Going to a goth club? Are you lean and pasty, spiked, lipsticked, and eyelined? That's fine, but you have to know how to dance:
- You went out to your local goth club in your black velvet frock coat, your hair teased up bigger and rattier than Edward Scissorhands', and lace dripping from your wrists and throat. You looked fabulous. But as soon as you got on the dance floor, everyone started laughing — eventually, they had to toss you out of the club for being "deleterious to the proper level of angst."
You need to learn to dance gothic.
It's not that hard; just learn these simple moves and soon you can blend in with all the other spooky individuals on the dance floor at your local batcave. After all, for such an individualistic crowd, it's kind of surprising how goths all seem to use the same moves. Maybe it's something encoded in the Goth GenesTM rather than just lack of originality...
All difficulties and Goth Ratings are on a scale of one (pathetically easy or ridiculously non-gothic) to five (tragically difficult or stylishly uber-gothic).
Washing the Windows
Put your hands in front of your face or maybe upper torso, elbows bent at about a 45-degree angle. Your palms should face away from your body, and your arms, wrists and fingers should be very loose. Now make swirly motions with your hands — the usual is circles going outwards at the top and back in towards the center of your body at the bottom, but some people just wave their hands around seemingly at random in a vertical plane in front of their faces. For maximum goth effect, the rotation of your circles should be a little out of phase — one hand should reach 12 o'clock in its circle a little bit before the other one.
Article comments
1 - gothy MC gothpants
the way the goths were streotyped is enough to make me throwup and die. you make goths sound like messed up emos. No originality? what about preps? what about jocks? what about emos? they all dress the same, if anything goths are the most individual and DON'T dance, they mosh or beat the stuffing outta the others and the others fight back. Do some actual reseach or better yet, try being goth for a day. What was described here was a scenester at best (not that you would no about that klick either). Goths are dying and loosing the war too emos and scensters because of people such as yourself that are mis informed and now its more goth to be a metal head than an actual goth. Frankly i don't want to walk out of the house everyday cladded with leather or excessive jewelerly and piercings with a retro band shirt all while getting weird looks. As for the everyday is halloween comment, cut the crap. Some extra chains around the pants and black as a main color being a refered to as a simple game of dress up is the worlds outlook on any goth. Next time lay off the typical "norm" outlook and give some half-useful info.
2 - michael
Amen to the last comment
3 - nsm
You don't really even hear the term goth anymore. It has all been consolidated to emo. Everyone that wears black, listens to anything other than the top 40, or shows any emotion other than bravado is emo these days...and if you're emo you're a fag...right?
4 - Globbly Shoogledooger
Sigh. I think this is too old and I am too late to make any impact, but I say great job on this. Unfortunately, none of your commenters even know what goth is. We are a dying culture.
5 - EmoBitchXx
Stop making fun of Goths. I have lots of respect for them.
6 - PYROACID
if any of leared what ture punk is then will know goth, it has evoled more ebm,industrial,arotech,
7 - Harry
My girlfriend is a goth.I didn't know what it was all about until I looked deeper into it.This "subculture",if you will,to me,represents a very "in your face"way of looking at the real world stripped of all it's facades and a stark recognition of not only physical death but especially the emotional and spiritual death that we all face one time or another in our lives.Your choice is simple-either fear it or understand it and move to the place where it doesn't control you.Remember,Ian Fleming wrote"You only live twice- once when you die and once when you face death"So let's celebrate the inevitable because we really have no other choice.In the meantime I'm buying my girl some hot,gothic clothes... just to remind me...to live each day as if it were my last.What are your thoughts? hreasinger@gmail.com