Madonna's new Confessions on a Dance Floor must rate as one of the more studiously soulless albums of the year.
It plays as one long segued together supposed dance groove. I say "supposed" dance groove because it's more like a long sleep groove. I don't know if there's a real, live instrument anywhere. It's slight variations on the same throbbing synthesizer beat. It's exceedingly tedious, and dull. My eyes glazed over after about two or three songs, and I was in fact falling asleep- even with a stiff cup of coffee in hand. Seriously.
What is the point of appeal to this utterly gray, mechanical sound? It sounds like just exactly the worst idea of disco that Bob Seger was properly denouncing in "Old Time Rock and Roll" lo those many years ago. She can afford to hire musicians to make some actual dance grooves. Crikey, she could hire Bootsy Collins Himself. Yet she comes up with this cold, utterly soulless soundscape.
Trying real hard to be fair and balanced, I'll give her some credit for the single and first song on the album, "Hung Up." There is a decent hook that might stick with you. "Every little thing that you say and do/ I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you." It's very mechanical, and has no real feeling at all, but it does at least halfway have a tune. She makes decent use of the Abba sample. It could pass for an acceptable pop song.
The rest of this, however, is just tuneless mechanized crap that all runs together. There are no ballads, or exotic pop songs, guitars, nothing to differentiate one of these turd logs from the other.
Article comments
1 - George Dionne
Madonna's music has pretty much been in the crapper for years, but she's Madonna, she'll still sell them.
2 - ihateoreilly
Sorry, Al, this album is a classic, just as most critics indicate. It has sold 4 million copies in only 2 weeks worldwide. Madonna is back! Al Barger, still a bitter person who can't get a "real" job as a critic. Other bad news: She just topped Elvis (notalent) Presley as the act with the most top 10 singles ever.
3 - Al Barger
re: Madonna sales and chart succes, more power to her. Good for her.
But the album sucks, and no one will remember it a year from now.
Meantime, ihateoreilly's credibility as a critic may be gleaned from his phrase "Elvis (notalent) Presley."
4 - Christopher Rose
AL: Madonna's long, creatively successful career has produced a mountain of great, essential music including "Hung Up", which is one of the great pop songs of this or any year. Her live performance of this at the MTV awards last month was simply sensational.
Obviously her long varied career producing some of the key elements of our culture over the last 20 years can't be compared to two scruffy nonentities babbling on about ringing doorbells can it?
This isn't a review it's just a public display of prejudice and does neither you nor her justice, Al.
5 - GoHah
*---"this album is a classic ...She just topped Elvis (notalent) Presley as the act with the most top 10 singles ever."*
must...control...typing hand...of...mockery...
6 - J. Mendez
What the hell is Madonna wearing a leotard for? She is too old for that! Then again, I may be sexist and too traditional. Anyway, I saw Madonna's "I'm Going To Tell You a Secret" on VH1, and was fascinated by the live performances. It was obvious that there was no studio trickery. The woman can really sing! Why can't she just do a performance without all the gimmicks, dancers, etc. She's perfectly capable of it. Until then, I'll skip her latest.
7 - Christopher Rose
If the single is anything to go by this album will be fantastic, can't wait to get my copy.
Al's got some decent taste, he likes Funk for a start, but I think his odd obsession with the White Stripes has finally caused him to go loopy!
*hides*
8 - Josh Romero
I absolutely LOVE this album. I never thought I'd touch a Madonna album before, especially because I am straight and really do have sex with girls! However, there is something addicting about this album. The song "Sorry" is absolutely mesmerizing and the song "Jump" is one of the most addicting songs I've ever heard. Maybe Al is right and it isn't artistically good, but it's damn addicting.
9 - Superwoman
This isn't the best Madonna has done, but I have to give her credit. I am so sick of hearing the same r & b crap over and over. At least she's sticking to what she does best and not hiring rappers like that other stuffed sausage of a pop star, Mariah COWrey. Anyhow, "Sorry" really is an amazing track.
10 - Christopher Rose
JOSH ROMERO: Please elaborate on your interesting statement
"I never thought I'd touch a Madonna album before, especially because I am straight and really do have sex with girls!"
I don't understand what Madonna and your sex life have in common - except possibly in your fantasies!
Mwuahahahahaaaarrgh!
11 - Chantal Stone
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this album, and if you have been to real dance club recently, you would know that THIS is the sound being played. The only difference is, 90% of the music played in clubs now is remixed to death, and Madonna's Confessions needs no remixing, its the real deal. Madonna set out to make a dance album and she succeeded, by staying true to herself and without sounding like all the other poppy crap they play on the radio now.
12 - Susan
The first reveiwer, just didn't get it...
Al....it's a dance album !! ...she's not going for the academy award of songwriting here with this cd, it's a fun dance clubbing type cd.....and one we Madonna fans have awaited for along time, back to the days of the "Virgin Tour"
It's awesome!!,it's got dancefloor thumping bass,....and Madonna's still got it!! and she's more fit and sexier than ever before!!!
13 - Bgboy
One of the best album by Madonna. A bountiful dance and mid tempo tunes to groove.
14 - David
OMG this is suck crap. Madogna sucks more now then ever. The video is gross. Put on some clothes GRANDMA. The music is all studio and since when did Madogna become a singer. She can dance that is it. Mariah is the singer. Since you called her a stuffed sausage. Weight can be gained or lost but talent is a gift from god. Madogna as a singer has NON. Mariah has it all
15 - Penny Woods
To Superwoman: If you hate R&B "crap" like Mariah Carey, apparently you failed to notice that Madonna's Bedtime Stories is very heavy on R&B influences. You may as well throw that album in the trash.
16 - Superwoman
Bedtime Stories is a crap album. I did throw that in the crapper years ago. Mariah's brand of r&b isn't sincere; it's a sellout. Mariah hires a bunch of rappers and pays music critics (Roger
Friedman from Fox News is being sued because of this) to be relevant. The only two sincere r&b artists out there today are Alicia Keys and Outcast.
17 - Larry R
When an album is good, and this one is good, there generally are two types. The first blows you away on first listen and then quickly loses steam, sounding more boring on each listen. The other type starts out more slowly, and grows on you with each subsequent listen. "Confessions" is number two. The more you listen, the better it sounds. Each song stands on its own. And play it loud.
18 - Ian
I mean, what a crap review. Sounds like you are biased from the start and don't even know much about Madonna. Your quote: "There are no ballads..." did you ever see the interview where Madonna said she was going to release a all dance CD with no ballads. In fact, here is her quote: "I wanted a record with no ballads. I wanted there to be no breaks, with one song segueing into the next -- just like in a disco."
Get you facts right, you twot!!
19 - n/a
wooo, go Ian. This "Al" doesn't know much, this album will be remembered for a long time to come, maybe he should get a job better suited to him.
20 - Up the arse of truth
WORD UP, AL. Madonna still sucks. It would be fun to peek one year into the future and see how silly people will look while listening to this overproduced crap.
"Hey guys, let's sit back and put on some Madonna, huh?"
(and is thusly pelted with an avalanche of empty beer cans)