Unfortunately it seems his mission may achieve resounding success. Their four albums have totaled up to a ridiculous 26 times platinum sales, X&Y and Viva la Vida each reached number one status in the U.S., the U.K., Canada, France, Italy, Germany, and a host of other countries. With only four full-length albums, Coldplay has conquered the world employing meaningless wordplay, bland song structures, and performances glorifying their fictional vacillation.
We have only ourselves to blame.
We elevated a crew of smug, musing Brit pop soundtrack goons to the same rank as Radiohead, U2, and Pink Floyd. Their myriad, vapid, meaningless songs about a fictional woman named “You” fog the collective popular conscious, spewing forth from the mouths of adolescent girls and anybody who ever identified with the similar characters of Dawson’s Creek or Grey’s Anatomy. We have traded the solid, tangible, believable conviction Bob Dylan birthed for the seduction of Wal-Mart groupthink. If Chris Martin is rabid nationalism, Jeff Tweedy is Friedrich Nietzsche.
What does it mean then, that a single band’s music appeals so emphatically to country two-steppers in Dallas and businessmen in Osaka? Glimpses of global uniformity? Or perhaps that Coldplay is just a worldwide fad that, like NSYNC and Ricky Martin before them, will ultimately suffer death by obscurity?
I think they have left too deep a wound on culture’s international identity at this point to be forgotten in such a manner, however I certainly know that one day far off in the future, bands like Radiohead and Beck will be admired for originality while Coldplay will not be considered so differently from how Savage Garden is thought of now. Perhaps one day I will joyfully recline in my rocking chair (hovering, no doubt, as this will be not too far from the advent of the 22nd Century) and regale my grandchildren with stories from Wilco and Bright Eyes shows, while not a single one of them asks me if I ever listened to Chris Martin’s insipid cooing.
Article comments
1 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
I can totally agree with you about Coldplay(I call'em U3) but you lost your credibility when you dropped names like Wilco & Bright Eyes. All this sh!te sounds the same to me... Artsy Fartsy Bullsh!t!
2 - ,,,yaya
Coldplay makes bland music? What a fucking ignorant statement just because this ignorant bastard denies their fame. Their music is universally enjoyable and they have created their own type of sound. Go listen to some Punk-Emo-Power-Pop-Rock, that's the BLAND music!
3 - ,,,yaya
BTW, I'm from Dallas and we are more appealed to music like Coldplay and we ain't country two-stepper fools. Don't be an idiot!
4 - kapwho
This is a horrible post.
Radiohead? Their music sounds like animals dying. there's no rhythm, meaning, anything. Thom Yorke is a pretentious bitch.
5 - zingzing
"Radiohead? Their music sounds like animals dying."
mmm. that's the stuff.
6 - dick
I agree with you. People like coldplay because people are afraid of change and coldplay sound like a million other dull and predictable bands.
Radiohead to me make very powerful music and they are interesting because they don't do things the way the majority of mainstream artists do. Saying radiohead have no rythm is like saying 11 is not a number because you can only count to ten. It's just silly.
I get why people maybe like coldplay because some of the piano melodies are quite nice, even some of the other instruments occasionally, but the music is on the whole pretty bland, very predictable and very average.
Try sigur ros, maybe? Almost, almost, like a slower, better, more emotive, better layered, more interesting version of coldplay.