I’m the retro music chick, which means, by definition, I don’t subscribe to the modern music scene. But sadly, I also have to go to the grocery store (the retro music chick makes a mean lentil soup) so I am often subjected to the radio. And occasionally, I like what I hear, so I’ve compiled my list of the top four songs of 2006 — these songs have the substance of something old, with the freshness of something new — and in #2’s case, as always, something inherently blue.
1. “Starlight” - Muse. Black Holes and Revelations wasn’t as good as Absolution, (despite what my friend Mike says) but this track inspires what the other songs lack — a sublime sense of purpose and an intricate sort of love. This is the kind of music Muse is meant to make. (Black Holes and Revelations)
2. “You Have Killed Me” - Morrissey. Mozzer and I have an abusive relationship — he will always crank out neo-angsty crap, and I will continue to listen to it. Ringleader of the Tormenters is the wankerific follow-up to 2004’s You Are the Quarry, which manages to boast two great singles while still being one of the worst albums I’ve ever heard. “You Have Killed Me,” however, captures the delicate balance of the greatest Smiths songs — the overly happy Marr-esq guitar melody interwoven with lyrics which totter playfully on the edge of emo. Sure, it’s just “These Things Take Time,” but that’s a great song — why not make a sequel? (Ringleader of the Tormenters)
3. “Breathe” - Anna Nalick. There is no end to female pop stars plucking out vaguely emotional lyrics over synthesized guitar chords (Kelly Clarkson, anyone?) Since Michelle Branch and Vanessa Carlton disappeared from the scene, radio ladies have lacked any semblance of depth. Until now. Simple, a little dippy and not the least bit innovative, “Breathe” still remains a strong pop hit. I grit my teeth, but listen over and over again.
Article comments
1 - Al Barger
It's an unfortunate lapse of judgment that you would pick one of the very best songs of 2005 - James Blunt's career-making hit "You're Beautiful" - as one of the worst of 2006. However, your Gap rant was beautiful itself.
2 - IgnatiusReilly
It's a complete lack of judgement to pick James Blunt's career-making hit "You're Beautiful" as a best song of any year. Writers of Hallmark Cards thought the lyrics lacked depth.
3 - gblover
Gin Blossoms rule :)
4 - Michael J. West
Thank GOD someone else recognized "You're Beautiful" as the caterwauling pity-party that it is! Now, to make sure that my wife never reads this comment.
5 - Retro Music Chick
Now that I think about it, "You're Beautiful" might be the worst song ever written. Even worst than my previous Worst Song Ever, which was "Christmas Shoes" by Newsong.
6 - Tom
Album of the year indeed! I had been waiting for the release for months and it is even better than I expected - great blog - keep it up.
Tom
7 - Retro Music Chick
I can't say enough about Tom Waits. My boyfriend bought me "Blood Money" on vinyl for Christmas and it's better than any diamond.
Thanks for reading, and be sure to check out the daily version
8 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
"You're Beautiful" comes close, but I still think the worst song ever written-- scientifically proven, I believe-- is "Sometimes When We Touch (The Honesty's Too Much)" by Dan Hill.
I agree about with the Tom Waits accolade,too.
9 - duane
That is a bad one, Gordon. I'm also aware of the scientific tests to which you refer, and there's something you might not know about them (I have connections).
Late one night, as the tests were continuing in an underground laboratory in New Jersey, 20 music experts were all hooked up with electrodes to obtain measurements of their physiological responses to 50 songs that were nominated as the worst ever.
The group had just finished up "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block, and Number 16 on the list was "I Love the Nightlife" by Alicia Bridges. Less than 30 seconds into the song, 12 of the experts had ripped off their electrodes and run from the building, 4 had passed out, one went into what seemed to be some kind of epileptic seizure, one began screaming that she had been possessed by Pazuzu, and two died of unspecified causes. The physiograms were incomplete, and, therefore, deemed inconclusive. The song was stricken from the list and replaced by Aqua's "Barbie Girl."
So, there it is. I claim that "I Love the Nightlife" is the worst song ever recorded.
10 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
Facts are facts, so I stand corrected. I am also reminded of SCTV's parody of "I Love the Nightlife" as sung by a be-sweatered Perry Como, portrayed by Eugene Levy in an especially comatose state("I love the nightlife, I love to BOGIE..").
Oh gawd, now I have that song running through my head...
11 - Retro Music Chick
I may have to do a whole column on the worst songs ever! I wrote a final paper on such atrocities in college, but it might be time to update.
Jan 04, 2007 at 11:37 am
Gordon, Dave Barry wrote that when Dan Hill sings "Sometimes when we touch," it sounds like he's having his prostate examined by Captain Hook.
Speaking of awful mellowness, check out my commentary on the worst album ever made over at the Mix Tape Blog:
12 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
You've said what I felt for awhile now about the 4 songs that you labeled as worst of 2006. But, Hey what do I know...I'm only a Metalhead:)
To quote a Guiness commercial, "Is that a spoon in your eye? Brilliant! Brilliant!"
I would have to say that's how I would feel if Justin Timberlake was being eaten by a Werewolf.
"Is that a Werewolf eating you? Brilliant! Brilliant!"
13 - Michael J. West
Horrible as all the songs mentioned in these comments are, they can't be the worst song ever...they are all hit songs to some degree or other. Which doesn't mean they're not awful, it's just that I have personally isolated the worst hit song of all time here.
And since all these are hit songs and are not the worst hit song, they are thereby excluded from being Worst Song Ever.
14 - Retro Music Chick
Hit songs ARE the worst--because they're EVERYWHERE. Some cruddy local band doesn't have NEARLY the power to torment as say, Justin Timberlake.
XOXO,
Libby
15 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
You have a good case, Michael, for "Once You Understand," and I suspect things won't get a little easier upon repeat playing.