ryan, yes that comment sounds racist because it just absolutely IS. What, you have to have some special black gene to understand r&b? I'm to assume that you're of African descent, and thus have special authority on the music? Puh-lease. And if you think that Mariah is good singer and Macy isn't, then I must challenge your listening skills. Was you dropped on your head as a child, or what?
Macy is an outstanding composer, and someone in there is a great arranger and producer. But most of all, Macy Gray is one of the singingest chicks on the planet. She's sort of a female Ray Charles with that velvet rasp thing. She's brilliant.
I don't begrudge Mariah Carey making a living. I'm glad she's rich, and I hope she's happy as a person. More power to her. Nonetheless, professionally speaking, her records BLOW.
Plus, you clearly are misinformed about basic music law. You absolutely do not have to have permission to cover a song once it has ever been published. Any schmuck might THREATEN a lawsuit because he doesn't like the way you comb your hair, but it wouldn't get far. Just because you can afford lawyers doesn't mean you can just make everyone do your bidding.
58 - uao
Nothing redneck about me either, and I dig Macy Gray. What's up with the Macy Gray haters out there? Kind hypocritical to pounce on someone for their thoughts on one performer, and then turn around and insult another performer in the same breath. And an entire race of people.
Maybe it's a black thing and I wouldn't understand, but I never really understood what skin pigmentation has to do with music appreciation. However, I do know what ignorance has to do with skin pigmentaion: nothing. Ignorant comments come from all colors of the rainbow. Calling anyone with white skin "redneck" is pretty ignorant. I doubt you enjoy ignorant people calling you names, too.
As for Mariah Carey, all you fans out there ought to feel free to click that album link and stuff her pockets with more cash.
59 - Al Barger
Monsieur Saleski- India.Arie, YES! I'm particularly big on "Promises." This was used very effectively to end a first season episode of The Shield, with a shot of slippery Vic Mackey ending the show as India sings "A man's only as good as his wo-o-ord."
60 - Mark Saleski
ah, here's another one i couldn't remember last night: Angelique Kidjo
61 - Mark Saleski
and also Leela James. her latest cd is in my "to review" pile. quite good.
62 - Al Barger
Todd [comment 48], you're pretty clever, ain't ya? You did that cheesy idiot dippy teenage fan profundity thing so good that I was taking it straight until I saw your return address in my email. Fished in! Two points for you.
Mark, Thanks. I'll have to be looking for these gals.
63 - Mike
If you look at The Emanicpation of Mimi's page on Amazon.com, you will see that there are 736 reviews, and that it has an average rating of four and a half stars. Now unless all those 736 reviews are from Mariah fanatics, I'd say that's pretty good proof that the majority of the people who bought the CD loved it and (gasp) disagree with you. You want more proof? The following albums also have hundreds of reviews and a four and a half star average:
Greatest Hits
Mariah Carey
Butterfly
Music Box
Daydream
Rainbow
Emotions
Charmbraclet
Merry Christmas
MTV Unplugged
There are only two that don't, The Remixes and Glitter, and even those have a four star average. Also, real critics have called TEOM her best since Butterfly, which is quite a compliment considering Rainbow and Charmbraclet also recieved mostly positive reviews. You say you like Macy because she's a "SONGWRITER". Well, I've got news for you. Mariah wrote the lyrics and co-wrote the music to damn near every song she's ever sang. Macy's hit single record and album sales speak for themselves.
In conculsion, Al, I'm not trying to bash you. I'm merely saying that your weak attempts to discredit Mariah and her music are sad and low. You're certainly entitled to your own opinion, but next time Mariah releases the biggest album of the year, kindly keep it to yourself.
64 - Al Barger
Mike, perhaps you misunderstand me. I do not especially wish to "discredit" Ms Carey. I proclaim your basic point that this is a huge hit starting with the very title of the review.
But are you saying that hit albums are above criticism? If it's a hit but I think it sucks donkey balls I have a social obligation to shut up?
Nay, I say. I'm on a crusade for Moorish dignity. Mariah Carey must be put to the lash, post haste!
65 - Mark Saleski
Mariah Carey must be put to the lash
i'd pay to see that.
