In one of the press releases for Exist, you noted that people have to have a test before they can have a testimony. What do you consider to be the ultimate test in your life or career? And what particular testimony do you wish to share with the world?
When I was 17 years old, I went through a few years of depression because my father died. I had a hard time grasping the fact that I could not get him on the phone anymore. The darkest days aside from that would be during the days when people were not hearing from me, knowing I had this music that I wanted to share and I couldn't get it out. That was a dark time. When you look at the side of me being a Grammy winner, having a fan base, having sold records, toured all over the world, having a point where my name is mentioned to other artists with respect – you have all of that and at the same time, you're like humanly invisible. When people don't see you, they tend to think you're not there really. It's that "out of sight, out of mind" thing.
Those were all elements that definitely bothered me, but in that time when you really, really want to share your expression and you don't have the proper way of doing it, it leads to a lot of things. That's how the title of this record, Exist, came about. I heard all kinds of rumors. I heard rumors that I was dead. When people don't see you, they think of crazy stuff.
Once I came upon making the record, I got to reflect on all these things that I had learned in this period of time. I reflected on when I first got in the business. I was 21. I had a lot of potential in regards to what I could do musically, creatively. I was only responsible for feeding myself. Over a period of time, you have more responsibility. I had a wife at the time and my children, my father, my brother. I went from not being able to take care of myself to taking care of a few houses. I went from not having a car to having one or two cars for myself. Also buying a car for my mother, contributing to her life or whoever else that was there that needed help.
I think the time when you sell your soul is when you find yourself having to do these things that you love to do and you're doing it to pay the mortgage or pay the car loan. At first you did it because you loved to do it; it was for the expression. I didn't do it for myself. I make records to share with people. As long as you keep that in perspective, you'll be okay. When you get to a point where you're on the stage performing because you have to make the mortgage – it's not supposed to be that way. It only truly gets that way when you start acquiring things. The next thing you know, your lifestyle's complicated.
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