"Line dancing is fascistic," I said to the bride over the phone.
Silence for several beats.
"I'm a dental technician," she replied.
That about sums up the wedding I DJ'd last night. I also asked her if the party center was east of west of the freeway.
"I'm not good with east and west," she admitted.
"Well, if I'm on the freeway, do I head toward New York or California to get the place?"
"You're teasing me again."
Lately, I've been DJing weddings for a company for extra money. On the one hand it's a lot of fun playing music for people, trying to make sure everything goes smoothly for them on their special day, blabbing to the crowd; and it's rewarding to hear how much fun they had afterward. That's all cool.
But it also an enormous pain in the ass to pick up and return the rental equipment (since I no longer own a big enough amp or speakers), and gather the specific requests for the wedding, since unlike a party or a club, you HAVE to have the important ritual requests for a wedding - first dance, father/daughter, blah blah blah, all of that. And frankly I don't have all that much patience anymore for deranged drunken fools, an alarming number of whom were in attendance by the end of the night last night.
Another warning about the tone of the affair that was to follow: the groom and his groomsmen wore cowboy hats as part of their official wedding attire. I'm not kidding. They also had hundreds of jello shots lined up for each adult participant in the dollar dance. The groom's mother requested AC/DC. These were clues.
Other fun facts:
the groom and his groomsmen mooned the crowd not once but twice from the stage.
the power shorted out not once but twice during the "Electric Slide."
the groom and a random woman sang along - on microphone - with "God Bless the U.S.A."
though the requests were varied and ran from oldies to classic rock to old school rap, funk, and soul, to country, when everyone was good and drunk - open bar, large young crowd, recipe for insanity - COUNTRY was demanded, NOW.
the five songs that got the biggest response were:
"Friends in Low Places" - Garth Brooks
Article comments
1 - Tom Johnson
Hey hey hey now, I met my wife online (not intentionally, however.) And I don't wear cowboy hats.
2 - Eric Olsen
Not that there's anything wrong with meeting your wife online, not with wearing cowboy hats - these are just signposts along the way. By the way, the hats were different from the onlines - two different weddings.
3 - James Russell
wearing their vests like wife-beaters
So the sign of someone who beats his wife is that he wears a vest, is it?
4 - Eric Olsen
a "wife-beater" is a tight sleeveless t-shirt in these parts, partner.
5 - James Russell
Ah, right. In these parts a wife-beater is someone who actually beats their wife. Love those cultural differences :)
6 - Phillip Winn
I wear a sleeveless Reebook shirt to the gym in the morning. It's not so tight, but I still call it my "wife-beater".
7 - Chris
I am disappointed that David Allan Coe didn't make an appearance as a crowd favorite.
8 - Eric Olsen
we did have a DAC request, but i wouldn't put the response in the Top 5