66 - ryan
"That would that old school what believes in SONGWRITING rather than whatever it is you want to call this Mariah Carey foolishness."
Sorry, you insinuated that MC did not write her song.
Not only she wrote 90% of her songs l by herself.
But she coproduced all of them because she is a "melodically driven writter", as she expolained in Oprah in 07 that means that everytime she writer a sentence, it comes to her attacehd with the melody.
She can't do just 1 or the other.
Therefore, even tough she merely participated in the production of the instrumental she is still a coproducer.
And you're the hypocrite. You're the one who started with the personal attck, just because you don't like MC, you don't need to have all that lexic about her being a whore/a corporate whore....
She's a human being and a strong women who's been through the worst possible type of ridicule during the glitter era and still succed in making it through.
She's a soldier and an inspiration for that.
A lot of people turned to drug for less (e.g Elvis, whitney...)
She deserve respect even from jalous critics.
67 - ryan
And NO.
Pigmentation as nothing to do with r&b.
Jon B is a great r&b singer and has good taste.
But CULTURE sure as to do with it.
If you grew listning 90% of time rock or country, you have NO CLUE what good r&b is.
Same for me, I mostly listened to hip/hop and r&b, to me hard rock (metal or whatever the nae is has NO SENSE WHAT SO EVER). Even that "Kurt Cobin is untolerable to my ears.
The only rockers I like are Aerosmith and Bon Jovi.
Therefore you'll never catch me writting such a hateful and jugemental review on a rock artist cus I admit I just don't get what the hell anybody would like in that stuff.
I'm sure you don't like beyonce, justin Timberlake...
And that's your right, but leave your high horse, you are NO Truth teller.
68 - ryan
Please, stop dissing Ray Charles, he has nothing to do with macy gray.
That b*tch doesn't have a "velvet rasp thing", she simply CAN NOT SING.
She has no power and the rasp that you're talking about is due to her alcohol and drug abuse, nothing else.
She is a sad exuse for a mom or a women.
I can't understand how can anybody have ANY RESPECT for that junkie.
On the other side MC is a srtong black woman who made it against the toughest odds.
69 - Al Barger
Ryan, just for a second, I started to feel bad about trash talking on Mariah with the corporate whore stuff. As Elvis once said, I almost had a weakness.
Then I put the damned album on again. I'm subjecting myself once again to Mimi. Feel my spirit of artistic contempt rising again. I think I'ma write a column on the all time worst contrived corporate rock. Bet she'll be on it.
Now, I absolutely did not intend to imply that Mariah does not write her own songs- not that there'd be anything wrong with having outside songwriters. What we have here is failure to communicate. That's not what I meant.
It's not that she didn't write the songs, it's that she didn't write GOOD songs. Indeed, if she got some top drawer songwriters to give her more interesting songs, she'd probably make a better record.
She wrote melodies, granted, just not very interesting or memorable ones. I'll give you that these are better songs than, say, RATM. For what it's worth, you could not entirely unreasonably argue that having melodies at all puts this album above average on the chart at this point. This is probably better than, say, anything I've heard from The Game.
Again, my beef is purely professional. I ain't mad at her. I'm glad that she's successful in the business. Good for her, and good for you if Mimi does it for you.
But I need to wrap up and post this. I was just recovering from listening to this crappy record a couple of days ago when I wrote the original review, and now I can feel it shutting down my valve again. The Mariah mynx must be put to the lash.
70 - Al Barger
Ryan, why you insist on hatin' on Macy? Are you jealous because she gets so much more musical respect than your preferred pop tart?
Notice how I oh so carefully refrain from cracking on her private life, speculating about her Mottola marriage or other things that I don't know about. It would be nice if you showed similarly angelic restraint.
You need to PLAY NICE.
71 - Geek
"I listen to to the record good and careful several times, looking for anything worthwhile ..blah blah blah.."
Idiot. stop your blah blah shit. go ..go and fuck britney.. and sing with her .."I love Rock and Roll..".
and if thats not enough, cry hoarse over KD and jack off on your own..
btw,
just to ask you.. were you recently dumped? ..he haw..no wonder "we belong together" seems SHIT to you.. and she a corporate whore..
he haw haw ha.. chutiya.
