"They're calling her the new Madonna" trilled Cat Deeley, introducing Beyonce on this weekend's CD:UK - which is a little harsh, her acting in the Austin Powers film wasn't that bad. She remains in the number one single spot, and nipping into the newsagents to pick up a paper this morning, it was clear why - ten seconds I was there, and the ten second burst of Crazy In Love was both instantly recognisable and then burned in my skull firmly and in a way I couldn't remove until I heard Jeffrey Archer's former cellmates doing their rewritten version of Daniel ("Jeffrey is leaving the prison today/ I can see the paparazzi clicking away again…"). The art of the hook is well known, and you still get pop with hooks in it, but what's missing these days is the ability to marble the hook right through the flesh of the song, so that any snatch of the track will lodge itself in. Madonna used to be able to do this - I had a pleasant trip down memory lane with a snatch of Lucky Star while popping into a restaurant toilet on Saturday - but it's a trick she's lost. Hollywood - having burned up apparently all the remaining Maddy goodwill - freefalls from two to fifteen this week. Kym Marsh's optimistic booking of commercials during last night's Corrie wedding special coincided with the shaky start for Come On Over turning into a swift departure (down to 23), while Avril Lavigne does even worse - Losing Grip suffering a humiliating shunt to the Pop Sidings after a single week in the Top 40 (41 this week). Blur are also out the 40 after a week - (Crazy Beat, 44)
Proving nobody's ever gone bust giving half naked women powertools, Benny Benassi debuts at number two with Satisfaction; Wayne Wonder has done an old-stylee five week climb up the chart to hit number three with No Letting Go, while - gasp - the Jesus lovers are given a resurrection (Evanescence up again to number 4). The Coral are straight in at number five with their (i.e. Every Liverpool Band That Doesn't Sound Like Oasis') own brand of scalladelica (or is it scouseadelia? Or Birkenhead-music?) on Pass It On. They're now the most successful Liverpool band since… well, Atomic Kitten, really, but if you're counting acts that own their own instruments, since The Farm. Probably.