New York, NY, April 1 2005
Tired of being slavishly imitated by legions of marginally talented singer-songwriters, music legends Joni Mitchell, Ani DiFranco and Tori Amos announced at a press conference today that they are forming a supergroup called The I's Have It. "Yeah, we'll be making some music," DiFranco explained, "but the main purpose is to try and put a stop to the endless hordes of clones. For this group I'll be writing and singing sweet love songs about how unfulfilled I am unless I have a man."
Amos, who is travelling in Europe and attended the press conference via astral projection, will be abandoning her piano for the accordion and singing her favorite gypsy and klezmer tunes. "This won't exactly be the Tori you're used to," said Amos through an interpreter. "For one thing, I'll be answering only to 'Spacey Spice.' Ha, it's like the little people in my head. Wait, I think they're in your head. Anyhoo, we're just so sick of people imitating us that we thought we'd bust up our images a bit. Take that, you stupid bloody girls. God, I'm sick of those damn sensitive piano-playing girls. Blimey!"
The group and tour was the brainstorm of Ms. Mitchell, whose famously antagonistic relationship with the music industry has led her to abandon the stage in recent years. Appearing at the press conference dressed in a pink fur bikini and gold go-go boots, Mitchell explained that she won't be singing or playing on this tour. "I'm just sort of the slutty eminence grise," she explained. "I'll be doing the suggestive dances, chain-smoking, and throwing paint on the audience." Raincoats, added tour promoter Mick Gustavsen, will be provided for spectators in the front rows.
For more information, contact M. Gustavsen at Happy Pants Entertainment, 212-555-GRIN.
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Article comments
1 - Rodney Welch
I hate starting something halfway interesting only to realize it's another idiot satire.
2 - Eric Olsen
more fiber, Rodney, more fiber
3 - Mark Saleski
Spacey Spice....heh. good one!
4 - DrPat
Great advice, Eric - remember, Rodney, with enough fiber, "this too shall pass..."
5 - Temple Stark
jeez DP :-)
I thin it will happen. I have faith.
6 - Temple Stark
:-)
--- attended the press conference via astral projection
7 - PRobinson
Didn't get me with this one...however, on April 1, 2003 I DID fall for one that announced that Tori Amos was going to star in an updated Movie version of "Mary Poppins"...it had a face shot of Tori pasted on top of Mary Poppins from the original movie...said Sony was going to back it and even had possible co-starring roles filled. This was not bad, though...definitely worth a few chuckles...
8 - PRobinson
Of course, it IS my birthday today...
9 - Tristan
Tori and her good little catholic girls with their pretty panties~~~
HEY!
why do little girls put guppies in their panties?
so they'll smell like big girls ........
i luv the way tori amos sits sideways on her piano bench facing the audience- at her live concerts- grinding her crotch against the bench in time to her playing and singing...........
she DOES astral project often ya know ......
10 - Natalie Davis
ani... not fulfilled unless she has a man? the satire was great save for that part. perhaps if that line had been given to joni or tori. satire works best when it has some grounding in reality, though, and i can't iMAGine ani di franco saying something like that.
11 - Victor Plenty
Ani might never say such a thing in earnest, but might say it in the fully reasonable expectation that it would stop any of her current fan base from imitating it.
12 - Natalie Davis
one might hope.
13 - Coke
Joni was never a hippy chick or a weird dresser. I can't imagine her dressing less than conservatively. Chain-smoking, yes, but I think that maybe the author was mixing her up with Laurie Anderson or somebody, needed another female singer with an i at the end of her name.
14 - Jon Sobel
Well, that was part of the joke. A lame joke, perhaps, but there you go.