72 - John
I'm surprised that with the massive crop of Rnb artists out there over the past 20 years, you selected Macy Gray as the best.
Macy Gray? even over current artists like Erykah Badu, Alicia Keys, Jill Scott, India Arie, Musiq, R Kelly, D'Angelo, Faith Evans...?
Macy Gray? Are you kidding me?
Wow. If that doesn't put a dent in your supposed credibility then I don't know what will.
I just find it interesting that you would review an artist you have no interest in whatsoever, or a style of music you don't activily follow or even like. My suspicion here is that you got exactly what you intended. Exposure for you blog.
Knowing how vapid and aggressive most Mariah fans you knew you would get a massive amount of visits and comments. I won't be surprised if this is your most visited or most commented blog ever.
Anyway, your review does come across very biased and highly inflammatory which doesn't help with any other valid points you made about her music or the album.
Obviously Mariah is not the best singer in the world or the most artistic, but most critics and the public alike would rank her in the top 5 female vocalists certainly of our era, if not all time.
While a good number of her songs are disposable, you would be apt to discredit her artistry for writing all her songs (even some very goods) and co-producing all her works that have led to one of the biggest chart and commercial successes of the modern era.
I do think that Mariah is a particularly driven woman when it comes to commercial success, which may have driven a lot of her earlier material and caused a very mainstream sound. But to call this album "crap" in any objectable measure really diminishes your writing as a "journalist" or whatever you are.
Anyway, good luck with this. Hopefully you next album review generates this much interest......or you may have to wait another year for some new Mariah Carey works to slander.
You could always do a post-review of her earlier albums, you could have a field day with "Glitter". Hey, even I might join you on that one.
73 - MAF
Damn!! Is it possible to review
something without being so venemous?
I do not really like her album
either, but like Mariah as much as
I do KD Lang. As an African and a
gay man all this crazy judgement
from the west amazes me!! Yes KD
is a FAR more respectable artist,
but you have to understand where
Mariah's style is coming from.
She is chanelling
great black super sopranos like
Minnie Ripperton, Denise Williams,
and so many other great gospel
sopranos. That style of singing
that Mariah is doing is a black
invention. So many talented black
women have gone to the highest
reaches of the vocal register
before Mariah made it a main-
stream thing.
I love KD because
she is true to herself and the
epitome of an artist. But Frankly
Mariah Carey is just as talented
in her corporate crazy ass (yes
I think she's a nutjob, but it
just makes her more endearing) I
want to please all sort of way.
I know I am
going to get alot of hate for my
opinion , I am bracing for the
nigger/faggot/African responses,
but the fact is Mariah/Minnie R.
, Macy/Billie Holiday , and
KD/Patsy Kline are all talented
women with completely different
styles.
Peace to All
74 - Al Borland
Al, you call her a whore? Do you even know what a whore is? It takes one to know one, and it's more than obvious you aren't getting laid. Seriously... look at this guy.
75 - ryan
How can I envy Macy Grey?
I didn't even know she was still doing music to be honnest.
Since her 2nd CD flopped big time, i havn't heard from her EVER.
More respect than MC in the music world?
1st, i'll doubt it
2nd, "Mariah Carey, however, has nothing to say beyond "buy my album.""?
What about macy who wears a dress to an award show and begging people to read the words on her ASS saying
"my album is out on sep..., Buy it"
How is that for being the ULTIMATE corporate whore.
yOU'RE ACTING LIKE SHE CHOSE TO BE UNDERGROUND, SHE'S UNDERGROUND BECAUSE she doesn't have the choice.
The people massively rejuected all her flops.
3rd, nobody cares about what a small group of "elites" think. Mariah has been chosen has the greatest voice alive by millions upon millions of people in the whole world.
4th, As Paula abdul says: Nobody grows up wanting to be a critic.
You most definitly sound like an disullusioned singer who couldn't make it.
All that: "and the squealing away in a high register with patently fake waves of vocal orgasms. She might as well just name an album Oh Baby, It's So Big!"
was not necessary.
We (mariah fans) can take constructive criticism, but all that hate was NOT required.
What goes around comes back around