In the October issue of Blender magazine, embattled R&B singer R. Kelly - who was indicted last year on child pornography charges - now compares himself to the reclusive terrorist Osama bin Laden.
"People can say whatever they want about you without knowing the facts," says the R. "They can criticize you without even knowing you, and hate you when they don't even know you. All of a sudden, you're, like, the bin Laden of America. Osama bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through."
Not really, pied piper. You see, Osama is in hiding because he knows that our President, George Bush, wants his old-ass dead. As for us, we just want to cut your balls off.
"I have three to four years' worth of work you've never heard in the vaults. I've come up with at least 20 to 25 albums."
That's good to know. So when you get sent to prison for child pornography; and you're getting cozy with your cellmate Bubba, Jive Records can release one album per year for the next 25 years. Hey, that's not a bad deal!