“I've got this camera click, click, clickin' in my head,” said Elvis Costello in “I’m Not Angry.” These following songs, f-stop at f-off, offer up some cherished memories of put-downs and general piss-offedness. Here are my Kodak moments:
11. “Waitress In The Sky” by the Replacements. A mild enough rebuke, perhaps, but I’ve had my own share of problems with stewardesses, too--so this time it’s personal:
Sanitation expert and a maintenance engineer
Garbage man, a janitor and you my dear
A real union flight attendant, my oh my
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky...
10. “Reelin’ In The Years” by Steely Dan. See you in September...then again:
You been tellin' me you're a genius
Since you were seventeen
In all the time I've known you
I still don't know what you mean
The weekend at the college
Didn't turn out like you planned
The things that pass for knowledge
I can't understand.
9. “Holiday In Cambodia” by the Dead Kennedys. It may have been more of an extended weekend at the college, but real life still has its rude awakenings:
So you been to school
For a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
In daddy's car
Thinkin' you'll go far
Back east your type don't crawl.
Play ethnicky jazz
To parade your snazz
On your five grand stereo
Braggin' that you know
How the niggers feel cold
And the slums got so much soul.
8.“Stupid Thing” by Aimee Mann. She makes me feel like shit:
Maybe that's just how I am
to fall where I stand, or I'm
weak for that kind of man
one who looks helpless and brave
but you turned into a coward
I don't care for the parts you saved.
You stupid thing.
7. “Parting Gift” by Fiona Apple. Okay, at least we’re good for something, but I still feel like shit:
Oh you silly stupid pastime of mine
You were always good for rhyme.
7. “Mercury Poisoning” by Graham Parker. Spittle virtually flies off albums like “Squeezin’ Out Sparks” from the trenchant relationship attacks. This time around, Graham aims at his old record company--but hey, nothing personal. Right?:
For them it's inconvenience for me it's hell
The geriatric staff think we're freaks
They couldn't sell kebabs to the Greeks, the geeks
Inaction speaks, and …
…Is this a Russian conspiracy, no it's just idiocy
Is this a Chinese burn
I gotta dinosaur for a representative
It's got a small brain and refuses to learn
Article comments
1 - Al Barger
You come up with some groovy examples. The problem is that it's so much territory. You ought to do just a Dylan put-down list, or definitely an Elvis Costello put-down list.
You got me, too. From the title, I came charging in with "ABC News" thing to add- and you beat me to the punch. Good show!
2 - Scott Butki
Wait, Wait you left out "You're so vein!" which is a well kown insult song
3 - Temple Stark
vain -- but you probably think this comment is about you :-)
4 - GoHah
Al--good idea about specializing--would focus things more. And thanks--I pride myself on my Costelloiana, or some such sic stretch of the concept.
Scott--good one, but there was a lot of good ones I had to put on the back burner, which is why Al's approach might've been a better way to go (and still might be a go)
5 - GoHah
Temple: Well skinny ol' Mick Jagger (one of the rumored subjects, and back-up singer on the Carly Simon song) is as vein-ey as he is vain.
6 - Baronius
Positively 4th Street - Bob Dylan
I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes/And just for that one moment I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes/You'd know what a drag it is to see you
I don't even think that's the nastiest line in the song. It's just a series of insults without any real expanation of what the target did to deserve them. It's fun because they're not broad social critiques; it's just dumping all over someone.
Excellent choice with "Brilliant Mistake", especially the first three lines of the sample quote. There's another Lennon song, something about school, that was remade by Tin Machine. Very caustic. If I were awake I could suggest a Simon and Garfunkel song that's equally nasty, but I can't think of it right now. Good topic.
7 - Barry Stoller
No, way too conservative.
Better:
"The sign that leads the way
The path we can not take
You've caught me at a bad time
So why don't you piss off."
- New Order "Your Silent Face"
"Getting rid of the albatross
I know you very well
You are unbearable."
- PiL "Albatross"
8 - GoHah
Baronius: I opted out of Positively 4th St. at the last minute mostly because I had it listed recently in a "top closing lines" list. "Working Class Hero," the Lennon song, was considered. If you ever think of that Simon & Garfunfel, let me know--it sounds like refreshing change of pace for them.
9 - rob
Here's another great put down from Aimee Mann's "How Am I Different?", although I'm not sure if she's putting herself down more then the potential partner.
"And just one question before I pack--
When you fuck it up later,
Do I get my money back?
I can’t do it
And as for you--
Can you in good conscience even ask me to
Cause what do you care
About the great divide
As long as you come down
On the winner’s side"
10 - GoHah
Barry: Mine's the "boring old fart" edition. But I like the New Order mostly for the title, and I can see how Lydon's snarl can make his rather prosaic words only seem less "conservative."
11 - GoHah
rob--your Mann suggestion is much better than mine. I'm kicking myself.
12 - ClubhouseCancer
Elvis-wise, I've always been fond of every last spitting minute of "How to be Dumb," but especially:
I guess that makes you a full time hypocrite
or some kind of twisted dilettante
Funny though people don't usually get so ugly
'til they think they know what they want
13 - Rodney Welch
I've never found "Brilliant Mistake" all that brilliant -- especially that ABC line. It sounds juvenile. Costello was at his most truly bilious in his early discs. After that, it became a bit of an act -- and yes, I'm including "Tramp the Dirt Down." I also think he's at his most sharp and pointed when the anger is turned inward.
