We all harbor that dark secret, that guiltiest of private pleasures, that would cause any of us to spontaneously unravel and implode if the wrong persons unearthed our classified information.
As for me, I never shot choreographed home videos of me lip-synching to Milli Vanilli. I never wrote diary entries in which I confessed my love for the geeky vice president of the chess club. And I certainly don't wear the shame of my friend Leigh who experimented with alternative places to put peanut butter for Lady, her family dog, to lick. (To maintain her privacy, I should note that I created a fictional name; the dog's name is not actually Lady.)
What's my secret? If you must know, I always keep a copy of Dashboard Confessional's The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most in my car. And I sing along. Loudly. To every word. A lot.
There, I said it.
The mother of all emo albums, Places would be defensible work if it weren't for lead singer Chris Carrabba's gushing saccharine hypersensitive confessions that are calculated to captivate the budding heart of every 14-year-old girl.
I am a 32-year-old man. I should not be singing along to the soundtrack for those struggling with the awkwardness of training bras. But how can any person with a heart refuse that album, which is more addictive than chocolate-flavored crack?
I thought the honesty of this confession — mirroring Dashboard's typical emotional nakedness — would give me a sense of catharsis. But I feel like I am sharing the titles of a sick pornography collection with my pastor and mother-in-law.
Come to think of it, Carrabba and I are almost the same age. But that doesn't remedy the discomfort of sharing that my Places disc and I have been patiently waiting — for half a decade — for a proper Dashboard follow-up that feeds my addiction with new material. My car stereo is so nauseated from spinning Places that it once projectile vomited one of my multiple copies.
Article comments
1 - Craig Lyndall
Dude, I agree with your review and your perception of guilt and pleasure associated with Dashboard. Any ass can write lyrics like he can, but almost nobody is ready willing and able to go after and hit the notes that he does.
That being said, how is it that you can slam the Counting Crows in the same article that you can praise Dashboard Confessional. They kind of have parallel existences.
2 - Ryan
This is the funniest review I have ever read in my entire life.