Clay Aiken is releasing a new Christmas album this year. So is Mannheim Steamroller. So is Chris Issak. So are The Barenaked Ladies. So is Jessica Simpson. So is LeAnn Rimes. So is Jethro Tull.
How many Christmas albums can one society take?
How many versions of Mele Kalikimaka can I listen to?
When will someone produce an original Christmas song to add to the list of over-recorded standards that get marched out every year?
When will the recording industry begin to self-police itself by preventing bands that empirically suck from recording Christmas Albums?
When will artists begin to realize that they haven’t figured out a new spin on Silent Night?
I would rather kiss a rat under the mistletoe than listen to the dreck that invariably gets trotted out every Christmas season for music lovers to purchase.
The problem is that there are no certifiable “classic Christmas albums” in recent memory. Simply put, the best stuff was recorded years ago, and no amount of overproduction can change that. The best Christmas music is primarily from the 40s through the 60s, and everything after that sucks, with the notable exception of some great original songs that people actually have the temerity to make, instead of walking into a studio cold and producing a Christmas Album that looks something like this:
1. Silent Night
2. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
3. Jingle Bells
4. O Holy Night
5. Mele Kalikimaka
6. Some Shitty Original Song
7. White Christmas
8. I’ll Be Home For Christmas
9. It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Here are the exceptions to the rule:
Christmas in Hollis–Run DMC
Christmas Wrappings–The Waitresses
Happy Xmas (War is Over)–John Lennon
I Believe in Father Christmas—ELP
Do They Know Its Christmas?–Band Aid
White Christmas–Bing Crosby
Baby Please Come Home–U2
The entire John Denver/Muppets Christmas Album
Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy–Bowie and Crosby
2,000 Miles–The Pretenders
Father Christmas–The Kinks
Oh Holy Night–Josh Groban
Christmas Canon- Trans Siberian Orchestra
Holy Shit, It’s Christmas–Red Peters
Article comments
1 - Craig Lyndall
This is really a great post. There is nothing I hate more than these contemporary Christmas albums that people put out every year.
Although I once scored a coup on Ebay by finding a copy of the New Kids Christmas album at a used store for 50 cents and unloaded it on some former teen fan of the group for over 20 bucks, but that is beside the point.
I especially can't handle the Barbra Streisand Christmas album and her version of Jingle Bells on crack. It sucks. And my family plays it every year because they think it is "neat." Blech.
You are also right about the classic Christmas albums. The best are still Frank Sinatra, or Bing Crosby. Traditional stylings by true classics.
2 - Eric Olsen
you do curmudgeon well, Matt
if you're including songs written in the last 60 years or so, I'd include Nat's "Christmas Song," "Baby it's Cold Outside" (probably Dean Martin's), "Santa Baby" (Eartha Kitt), "Merry Xmas (I Don't Want to Fight") (Ramones), Elvis's "Blue Christmas," Eurythmics' "Winter Wonderland"
3 - Phillip Winn
And how many Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums are there now? Three? Four? Chip Davis ought to be ashamed!
I used to buy one or two Christmas albums every year, but I finally got sick of it last year. I just don't get it.
But my sister (and many, many others, I see from the charts) bought Clay Aiken's Christmas CD. Sigh.
4 - Eric Olsen
is Clay the Jim Nabors of our time?
5 - Matt Egan
Clay is defnitely bordering on Jim Nabors at this point. Howard played a couple of bars from one of his Christmas songs this morning. I had to pull over to clean up the blood that was pouring out of my ears.
6 - Tom Johnson
It can't get much worse than Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime." Damn, I hate that song.
7 - Craig Lyndall
This is why the only contemporary Christmas album I have every enjoyed was the goofy yet palatable Reggae Christmas. Or was it Rasta Christmas. Whatever it was, it was all on the offbeats and had that Jamaican accent on the vox. Totally sweet.
8 - Eric Olsen
I love that record too, Craig! The beats are what almost always keep reggae from being too sappy
9 - BRICKLAYER
This is an incredibly well thought out, original, and insightful piece of music journalism. Your mastery of the obvious is enlightening, and thought provoking! My only dissapointment is that you did not include the Ramones' classic "Merry Christmas, I dont wanna fight tonight" in your list of exceptions. That beautiful song never fails to help bring together the warring factions of my family together under the misteltoe to share in the spirit and the the joy of the birth of our lord, The Jesus Christ. However, I was quite pleased to see your inclusion of Josh Groban on your list. His soothing, honey coated larynx is a succor to my very soul!
10 - Eric Olsen
Bricky my friend, note comment #2
11 - Taloran
Try "Christmas with Jorma Kaukonen" (Relix Records, 1996) for a mellow treat without all the glitz, over-production, and rehashed tripe. He covers What Child is This and Silent Night, but the rest is original work. As usual, Jorma's guitar work is wonderful.
12 - HW Saxton
Some of you might enjoy the compilation
that just recently came out called:
"John Waters Christmas".It's full of the
most bizarre, funny, surreal & rocking
Xmas tunes.Tiny Tim's version of the old
staple "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"
is SO friggin' weird and funny it has to
heard to be believed. If you're a fan of
JW's films you'll likely enjoy this CD.
If you're not,then be forewarned.
Also:I dig Rudy Ray Moore's "This Ain't
No White Christmas".It's XXX and full of
bits like "P*ssy For Christmas" and all
kinds of other typical Rudy Ray stuff.
Definitely on the adult end of things.
And you can't go wrong with the Stax CD
"It's A Soulful Christmas" or the James
Brown & Booker T. & The MG's X-mas discs
either. Reggae X mas music fans should
grab up the Yellowman disc "Yellowman Is
Coming To Town". X mas goes Dancehall.
For pure class you can't beat Bing,Dino
and Frank but these above discs will add
some spice to your Xmas mix.
13 - HW Saxton
Correction: The Yellowman Xmas disc is
called "A Very,Very Yellow Xmas" and not
"Yellowman Is Coming...". I'm playing it
right now much to girlfriends dismay.
My mistake.Sorry about the wrong info.