14 - GoHah
Clubhouse: "How To Be Dumb" was, as you probably know, about and directed toward former Attractions bass player Bruce Thomas, who sealed his dumb doom by writing a thinly-disguised tell-all novel, pretty much worth a full look-see:
I was hell-bent on destroying my powers of concentration
While you were living like a saint
And all the time the very one you trusted was washing off
somebody else's paint
Now you've got yourself a brand new occupation
Every fleeting thought is a pearl
And beautiful people stampede to the doorway
of the funniest fucker in the world
They're here to help you
Satisfy your desire
There's a bright future for all you professional liars
CHORUS
Now you know how to be dumb
Are you ready to take your place in the modern museum of mistakes?
Don't you know how to be dumb?
Like a building thrown up overnight in one of those reverse earthquakes
They emptied out all the asylums, they emptied out all the gaols
The "New Bruise" was the name of a dance craze
By "Jesus Cross and the Cruel Nails"
Followed up by "Torturing Little Beaver"
With their contraption of barbed wire
Between the fear and the fever lies all the rejection they require
They'll be howling by midnight, they'll be drooling by dawn
Skulls shrunk down to the size of their brains
Heads shaven and shorn
CHORUS
Trapped in the House of the Perpetual Sucker
Where bitterness always ends so pitifully
You always had to dress up your envy in some half-remembered
philosophy
Now you're masquerading as pale powdered genius
Whose ever bad intention has been purged
You could've walked out any time you wanted but face it you
didn't have the courage
I guess that makes you a full time hypocrite or some kind of
twisted dilettante
Funny though people don't usually get so ugly 'til they think
they know what they want
Scratch your own head stupid
Count up to three
Roll over on your back
Repeat after me
Don't you know how to be dumb?
Are you ready to take your place in the modern museum of mistakes?
Don't you know how to be dumb?
Like a building thrown up overnight in one of those reverse earthquakes
15 - ClubhouseCancer
Yeah, and it's always been amazing, to me, that Elvis lacked the self-awareness to realize how egostistical this (admittedly great) song really is. I mean, only a collossal narcissist could imagine this kind of nightmare scenario -- complete with drooling zombies -- resulting from a soon-to-be-forgotten novel by his bass player.
I know it's supposed to be about Bruce, but I always imagined it would be a great song to sing to an ex-girlfriend who was a TV network executive.
He really sings this one great, too, absolutely straining that voice amazingly. I think Mighty Like the Rose is really quite good. "So Like Candy" is a huge fave of mine.
16 - Al Barger
CC, double check on "So Like Candy." An underappreciated gem.
17 - GoHah
"So Like Candy"--one of the songs written with Paul McCartney
18 - Baronius
Gohah, now that I think about it, "Working Class Hero" is more raging against The System than actual insult.
Has anyone mentioned "You Oughta Know"?
19 - gonzo marx
"All you read and
Wear or see and
Hear on TV
Is a product
Begging for your
Fatass dirty
Dollar"
"hooker with a penis" - Tool
"you can't be somethin' you're not
be yourself
by yourself
stay away from me"
"Respect" - Pantera
Excelsior!
20 - GoHah
"You Oughta Know"--good one overlooked
21 - Temple Stark
I guess I didn't mention - superb post GoHah. Considering it's you*.
No one's even ventured into the Rap field yet.
* For the humor-impaired, meet humor.
22 - Max Burke
"Idiot Wind" is certainly the biggest put-down song of all time. But you definitely missed out on the rap genre - it's an entire put-down culture unto itself. And no put-down songs list is complete without a Morrissey or Smiths song!
23 - GoHah
Max: Smiths/ Morrissey's drolly witty put-downs are definitely worthy. Here's a line not really all that savage but one I thought was one of the most memorable:
Nothing's changed
I still love you, oh, I still love you
...Only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love
24 - Mike
Queen - Death on Two Legs
You suck my blood like a leech
You break the law and you preach
Screw my brain till it hurts
You’ve taken all my money
And you want more
Misguided old mule with your pig headed rules
With your narrow minded cronies
Who are fools of the first division
Death on two legs
You’re tearing me apart
Death on two legs
You’ve never had a heart of your own
Kill joy bad guy big talking small fry
You’re just an old barrow boy
Have you found a new toy to replace me?
Can you face me?
But now you can kiss my ass goodbye
Feel good are you satisfied?
Do you feel like suicide?
(I think you should)
Is your conscience all right
Does it plague you at night?
Do you feel good feel good?
You talk like a big business tycoon
You’re just a hot air balloon
So no one gives you a damn
You’re just an overgrown schoolboy
Let me tan your hide
A dog with disease
You’re the king of the ’sleaze’
Put your money where your mouth is
Mister know-all
Was the fin on your back
Part of the deal? (shark)
Death on two legs
You’re tearing me apart
Death on two legs
You’ve never had a heart (you never did) of your own
(right from the start)
Insane you should be put inside
You’re a sewer rat decaying in a cesspool of pride
Should be made unemployed
Then make yourself null and void
Make me feel good I feel good
25 - David
Nice list. I was thinking of Positively 4th Street, but I see that's already been mentioned. Jethro Tull's "Thick as a Brick" also comes to mind.